Wedding Woes

I'm quirky and I like it, but everyone else needs to tell me.

Dear Prudence,
Multiple people in my life have a habit that drives me nuts, and I can’t tell if I’m being too sensitive. Whenever I do something they think is remotely odd, they laugh and ask “Why are you doing that?” and mock me for doing something “weird.” It’s always something benign, like getting iced coffee instead of hot, holding my purse the “wrong” way, or even glancing at something. I feel on edge and forced to explain (“This is just how I hold my purse”) and whatever answer I give gets another laugh. I don’t mind joking around about myself, but it doesn’t really come across as joking around. I’ve tried replying dryly with “Why do you care?” but then I come across as hostile. Am I overreacting? These people are not all from the same friend group, so I wonder if it’s just me.

—Fun or Relentless?

Re: I'm quirky and I like it, but everyone else needs to tell me.

  • Maybe they're not laughing at what you think they're laughing at?  I've had some weird tics (like picking at the skin on my thumbs) before that I was totally unconscious of until someone would say, "Why are you doing that?"  For the longest time, I thought they were questioning totally normal things like LW thinks she's doing.  It really wasn't until I asked for specifics that they pointed out the unconscious habits I had.

    It was almost like they wanted me to know I was doing something weird, but weren't sure how to point it out and actually tell me.

    Or maybe LW's friends are just asshats.  Seriously, asking someone why they're getting iced coffee?  I don't even think I would think about something so mundane.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • This is so confusing. Unless she is ordering iced coffee in winter (I always get a hankering for ice cream when it is cold) or holding her bag over her head, who cares? 

    i would just try not to let it bother you. You're not going to change, neither are they, move on.
  • This is so confusing. Unless she is ordering iced coffee in winter (I always get a hankering for ice cream when it is cold) or holding her bag over her head, who cares? 

    i would just try not to let it bother you. You're not going to change, neither are they, move on.
    YES!  The coldest days of the year are when I crave ice cream!!!  And I don't know how people can do Hot Coffee - I'm the one who swirls the coffee around for maximum chill...  

    IMO LW is being overly sensitive, OTOH, what to do about it because it's obviously a problem for her.  I think she needs to work on her improv skills such that she knows how to anchor it in with herself to be o.k. with making others laugh and keep that "I don't care" attitude, yet add in an element of "I wonder just how hard I can make these people laugh because that interests me" instead of "I'm holding my effing purse the way I GD well good and please!"..  
  • This is so confusing. Unless she is ordering iced coffee in winter (I always get a hankering for ice cream when it is cold) or holding her bag over her head, who cares? 

    i would just try not to let it bother you. You're not going to change, neither are they, move on.
    It was negative 10 F one day this past winter and I was walking to the office with my iced coffee and the building super gave me a look and commented on it. I just said "I don't like hot drinks". It's annoying when people have to comment but I just smile and nod to their face and go back to my usual RBF when I pass them. It's really not all that hard.
  • This is so confusing. Unless she is ordering iced coffee in winter (I always get a hankering for ice cream when it is cold) or holding her bag over her head, who cares? 

    i would just try not to let it bother you. You're not going to change, neither are they, move on.
    It was negative 10 F one day this past winter and I was walking to the office with my iced coffee and the building super gave me a look and commented on it. I just said "I don't like hot drinks". It's annoying when people have to comment but I just smile and nod to their face and go back to my usual RBF when I pass them. It's really not all that hard.
    Many of my friends drink iced coffee year round. Including the dead of winter. In New England. So you're in good company :)
  • This is so confusing. Unless she is ordering iced coffee in winter (I always get a hankering for ice cream when it is cold) or holding her bag over her head, who cares? 

    i would just try not to let it bother you. You're not going to change, neither are they, move on.
    It was negative 10 F one day this past winter and I was walking to the office with my iced coffee and the building super gave me a look and commented on it. I just said "I don't like hot drinks". It's annoying when people have to comment but I just smile and nod to their face and go back to my usual RBF when I pass them. It's really not all that hard.
    A friend of my mum's is the same, hates hot drinks.
  • I need more. Are the friends mocking her, or do they point it out and move on? Either LW has super shitty friends or shes really insecure about herself/whatever she's doing. 
  • There's just something "off" about this letter.  The LW's examples are so weird.  It makes me think maybe there is something odd about the LW, lol.

    What I find weirder than drinking iced coffee in the winter, is drinking hot coffee in the summer.  Not so much indoors, but if a person is running around and on the go.  However, it's still pretty minor and not something I would remark on.  Except to H.  I definitely tell him, "I don't know how you can drink that hot coffee.  It's 100+ degrees today!"

    Wedding Countdown Ticker


  • There's just something "off" about this letter.  The LW's examples are so weird.  It makes me think maybe there is something odd about the LW, lol.

    What I find weirder than drinking iced coffee in the winter, is drinking hot coffee in the summer.  Not so much indoors, but if a person is running around and on the go.  However, it's still pretty minor and not something I would remark on.  Except to H.  I definitely tell him, "I don't know how you can drink that hot coffee.  It's 100+ degrees today!"



    This is me. I hate iced coffee, and I'll drink hot coffee even when it's hot, humid, and sunny. H thinks it's weird, too. 
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