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Asking for money - NWR

Knottie724364945cf040c5Knottie724364945cf040c5 member
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in Chit Chat
Hi everyone. Long time lurker here. I wanted to get TK's opinion on something, as I want to be able to talk to my sister about what she's about to do and I think it will help if I have some backup in my concern. 

She is an awesome college soccer player. She just got invited to play on a USA team in Europe. The only problem? It costs $10,000 to be able yo go. My parents want her to be able to go, but they either don't want to or aren't able to pay for the trip. 

They have come up with the idea to post on Facebook about this and solicit donations from people to pay the $10,000. They set up an account for her through the team that people can donate to and it's tax deductable. 

I personally find this tacky. Yes, it is a great opportunity for her, but many people are given great opportunities that they can't afford to pursue. Just because you are presented with an opportunity, doesn't mean you are entitled to ask other people for money to be able to see it through. 

I think donations should be asked for in the case of life saving medical treatment or when someone's house burns down. Not when you want to go play soccer in Europe. (She's not trying to be an olympic or professional soccer player btw, so this isn't a career necessary trip). I think it's so uncomfortable and embarrassing to be asking for money from friends and family on Facebook. 

Am I in the wrong for thinking tha?t? I wanted to check before I brougjt it up to her and fel that this was a place where others would be honest. 
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Re: Asking for money - NWR

  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    eileenrob said:
    You're correct.  It's an insanely tacky and inappropriate thing to ask for money for.  Extreme and necessary medical bills are the only time I don't side-eye gofundme's. I'd definitely tell your sister and parents I thought so.

    I'm also questioning what kind of team this is- at high levels of competition the team pays the athlete, not the other way around.  The fact that your parents set up an account through her team is also strange to me.  
    I mean, the USA womens hockey team only just got equal pay, before they got paid $6,000/year on Olympic years only, and they are champions. It isn't always the case that high levels pay the athlete. 

    But I agree with PPs, I would side-eye this. She may look into saving this year and continuing to play in hopes she is offered the same next year?
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What is the $10K going towards? No, she wouldn't get much money planning on a "pro" team (particularly playing on a women's team), but I would assume they would get a small monthly stipend worth a few hundred dollars.

    Regardless, the GoFundMe is not cool. You're right, it's not appropriate to ask for money. This is a want, not a need. I am sure close family and friends will know how big a deal this is to your sister and how expensive it may be (the airfare alone! plus lodgings, travel, food, etc), so it's not like they can't choose to give her some money on their own accord.
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  • Knottie724364945cf040c5Knottie724364945cf040c5 member
    First Comment
    She doesn't get any kind of stipend that I am aware of. She has a partial scholarship to the school she attends. It is division 3, so it's not like she gets the same benefits that some women at larger division 1 schools might get. She's a senior, so this is her last chance to do this. That's the excuse my parents gave as to why they think this is ok...

    The money covers her flight, lodging, meals, and extra spending money. I am glad to see that I am not out of line for thinking that asking for people to pay these costs for her is rude. She is also mailing letters to alumni of her school. As in, she is sending letters to total strangers asking them for money. 

    She's gotten about 10% of the money from people so far. My parents say they are proud of her for how she is "kicking ass and getting the money". No. Kicking ass and getting the money would be going out and finding ways to work for and earn the money. Sitting around posting on Facebook and sending letters to strangers is not kicking ass, nor is it something to be proud of. 

    I'm sad this is something they are teaching her is ok to do. 

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  • greeninspringgreeninspring member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    Does she have a car she could sell? Extra clothes/jewelry? Start driving Uber, pick up an extra job? You're right, she should step her hustle game up and not her "send me your money" game. Lots of ways to make 10 grand. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie724364945cf040c5 said:
    She doesn't get any kind of stipend that I am aware of. She has a partial scholarship to the school she attends. It is division 3, so it's not like she gets the same benefits that some women at larger division 1 schools might get. She's a senior, so this is her last chance to do this. That's the excuse my parents gave as to why they think this is ok...

    The money covers her flight, lodging, meals, and extra spending money. I am glad to see that I am not out of line for thinking that asking for people to pay these costs for her is rude. She is also mailing letters to alumni of her school. As in, she is sending letters to total strangers asking them for money. 

    She's gotten about 10% of the money from people so far. My parents say they are proud of her for how she is "kicking ass and getting the money". No. Kicking ass and getting the money would be going out and finding ways to work for and earn the money. Sitting around posting on Facebook and sending letters to strangers is not kicking ass, nor is it something to be proud of. 

    I'm sad this is something they are teaching her is ok to do. 

    I'm surprised the university is allowing her to do this; at the university where I'm a faculty member all communication regarding donations, particularly to alumnae must go through the Development office. Students and faculty can get in to some serious hot water if they solicitation donations outside of approved channels. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So she's begging for money to fund a hobby? Nope. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    No way.   

    I've given to  GFM type event two times
    1) Friend's sister was stricken with leukemia.  

    2) Friend's brother died tragically when a tree fell on his car in a windstorm.   


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I don't know how much time she has to raise the money.  But Lyft or Uber, if she has a 4-door car, are excellent ways to make extra cash.  I'd imagine especially so around a campus.  If there isn't enough time to earn it, could your all's parents loan her the money and she could pay them back?  Like when she graduates later this year and (hopefully) finds a good job.

    I wouldn't (as much) side eye this as others on the board.  But I wouldn't donate any money either.  I have my own European trip to "raise funds for", ie my own funds.

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  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    With the added details it sounds like it is an exhibition type trip for players and is more of an experience than anything else. I actually think potential funding from school alumni, especially those in the soccer program, is better than random funding through facebook. I went to a D3 school and if she really is a good player I could see the school helping to find some funding to cover part of the trip - she should be working with her coach on this not just doing it on her own. 

    Side rant: stuff like this drives me crazy. GoFunMe (and similar sites) have created this culture of asking for money for things that people should deal with themselves. Most recently on Next Door someone posted a GFM for her college education - yes random stranger who lives in a neighborhood near mine, I'm sure we would all love to pay for your college. No. Pay for your own damn college. 
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  • Knottie724364945cf040c5Knottie724364945cf040c5 member
    First Comment
    southernbelle0915 said:
    She's playing D3 and wants $10K for pay to play abroad? No way. This is an "experience trip", not anything that's going to open any meaningful doors for her. I am familiar with these trips...it's basically a vacation where you play some soccer

    And here's the thing.... what if she raises just $2,000? Are your parents prepared to front the difference? Or is she just not going on the trip? People will have donated assuming she's going. If she doesn't go, your folks need to find a way to return that money to people. I'd be so pissed if I gave $100 for a trip like that, the kid never went and I never saw that money back...like what'd did you do with it then?
    I 100% share the same concern as you. I asked my mom and she is just so confident that sis will raise the money that it won't be an issue. So far, she has just under $1000, with 3 weeks left to raise....me does not think she is getting $9000 in 3 weeks.

    I am not super close with my family (if you can't tell) and am just super embarrassed by this. I have taken all of the points that were brought up here, along with what I thought, and tried talking to mom and sister. It fell on deaf ears unfortunately. 

    Thank you for your thoughts, talking points, and just for generally letting me vent about the situation. 
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