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Etiquette

Adut Reception-Just a Vent

As a longtime lurker, I know that it is inappropriate to put "adult reception," or "no children," on a wedding invitation.  H and I had a kids free reception in September 2015.  We didn't put either of these on the invite and guess what? No kids came.  You know why? Because they weren't invited on the invitation! Luckily, no one RSVP'd for their child, but if they did then I was prepared to call them and let them know that the invitation was only for "you and H or SO."

Anyway, I recently received TWO wedding invites from friends (in different circles) with "Adult reception." on them.  The second one was even worse with, "Black Tie Optional Adult Reception." Just No.  Even more confusing as the reception is not at a 5 star hotel and the invitation itself was very informal, so it doesn't sound as though this will truly be a black tie event, but the bride just wants to tell people how to dress? I put our decline in the mail today for that one.

It's unreasonably annoying me today and I just had to vent.  Don't people do ANY research before sending out wedding invites? Even a quick google search of "Adult reception-wedding invite" brought me to a site that says it's not appropriate language for invites. Thanks for listening to me! :-)

kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueensshort+sassycowgirl8238

Re: Adut Reception-Just a Vent

  • There are a bunch of different things you can do to stay within etiquette and ensure an adult only wedding. I don't understand why people don't just do those instead.

    Black tie optional is the actual worst. Whenever I see that on an invitation it tells me 3 things:

    1) you have zero understanding of etiquette 
    2) it is 99% likely that your event is not black tie
    3) you are controlling and rude.

    If it's a good friend, I won't necessarily decline an invitation over it, but I sure as shit will not wear anything close to black tie or even "step it up". I will take my queues from the usual places: the venue and the invite. If it's a 3 star hotel and an informal invite, I'm wearing a casual dress.

    To the bolded-YES!

    It's not a good friend, which is why I declined the invite.  I haven't seen her in a few years and she lives out of state.  I don't feel badly about missing the wedding. 

    SP29
  • Oh, CRAP! Typo in thread subject...obv meant ADULT. *Face palm*
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Oh, CRAP! Typo in thread subject...obv meant ADULT. *Face palm*
    I didn't even notice that!

    I went to a wedding that was held at the same location as the reception (with about a 30 min cocktail hour between the wedding and reception).  The invite said "Adults Only Reception" which I thought was especially rude considering that no parent would have time to get rid of their kid before the ceremony.  Very bad etiquette.  

  • Ro041 said:
    Oh, CRAP! Typo in thread subject...obv meant ADULT. *Face palm*
    I didn't even notice that!

    I went to a wedding that was held at the same location as the reception (with about a 30 min cocktail hour between the wedding and reception).  The invite said "Adults Only Reception" which I thought was especially rude considering that no parent would have time to get rid of their kid before the ceremony.  Very bad etiquette.  
    To the bolded-Thank you for humoring me! I guess since my own (awesome) wedding and spending so much time on TK, I'm hyper aware of wedding etiquette as a guest now and I get VERY annoyed when I see all of the rudeness.  I feel a bit better now knowing that my annoyance is founded. LOL
  • Ro041 said:
    Oh, CRAP! Typo in thread subject...obv meant ADULT. *Face palm*
    I didn't even notice that!

    I went to a wedding that was held at the same location as the reception (with about a 30 min cocktail hour between the wedding and reception).  The invite said "Adults Only Reception" which I thought was especially rude considering that no parent would have time to get rid of their kid before the ceremony.  Very bad etiquette.  
    To the bolded-Thank you for humoring me! I guess since my own (awesome) wedding and spending so much time on TK, I'm hyper aware of wedding etiquette as a guest now and I get VERY annoyed when I see all of the rudeness.  I feel a bit better now knowing that my annoyance is founded. LOL
    Same. Mainly I get annoyed because it is so easy to find appropriate wedding etiquette advice. 
    levioosa
  • Ro041 said:
    Ro041 said:
    Oh, CRAP! Typo in thread subject...obv meant ADULT. *Face palm*
    I didn't even notice that!

    I went to a wedding that was held at the same location as the reception (with about a 30 min cocktail hour between the wedding and reception).  The invite said "Adults Only Reception" which I thought was especially rude considering that no parent would have time to get rid of their kid before the ceremony.  Very bad etiquette.  
    To the bolded-Thank you for humoring me! I guess since my own (awesome) wedding and spending so much time on TK, I'm hyper aware of wedding etiquette as a guest now and I get VERY annoyed when I see all of the rudeness.  I feel a bit better now knowing that my annoyance is founded. LOL
    Same. Mainly I get annoyed because it is so easy to find appropriate wedding etiquette advice. 
    My main bitch is when people offer me really bad advice about how to plan our wedding.  "Oh you guys probably have everything for your house.  You should make a honeymoon website like we did!"  And then I am banging my head against the nearest table.
    Exactly!  I actually made the mistake of reading a Knot article about who should and should not get Plus Ones.  Sigh.  Apparently my married friends Should, my single friends with a short-term SO should not, and my co-workers can be invited as a group without "Plus Ones".  It's really no wonder people make bad choices.
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensSP29cowgirl8238
  • @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I just found out there's a 2.5 hour gap at SO's brothers wedding this summer.  I'm so irritated. They can expect us to show up to their (I'm assuming cash bar) reception drunk after spending that time at the bar.  I also don't understand how complicated it is for people to have good etiquette.  It's literally about treating people well and making them comfortable.  How is that hard? 


