If this is this person's biggest problem in life, I want their life.

mrsconn23 · March 2017

Dear Prudence,
I have an older gay relative, “Tim,” who has been with his now-husband “Pete” for as long as I can remember. I don’t see them very often, but I love Tim and always liked Pete, who is usually guarded and a bit cold to me (or maybe it’s all in my head, or just his personality—I don’t know him that well). A blurry memory percolated out of my brain recently, which may explain Pete’s coldness. As a youth, decades ago, in a misguided but well-intentioned effort to demonstrate my love for Tim and my desire to always include Pete as part of my family, I referred to them as “Uncle Tim and Aunt Pete.” I feel terrible now remembering having said that. Recently Pete has been warmer to me. I think I should just chalk this up to extreme youthful stupidity and forget about it, but I feel badly. Do I owe Pete an apology?

—Statute of Limitations for Apologies?

drid · March 2017

If writer was a kid, I think Aunt Pete should have just chalked it up at that and looked at it more like being included in the family and accepted. I'm really hoping he hasn't been holding a grudge against the writer for decades because of something the kid said with good intentions.

Don't apologize to Pete. That scenario is almost something that should be good for a laugh now, not something to feel bad about. There's got to be something else underlying.

VarunaTT · March 2017

LW needs to not bring this memory up and just be glad that Pete seems to be warming up. If they don't see each other very often, it could be as simple as Pete hasn't connected with LW b/c of age differences until now. Stop looking for answers and expand on what's being offered.

charlotte989875 · March 2017

Don't apologize for something that happened years ago, especially if you were a child.

But, still Pete is a man and referring to him as Aunt Pete isn't cool.

MissKittyDanger · March 2017

LW realized the mistake and has changed. If it bothered Pete, wouldn't he have said something to LW's parents and that way they could explain LW shouldn't call him that?
Or even if Pete didn't say anything, why did parents allow it to continue?

At least Pete is warming up to LW

Ro041 · March 2017

I don't think what LW did was a mistake. Kids see the world differently than adults. My family and I one stood behind a man in a wheelchair in a checkout line and, tired of waiting, I told my mom, "People in wheelchairs are so lucky - they don't have to stand in line ever!" Apparently my mom was mortified and apologized to the man when he turned around, but he thought it was the coolest thing ever - that someone would see something so great in his disability.

I chalk it up to the same type of kid-like mindset. My nephew always said that he had an Aunt Stephanie and her boyfriend Stacy. Stacy always loved that he recognized that their relationship was "more" than friends. When he got older, he realized that the correct word is "girlfriend."

Don't apologize, LW.

If this is this person's biggest problem in life, I want their life.

Re: If this is this person's biggest problem in life, I want their life.

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