Wedding Party

Mismatched bridesmaids...like, really mismatched?

Hi everyone! I have four bridesmaid, two of which are my sisters in their early teens.  I them all to wear long dresses and gave them the color they should aim for. My other two BMs picked out beautiful long dresses in the color scheme, and are wearing normal bridesmaid-y shoes.  My mom keeps steering my sisters towards “funkier" options, even though I asked her not to. It’s not the end of the world, it just doesn’t go with the overall theme/vibe of the event.  

So, now my one sister will be wearing a lacy dress that comes just below her knees, and my other sister will be wearing a long dress but with converse sneakers. At first I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal, but now I’m worried it will look really weird (or maybe not because I can alternate them if that makes sense)?  

Has anyone else had this experience where one or a couple BMs looked different than the others?  How did it ultimately turn out- did anyone even notice or care?  Did it make the pictures look weird?

Thanks!

Re: Mismatched bridesmaids...like, really mismatched?

  • Can you talk to your Mom about the converse sneakers and steering them towards shorter dresses? She might be under the impression that long dresses means expensive david 's that they will never wear again. Young teens=Mom is the one paying and driving them to shop right?

    I get being annoyed by the sneakers. It's not the end of the world and honestly since she is a young teenager if anyone does find it weird they'll just assume she is being a typical teenager and "expressing herself" and won't look bad on you. And no one remembers what shoes the bridesmaids wore, especially in a long dress.


    OurWildKingdomernursej
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    I don't have a problem with differently dressed wedding party members provided that everyone is dressed in keeping with the formality of the occasion, the time of day, and venue or religious requirements.

    If your bridesmaid's shorter dress is of the wrong formality, that's a hill I wouldn't die on unless it doesn't comply with venue or religious requirements.

    On the other hand, sneakers definitely don't seem to comply with the formality of your ceremony, and I would tell her that she will need to find comfortable shoes that do.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would probably let the short dress go, especially if she's already spent money on it. Yes, it was contradictory to what you originally asked, but below the knee is not going to stand out as much from long dresses as you think. What matters is that she looks great because she's in a dress that makes her feel gorgeous.

    On the converse, I'd veto. You don't have to dictate shoes or even shoe color, but it goes without saying that you wear dress shoes with a dress. She's free to change for the reception. I generally agree that I would never notice a bridesmaid's shoes, but I'd notice a bridesmaid wearing gym shoes. 
    banana468SP29short+sassyei34
  • I'd say that the sneakers can go on for the reception but also agree that converse don't belong at the ceremony.    
    charlotte989875Jen4948ernursej
  • I would probably let the short dress go, especially if she's already spent money on it. Yes, it was contradictory to what you originally asked, but below the knee is not going to stand out as much from long dresses as you think. What matters is that she looks great because she's in a dress that makes her feel gorgeous.

    On the converse, I'd veto. You don't have to dictate shoes or even shoe color, but it goes without saying that you wear dress shoes with a dress. She's free to change for the reception. I generally agree that I would never notice a bridesmaid's shoes, but I'd notice a bridesmaid wearing gym shoes. 

    I actually know a couple who planned for their bridesmaids to wear converse with short dresses. This was what EVERYONE remembered from the wedding. That's fine because that was what the couple wanted, but people will definitely notice and remember a bridesmaid wearing tennis shoes.
  • I would probably let the short dress go, especially if she's already spent money on it. Yes, it was contradictory to what you originally asked, but below the knee is not going to stand out as much from long dresses as you think. What matters is that she looks great because she's in a dress that makes her feel gorgeous.

    On the converse, I'd veto. You don't have to dictate shoes or even shoe color, but it goes without saying that you wear dress shoes with a dress. She's free to change for the reception. I generally agree that I would never notice a bridesmaid's shoes, but I'd notice a bridesmaid wearing gym shoes. 

    I actually know a couple who planned for their bridesmaids to wear converse with short dresses. This was what EVERYONE remembered from the wedding. That's fine because that was what the couple wanted, but people will definitely notice and remember a bridesmaid wearing tennis shoes.
    I've seen it in photos.    It's not that cute IMO.  
    MyNameIsNotei34southernbelle0915lizybeff
  • Personally, I wish the whole converse/cowgirl boots/whatever special shoe requirements trend would just die! 

    Me too. We attended the wedding of some friends' daughter. Her younger sister was the MOH. All the BMs and the MOH had to wear these really tall (probably 4-5inch) heels. The sister was a teenager at the time and six feet tall. She was very uncomfortable walking in those shoes! My feet hurt just looking at them.
    SP29cowgirl8238
  • I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?
    SP29
  • I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?