    image
    InLoveInQueenssparklepants41cowgirl8238
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    levioosa said:
    I just found out there's a 2.5 hour gap at SO's brothers wedding this summer.  I'm so irritated. They can expect us to show up to their (I'm assuming cash bar) reception drunk after spending that time at the bar.  I also don't understand how complicated it is for people to have good etiquette.  It's literally about treating people well and making them comfortable.  How is that hard? 
    It's hard not to be selfish, I guess. Human nature applies there. Mix it with some entitlement about how special the day should be for you and we're there pretty easily.

    Anniversary

    short+sassyInLoveInQueens[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Don't even get me started on my local wedding bst fb page where the advice given to a bride trying to keep her rehearsal dinner costs down was to "Do a pot luck!!  You are already spending so much money for the reception!!"  

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
    If she knew it is a shower gift she might not have opened it yet. My DD received a shower gift pre-shower and opened it at the shower. Wedding gifts were opened immediately. Just trying to give an alternate explanation.

    ahoyweddingSTARMOON44short+sassycowgirl8238
  • I've seen a couple invitations that say 'adult only'.   While I know it's rude, I also know people who were advised to use it.  I don't base my decision to attend on that statement alone.
    knottie9fb034263c3540ec
  • @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
    If she knew it is a shower gift she might not have opened it yet. My DD received a shower gift pre-shower and opened it at the shower. Wedding gifts were opened immediately. Just trying to give an alternate explanation.

    I had a similar situation when I sent a gift for an out of state friend's baby shower. I sent it a few weeks before the shower, but got a thank you after the shower date. I assumed she had been saving all of the gifts to open at the shower, which was acceptable to me (don't know if it's proper etiquette though?).
    STARMOON44InLoveInQueensSP29PrettyGirlLost
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
    If she knew it is a shower gift she might not have opened it yet. My DD received a shower gift pre-shower and opened it at the shower. Wedding gifts were opened immediately. Just trying to give an alternate explanation.

    I had a similar situation when I sent a gift for an out of state friend's baby shower. I sent it a few weeks before the shower, but got a thank you after the shower date. I assumed she had been saving all of the gifts to open at the shower, which was acceptable to me (don't know if it's proper etiquette though?).
    I think it is fine etiquette wise since the gift is meant as a shower gift. In DD's case the gift arrived the week of the shower so it wasn't like a month or more before the TY was written. I certainly wouldn't side eye getting a TY after the shower for a gift a sent prior to the event. However, I have yet to receive a TY for a shower gift I sent two months ago - the shower was at the end of January.
  • @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
    If she knew it is a shower gift she might not have opened it yet. My DD received a shower gift pre-shower and opened it at the shower. Wedding gifts were opened immediately. Just trying to give an alternate explanation.

    I had a similar situation when I sent a gift for an out of state friend's baby shower. I sent it a few weeks before the shower, but got a thank you after the shower date. I assumed she had been saving all of the gifts to open at the shower, which was acceptable to me (don't know if it's proper etiquette though?).
    I think it is fine etiquette wise since the gift is meant as a shower gift. In DD's case the gift arrived the week of the shower so it wasn't like a month or more before the TY was written. I certainly wouldn't side eye getting a TY after the shower for a gift a sent prior to the event. However, I have yet to receive a TY for a shower gift I sent two months ago - the shower was at the end of January.
    I sent a shower gift to a cousin as soon as I received the invitation, so a few weeks at least before the shower.  Didn't get the TY note until after the WEDDING months later!  A couple weeks after the wedding I finally emailed my aunt (bride's mother) to ask if she got the gift or if Target.com messed up shipping or whatever.  Aunt told me my TY note was sitting in a huge pile by the front door waiting to get mailed out.  If she would have just written the notes as she got the gifts, she wouldn't be sitting on a huge stack!

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    adk19 said:
    @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
    If she knew it is a shower gift she might not have opened it yet. My DD received a shower gift pre-shower and opened it at the shower. Wedding gifts were opened immediately. Just trying to give an alternate explanation.

