When to ask: family bridesmaid

Re: When to ask: family bridesmaid

• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  KratzyInLove said:

  I did a search for this, I promise, but everything was years old and not applicable to family. 
  I am an only child, but my FH has 1 sister and 2 step sisters. I know I am asking them to be in the wedding, save the peace, but I want to be able to plan how many of my friends I am going to ask (I'm waiting until later in 2017 to ask just in case, probably when I see them at the holidays). We want only 5 per party, so I am going to be torn on girls.
  Anyway, I want to ask his sisters now, is that terrible? I know they'll be asked regardless, they're family,  but considering money it costs to be in a wedding, 1 of his step sisters just had a baby in october and the other is always having money issues. I could see them saying no thank you, but I want to give them time to decide and/or save. I just know, considering financials, I want to have dresses ordered by a "no later than xx" date,  I just don't trust them! 
  
  So, is it too early to ask family?

  When is your wedding? Regardless of family or economic status it's a good idea to wait until 6-9 months before the wedding to ask your bridal party. That way in things change between now and then you can limit the fallout. 
  
  The best thing to do when choosing your WP is to think about who you really want standing beside you on your wedding day. Take budget/economics out of it. Take the idea of having a specific number out of it. Ask who you want. You don't need even numbered sides, and you don't need a set number. 
  
  As for the cost and saving; what you should do is ask each WP member for a dress budget and then choose a dress within that. So even if one of your BM can only afford $50 on a dress, you should choose something that is less than $50. Another great way to save on costs is to tell your BM to just wear something they already own. Or tell them a specific length/color/style/fabric and let them shop on their own, in their own budget. 

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• thefanciestbeckler member

  

  March 2017

  When are you getting married? From the sound of your post, it sounds like it's too early to ask anyone at all, family or not.

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2017

  In addition to the PPs' comments, you do not have to have even sides. If there are more or fewer than 5 people you want as bridesmaids, feel free to ask them regardless of how many people your FI asks to be groomsmen. 
  

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• mandypants90 member

  

  March 2017

  Wait until around 9 months before. You never know how relationships can change. A couple things I want to point out:
  
  -Parties do not have to be even. I promise your pictures nor anything else will suffer. I was weird about this at first, but I swear, no one will notice.
  -Only have people you -want- standing beside you that day. Don't ask his sisters because you think you should, ask them only if you want them to and if you're close to them. Who is in your wedding party is one of the true decisions you and you alone get to make (provided they accept). 
  -If your FI is close with his sisters, and you don't want to ask them to be bridesmaids, he can always ask them to stand with him on his side. 
  -The only expense that -should- be involved in being a bridesmaid is to show up the day of the wedding in the previously agreed upon outfit, the budget of which was discussed privately beforehand. It doesn't so much matter if you trust them or not, they either will get the dress, or they won't. If they don't, you are perfectly within your right to tell them that you would love for them to be a guest that day. 
  
  
  So I guess I'm saying, don't plan how many friends you can ask on whether they say no. Don't B-list any of your friends. Just ask as many people as you want beside you that day. 

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• geebee908 member

  

  March 2017

  I'll emphasize the point made by PP that if you don't want his sisters to stand with you and he is close to them, that he should ask them to stand on his side. Sides don't have to be even in number or gender-specific and if neither of you are close to them, you shouldn't ask anyone out of obligation. No one is entitled to stand up with you.
  

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• missfrodo member

  

  March 2017

  geebee908 said:

  I'll emphasize the point made by PP that if you don't want his sisters to stand with you and he is close to them, that he should ask them to stand on his side. Sides don't have to be even in number or gender-specific and if neither of you are close to them, you shouldn't ask anyone out of obligation. No one is entitled to stand up with you.
  

  All of this.  I doubt his sisters will be offended if you're not close to them and none of them are asked--I'm sure they'd enjoy being invited as a guest, without having to dress up in a specific outfit.
  If FI asks his sisters, they are called "groomswomen," and they'd stand up next to him and any GM he has.  

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2017

  Jen4948 said:

  In addition to the PPs' comments, you do not have to have even sides. If there are more or fewer than 5 people you want as bridesmaids, feel free to ask them regardless of how many people your FI asks to be groomsmen. 
  

  
  This, plus: if the FSIL's have to be in the WP (do they?  You know your family politics better than we do), your FI could ask them to stand on his side.  They're his sisters.  Then you don't have to eliminate some of the friends you are close with and want as BM's. 
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  March 2017

  Don't ask his sisters. It's just going to make trouble. 

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