    I don't think anyone was saying that this bride should specify the exact shoes her BM should wear. Most people just agreed that converse shoes do not match the formality of a wedding, and the bride has the power to veto her one BM that wants to wear converse. I mentioned that this bride could "suggest flats" as an alternative to the converse. I was assuming that this particular BM chose converse because she was looking for comfort, and flats can be comfortable while still maintaining formal attire.

    I would agree with you that the bride shouldn't specify one exact shoe that all BMs have to comply with.

    SP29cowgirl8238
  • I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?


    I don't think anyone was saying that this bride should specify the exact shoes her BM should wear. Most people just agreed that converse shoes do not match the formality of a wedding, and the bride has the power to veto her one BM that wants to wear converse. I mentioned that this bride could "suggest flats" as an alternative to the converse. I was assuming that this particular BM chose converse because she was looking for comfort, and flats can be comfortable while still maintaining formal attire.

    I would agree with you that the bride shouldn't specify one exact shoe that all BMs have to comply with.


    Sorry, I was responding to the poster who said something about a wedding where all the BMs had to wear converse, and I was just thinking of how miserable that would make me. Then I was thinking about how I'd be 82347832947329432x happier being asked to wear like, 5 inch heels, and I thought I'd share to drive home the point that not everyone has the same preferences, which is why I agree that the theme of the bride dictating shoes has to die.

    Wanting shoes that match the formality is totally cool in my opinion though, like having the mandate of "please wear something appropriate to wear to a wedding" should go without saying.
    OurWildKingdomgreeninspringSP29cowgirl8238
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?
    I'm with you. I would refuse to wear converse with a dress. I don't care if the couple thinks it's cute or not, I'm not going down the aisle looking like I don't understand how to dress myself.

    Yes, bridesmaids should be trusted to wear appropriate shoes for the occasion, but when one bridesmaid shows that she doesn't understand (wanting to wear gym shoes), it's ok for the bride to step in. 
    SP29
  • What about the brides who wear Converse? I'm betting they don't match the formality of her dress. My take on OP's sister was that she was making a style statement rather than wearing them for comfort. That's probably who she is, so why should the bride dictate the girl's style? For me, it would be akin to asking someone to dye their purple hair brown so they don't stand out in the pictures. Formality isn't an acceptable reason for me that the bride gets to say what goes on her feet.
    ernursej
  • SubwaylovesSubwayloves member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2017
    geebee908 said:
    What about the brides who wear Converse? I'm betting they don't match the formality of her dress. My take on OP's sister was that she was making a style statement rather than wearing them for comfort. That's probably who she is, so why should the bride dictate the girl's style? For me, it would be akin to asking someone to dye their purple hair brown so they don't stand out in the pictures. Formality isn't an acceptable reason for me that the bride gets to say what goes on her feet.
    Definitely get where you're coming from, but I think this is a little different. Dying hair is at least a semi-permanent thing, and shoes can literally be changed at any moment. My "style" may normally be jeans and a tshirt, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate to wear that to a wedding/as a bridesmaid. I think it's acceptable for the bride to say that sneakers aren't appropriate, and the bridesmaid needs to find a pair of dress shoes/sandals that she is comfortable in.

    ETA: As I said earlier, I was one of the brides who wore converse with my dress, and obviously my dress was a higher level of "formality", but our wedding also wasn't super "formal", and I think the converse fit fine with the overall tone of our wedding.
    SP29
  • I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?


    I don't think anyone was saying that this bride should specify the exact shoes her BM should wear. Most people just agreed that converse shoes do not match the formality of a wedding, and the bride has the power to veto her one BM that wants to wear converse. I mentioned that this bride could "suggest flats" as an alternative to the converse. I was assuming that this particular BM chose converse because she was looking for comfort, and flats can be comfortable while still maintaining formal attire.

    I would agree with you that the bride shouldn't specify one exact shoe that all BMs have to comply with.


    Sorry, I was responding to the poster who said something about a wedding where all the BMs had to wear converse, and I was just thinking of how miserable that would make me. Then I was thinking about how I'd be 82347832947329432x happier being asked to wear like, 5 inch heels, and I thought I'd share to drive home the point that not everyone has the same preferences, which is why I agree that the theme of the bride dictating shoes has to die.

