"I had a medical procedure."

Re: "I had a medical procedure."

• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  "I had a medical procedure that ended a pregnancy". 
  
  To the judgers, "I understand that you disagree, please respect that this was the right choice for me."
  
  

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• Heffalump member

  

  March 2017

  Y'all, I am about as pro-choice as it gets.  I think she made the right choice for herself, and I'm glad she was able to do it safely and legally.  I do think there is a lot of unnecessary shame around abortion.
  
  And yet...I just don't think this is a conversation I would have with my coworkers.  I have mentioned before on here that I have a Mirena and love it, and yet I don't broadcast this info at work.  We've discussed my second degree tears both times I pushed a kid out of my VJ, but I never felt the need to tell the people I work with.  I don't think it's about shame; I think it's about keeping your personal business out of the workplace.  
  
  She already sees that this is a potential landmine.  That should be enough for her to pull back and rethink her strategy.   

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  March 2017

  Heffalump said:

  
  
  And yet...I just don't think this is a conversation I would have with my coworkers.  I have mentioned before on here that I have a Mirena and love it, and yet I don't broadcast this info at work.  We've discussed my second degree tears both times I pushed a kid out of my VJ, but I never felt the need to tell the people I work with.  I don't think it's about shame; I think it's about keeping your personal business out of the workplace.  
  
  

  This.  It's almost like she's spoiling for a fight.  Someone needs to remind her about creating a hostile work environment.  

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2017

  I wouldn't say anything.
  
  I'll also admit that I'm pro-life so I would be someone who wondered if possibly some time and counseling may have helped her make a different decision.
  
  But just as I don't know what could have gone through her head, I don't know that it's  smart to let the cat out of the bag on something that clearly triggers a  wide spectrum of reactions. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  I agree @Heffalump, but if she is asked about what happened and why she's out, I don't think she should lie. I definitely wouldn't recommend bringing it up, but if someone else does it's her business to be as truthful as she wants about it. 
  
  I guess I feel if someone was out because they had their gallbladder removed, or appendix, or other medical procedure* that helped the person we wouldn't tell them to say something else happened. 
  
  *I know for many people abortion is far more complex emotionally than these procedures, and a far more difficult decision to make, but in the case of the LW it seems like this was a relief. 
  
  
  

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• Heffalump member

  

  March 2017

  charlotte989875 said:

  I agree @Heffalump, but if she is asked about what happened and why she's out, I don't think she should lie. I definitely wouldn't recommend bringing it up, but if someone else does it's her business to be as truthful as she wants about it. 
  
  I guess I feel if someone was out because they had their gallbladder removed, or appendix, or other medical procedure* that helped the person we wouldn't tell them to say something else happened. 
  
  *I know for many people abortion is far more complex emotionally than these procedures, and a far more difficult decision to make, but in the case of the LW it seems like this was a relief. 
  
  
  

  
  I see your point, and I did think about that.  I do think we're all better served by people being honest and open about their experiences with abortion.  I don't know that I could pull it off at work, but I understand your argument for doing so.

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  Heffalump said:

  charlotte989875 said:

  I agree @Heffalump, but if she is asked about what happened and why she's out, I don't think she should lie. I definitely wouldn't recommend bringing it up, but if someone else does it's her business to be as truthful as she wants about it. 
  
  I guess I feel if someone was out because they had their gallbladder removed, or appendix, or other medical procedure* that helped the person we wouldn't tell them to say something else happened. 
  
  *I know for many people abortion is far more complex emotionally than these procedures, and a far more difficult decision to make, but in the case of the LW it seems like this was a relief. 
  
  
  

  
  I see your point, and I did think about that.  I do think we're all better served by people being honest and open about their experiences with abortion.  I don't know that I could pull it off at work, but I understand your argument for doing so.

  I agree I don't know that I could either. But I also don't know that I would tell someone else not to be open about their experience if that's what they want to do. 
  
  I do think if she decides to tell people she needs to be prepared that not everyone will agree, they may treat her differently, and she needs to prepare for that. 

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  March 2017

  I think it depends on the workplace.  This could drive thoughtful conversation or it could leave her open for ridicule.  If she's okay with the consequences either way, then be open.  But if you'd rather keep your job despite who* you work with, then stay quiet.
  
  *In my who I'm differentiating between people who are anti-choice but respect other peoples decisions and people who will judge and alienate you for your choice.
  
  

  
  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  March 2017

  I think the answer of "i had a medical procedure, and am feeling much better, thanks for your concern." is sufficient for co-workers. 
  
  I had surgery for an ovarian cyst/tumor a few years back and missed a little more than a week of work. I gave my bosses a high level description of what was happening, but I didn't tell colleagues anything beyond, "i'm having minor surgery and will be back in a week or so." Obviously my procedure wasn't as controversial as an abortion, but really medical stuff isn't anybody's business - and is a pretty "unprofessional" topic for the office (unless you're working in a medical profession, then it may be applicable.) 
  
  

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• cupcait927 member

  

  March 2017

  *Barbie* said:

  I think the answer of "i had a medical procedure, and am feeling much better, thanks for your concern." is sufficient for co-workers. 
  
  I had surgery for an ovarian cyst/tumor a few years back and missed a little more than a week of work. I gave my bosses a high level description of what was happening, but I didn't tell colleagues anything beyond, "i'm having minor surgery and will be back in a week or so." Obviously my procedure wasn't as controversial as an abortion, but really medical stuff isn't anybody's business - and is a pretty "unprofessional" topic for the office (unless you're working in a medical profession, then it may be applicable.) 
  
  

  Agree with the bolded. H was out of work for a month when he was suffering with mental health issues. He gave high level overview to his boss and she simply let the appropriate parties know that he would be out of work for a month and left it at that. When he went back, he had people checking in on him but no one pushed to ask what had happened and he didn't feel pressure to explain himself. It's really no one's business and doesn't need to be discussed in detail at work. A simple "I'm doing much better, thank you for asking" is sufficient.

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• DrillSergeantCat member

  

  March 2017

  "I was sick." 

  

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