    I had a similar situation when I sent a gift for an out of state friend's baby shower. I sent it a few weeks before the shower, but got a thank you after the shower date. I assumed she had been saving all of the gifts to open at the shower, which was acceptable to me (don't know if it's proper etiquette though?).
    I think it is fine etiquette wise since the gift is meant as a shower gift. In DD's case the gift arrived the week of the shower so it wasn't like a month or more before the TY was written. I certainly wouldn't side eye getting a TY after the shower for a gift a sent prior to the event. However, I have yet to receive a TY for a shower gift I sent two months ago - the shower was at the end of January.
    I sent a shower gift to a cousin as soon as I received the invitation, so a few weeks at least before the shower.  Didn't get the TY note until after the WEDDING months later!  A couple weeks after the wedding I finally emailed my aunt (bride's mother) to ask if she got the gift or if Target.com messed up shipping or whatever.  Aunt told me my TY note was sitting in a huge pile by the front door waiting to get mailed out.  If she would have just written the notes as she got the gifts, she wouldn't be sitting on a huge stack!

    That is ridiculous. A lot of brides/grooms think they have a year after the wedding to write TYs. Umm no, people have a year after a wedding to send a gift. DD wrote them as gifts came in (with the exception of the above mentioned shower gift). That way you don't have a whole shit load to do after the wedding - just half a shit load.
    SP29sparklepants41cowgirl8238
  • I never got an invite that said "adult only" but my mind directly goes to porn.  What's happening there? porn?  porn is happening.


    I'm glad I'm not the only one who automatically jumps to porn when "adult" is used as a descriptor.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I never got an invite that said "adult only" but my mind directly goes to porn.  What's happening there? porn?  porn is happening.
    LOL @charmedpam This is exactly what H said.
  • adk19 said:
    @Ro041 She also has a honeymoon registry (not listed on the wedding invite, thank God).  I'm unable to attend the shower as it's Easter wknd and I'll be out of state at my IL's, so I just sent some margarita glasses off of her Crate+Barrel registry.  Not sure why I even bothered.  I'm not her "nearest and dearest" at all, so I think I was just invited as a gift grab.  Oh well...Also, the gift was delivered 2 weeks ago and no acknowledgement that she's received it.  H thinks that she's prob waiting to send TY notes until after her shower.  Of course she is, right? I sent out all my TY's as gifts were received, but clearly she's not following any type of proper etiquette here so I'm not holding my breath over the TY note. 
    If she knew it is a shower gift she might not have opened it yet. My DD received a shower gift pre-shower and opened it at the shower. Wedding gifts were opened immediately. Just trying to give an alternate explanation.

    I had a similar situation when I sent a gift for an out of state friend's baby shower. I sent it a few weeks before the shower, but got a thank you after the shower date. I assumed she had been saving all of the gifts to open at the shower, which was acceptable to me (don't know if it's proper etiquette though?).
    I think it is fine etiquette wise since the gift is meant as a shower gift. In DD's case the gift arrived the week of the shower so it wasn't like a month or more before the TY was written. I certainly wouldn't side eye getting a TY after the shower for a gift a sent prior to the event. However, I have yet to receive a TY for a shower gift I sent two months ago - the shower was at the end of January.
    I sent a shower gift to a cousin as soon as I received the invitation, so a few weeks at least before the shower.  Didn't get the TY note until after the WEDDING months later!  A couple weeks after the wedding I finally emailed my aunt (bride's mother) to ask if she got the gift or if Target.com messed up shipping or whatever.  Aunt told me my TY note was sitting in a huge pile by the front door waiting to get mailed out.  If she would have just written the notes as she got the gifts, she wouldn't be sitting on a huge stack!

    That is ridiculous. A lot of brides/grooms think they have a year after the wedding to write TYs. Umm no, people have a year after a wedding to send a gift. DD wrote them as gifts came in (with the exception of the above mentioned shower gift). That way you don't have a whole shit load to do after the wedding - just half a shit load.
    @ilovebeachmusic I did the exact same as your DD.  Made writing the TY's right after the wedding a little more manageable.  I also wrote TY's for shower gifts as I received them, for any I got early.  I sent a shower gift right after I got the invite.  Shower is April 16 and the gift was received March 8.  I'm tempted to shoot her a FB message to make sure she received it and it didn't get lost by her apt building somewhere.

    [Deleted User]
  • I don't want to sound stupid or anything but what is the best way to make it clear that the reception is adults only?  Actually, children of immediately family only?  I know that sounds ridiculous but our siblings all have kids so there's no way around them.  We just don't want everyone bringing their littles.
    Met: 5/4/16
    Dating: 6/21/16
    Engaged: 3/20/17
    Wedding: 2/24/18
  • I don't want to sound stupid or anything but what is the best way to make it clear that the reception is adults only?  Actually, children of immediately family only?  I know that sounds ridiculous but our siblings all have kids so there's no way around them.  We just don't want everyone bringing their littles.
    Address the invites to those who are invited. So if its just adults, Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. If the children are invited they are included on the invite, Mr. John Smith, Mrs. Jane Smith, Mr. Tomas Smit, Ms. Kathy Smith, etc. It is rude to tell people when they aren't invited, which is what "adults only" is doing. 
    image
    STARMOON44InLoveInQueens
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