So NWR, but you guys give the best etiquette advice of any of the forums I belong to.
I'm pregnant and my shower is this coming weekend. Originally when the host asked me who I wanted to invite, I included two women who are good friends of my husband and I in the city we live in currently (which isn't far from my hometown, like 30 min.) They are both part of a larger group that we regularly see for BBQs, bar nights, holidays, etc. but I am closest to these two in that we often do things just the three of us. So they were the only two of the group I asked to be invited.
Now, one of the other women from the group - she is a coworker of my husband - told my husband she wants to throw us a small shower/get together in 2 weeks that will basically be like one of the parties our group is always throwing, but celebrating the baby/pregnancy. It would be coed so husbands would be invited too and the two women I mentioned before are definitely part of this group (along with their husbands), so it would be really weird not to invite them. They fit in more at this party than the shower I'm having this weekend.
However I do not want to invite them to two showers and make them feel obligated to come to both/bring a gift to both. I feel really weird about it because we can't have this friends' group BBQ and not invite them, but they've already received invites to the other shower. Should I reach out to them and say "hey I didn't realize X was going to be hosting this BBQ for us, please don't feel like you have to go to both" or should I tell them they don't need to bring a gift to both (they don't NEED to bring a gift to either, but I know that one for sure has already purchased a gift.)? Do I say nothing? Do I decline the group BBQ (not sure how to do this since I feel uncomfortable telling the hostess it's because I already had another shower since I didn't invite her to that one...)