    Wanting shoes that match the formality is totally cool in my opinion though, like having the mandate of "please wear something appropriate to wear to a wedding" should go without saying.
    I agree wholeheartedly. For my cousin's second wedding, she actually offered me a choice between being a bridesmaid and directing the wedding specifically because she knew I would not want to wear the dress and cowboy boots she wanted to put her BMs in. Maybe not the most correct action etiquette-wise, but I was glad she gave me a graceful way to decline being in the wedding. I would never wear boots without socks but I would also never wear socks with a dress in weather that demands bare legs.
    image
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?


    I don't think anyone was saying that this bride should specify the exact shoes her BM should wear. Most people just agreed that converse shoes do not match the formality of a wedding, and the bride has the power to veto her one BM that wants to wear converse. I mentioned that this bride could "suggest flats" as an alternative to the converse. I was assuming that this particular BM chose converse because she was looking for comfort, and flats can be comfortable while still maintaining formal attire.

    I would agree with you that the bride shouldn't specify one exact shoe that all BMs have to comply with.


    Sorry, I was responding to the poster who said something about a wedding where all the BMs had to wear converse, and I was just thinking of how miserable that would make me. Then I was thinking about how I'd be 82347832947329432x happier being asked to wear like, 5 inch heels, and I thought I'd share to drive home the point that not everyone has the same preferences, which is why I agree that the theme of the bride dictating shoes has to die.

    Wanting shoes that match the formality is totally cool in my opinion though, like having the mandate of "please wear something appropriate to wear to a wedding" should go without saying.
    I agree wholeheartedly. For my cousin's second wedding, she actually offered me a choice between being a bridesmaid and directing the wedding specifically because she knew I would not want to wear the dress and cowboy boots she wanted to put her BMs in. Maybe not the most correct action etiquette-wise, but I was glad she gave me a graceful way to decline being in the wedding. I would never wear boots without socks but I would also never wear socks with a dress in weather that demands bare legs.
    "Directing the wedding"? Sounds like something I would also decline.
    InLoveInQueensgeebee908OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm probably alone here, but I would absolutely DESPISE being told to wear converse or any kind of flat shoe with a formal outfit. I have super short legs, and if a bridge told me to please where flats with a knee length dress I would die thinking about how unflattering it would be on my legs. 

    I think my point is that the bride shouldn't decide how the BMs would be most comfortable. Like if it was grass sure I'd want a heads up that I should wear wedges, but am I really not trusted to wear shoes that match my dress?


    I don't think anyone was saying that this bride should specify the exact shoes her BM should wear. Most people just agreed that converse shoes do not match the formality of a wedding, and the bride has the power to veto her one BM that wants to wear converse. I mentioned that this bride could "suggest flats" as an alternative to the converse. I was assuming that this particular BM chose converse because she was looking for comfort, and flats can be comfortable while still maintaining formal attire.

    I would agree with you that the bride shouldn't specify one exact shoe that all BMs have to comply with.


    Sorry, I was responding to the poster who said something about a wedding where all the BMs had to wear converse, and I was just thinking of how miserable that would make me. Then I was thinking about how I'd be 82347832947329432x happier being asked to wear like, 5 inch heels, and I thought I'd share to drive home the point that not everyone has the same preferences, which is why I agree that the theme of the bride dictating shoes has to die.

    Wanting shoes that match the formality is totally cool in my opinion though, like having the mandate of "please wear something appropriate to wear to a wedding" should go without saying.
    I agree wholeheartedly. For my cousin's second wedding, she actually offered me a choice between being a bridesmaid and directing the wedding specifically because she knew I would not want to wear the dress and cowboy boots she wanted to put her BMs in. Maybe not the most correct action etiquette-wise, but I was glad she gave me a graceful way to decline being in the wedding. I would never wear boots without socks but I would also never wear socks with a dress in weather that demands bare legs.
    "Directing the wedding"? Sounds like something I would also decline.
    IKR? What exactly does "directing the wedding" entail?
  • Sort of like a coordinator, but only for the ceremony part, so I didn't have to fool with the decor or food or anything. I bossed people around and told them where to go and when. I agree it's not really an honor position, generally, but I do actually enjoy directing and in this case it was preferable to being in the wedding or even being a normal guest because the pastor was longwinded and cringeworthy, so I enjoyed being able to stay in the back and roll my eyes.
    image
  • A wedding party I was in was required to change into white converse after the wedding. They were too big (she asked my shoe size, I wear different sizes depending on the shoe) so they rubbed all night. Theres nothing more appealing than white converse covered in blood.
    SP29cowgirl8238
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