My body, and money, my choice or should my husband have input?

mrsconn23 · March 2017

Dear Prudence,
I’d like to get a little bit of weight-related plastic surgery, and my husband is adamantly opposed to it. Both of us work, and I would be using my own money to pay for it. I have thousands in savings, and this procedure wouldn’t affect our finances. He hasn’t done the best job of articulating his opposition aside from the fact he thinks it’s a waste of money. Yet this situation is the whole reason we have “his,” “hers,” and “our” accounts. Plus it’s my body and my money. How horrible is it if I do this anyway, without relying on him for anything?

—Plastic Surgery Debate

charlotte989875 · March 2017

I say your body, your, money, your choice, BUT. I'd also try and understand his objection, if it's just the money I'd probably do it with my own cash, but if it's something else I'd try and hear him out before making a decision.

Heffalump · March 2017

I do think it's ultimately her decision. But in her shoes, if Mr. Heff had serious objections, I would hear him out. He's smart, he knows me--if he has concerns, they're probably valid. It might be tricky if the LW says he can't really articulate them, but I would at least try.

At the end of the day, if she really wants to do it, then I think she should.

justsie · March 2017

I wonder if LWs H is just objecting because he thinks that is what he is supposed to do. Kind of like when I ask H to do something, but then I end up doing it and he walks in like "Ohh no honey no don't do that no...." and its plainly obvious that he is joking. Maybe LWs H is just trying to make sure he isn't blamed for being the a-hole who wanted his wife to get weight related surgery.
Probably a long shot- I acknowledge this.

thefanciestbeckler · March 2017

Heffalump said:

I do think it's ultimately her decision. But in her shoes, if Mr. Heff had serious objections, I would hear him out. He's smart, he knows me--if he has concerns, they're probably valid. It might be tricky if the LW says he can't really articulate them, but I would at least try.

At the end of the day, if she really wants to do it, then I think she should.

This. DH would obviously leave the choice up to me ultimately, but I usually try to listen when he has concerns. He's good at articulating though. So it definitely complicates things if LW's H isn't doing a good job of explaining himself.

missJeanLouise · March 2017

Agree with Heffa but my gut feeling is that he is either afraid of her having a surgery (and maybe complications) or that he insecure, afraid she will get too hot and leave. Both scenarios, he is afraid of losing her.

kimmiinthemitten · March 2017

missJeanLouise said:

Agree with Heffa but my gut feeling is that he is either afraid of her having a surgery (and maybe complications) or that he insecure, afraid she will get too hot and leave. Both scenarios, he is afraid of losing her.

I was thinking the same thing!

MesmrEwe · March 2017

A lot really depends on what the procedure is... An abdominoplasty is a major procedure and she's going to need him to do a lot while she's going through the recovery. Also, that's a lot of scar area to deal with and he may be apprehensive about that in that he won't find it as attractive (selfish, but understandable)...

lyndausvi · March 2017

I'm feel like I need more information.

When my sister had her breast reduction her husband was supportive. Although he was sad to see the breasts reduced. That said, the cost of the surgery was just the beginning. Her surgery was 2 hours away from their home. Hotel was needed. I had to be flow up to help because they had 3 kids and neither the kids or my sister could be left alone. BIL chose to stay with the kids and I with my sister. She wasn't able to physically pick up her 18-month old for a short while. She couldn't drive for a week or more, so I had to run the errands, pick up the kids, etc. Her husband's job was demanding and didn't have the PTO to take off to help. BTW the airport I flew in/out of was 2 hours away, so that also incurred costs and time.

On the surface, my body, my money, my choice seems correct, but for some surgeries it in no way means others in the family are not affected by the choice.

banana468 · March 2017

lyndausvi said:

I'm feel like I need more information.

When my sister had her breast reduction her husband was supportive. Although he was sad to see the breasts reduced. That said, the cost of the surgery was just the beginning. Her surgery was 2 hours away from their home. Hotel was needed. I had to be flow up to help because they had 3 kids and neither the kids or my sister could be left alone. BIL chose to stay with the kids and I with my sister. She wasn't able to physically pick up her 18-month old for a short while. She couldn't drive for a week or more, so I had to run the errands, pick up the kids, etc. Her husband's job was demanding and didn't have the PTO to take off to help. BTW the airport I flew in/out of was 2 hours away, so that also incurred costs and time.

On the surface, my body, my money, my choice seems correct, but for some surgeries it in no way means others in the family are not affected by the choice.

Ditto all of this.

I think that any major procedure that can impact the household should be discussed with both parties.

They may have their own bank accounts but will the recovery require him to use his PTO? Will it require more time off for her? Do they have kids? Are they young? Do they have commitments?

It's her body but I'd like to know more about how the surgery and any potential complications may impact them both.

My body, and money, my choice or should my husband have input?

Re: My body, and money, my choice or should my husband have input?

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