What Time to List on Wedding Invite?

Knottie935c88d6a00cf00d · April 2017

Hi All-

My ceremony and reception are at one venue. The ceremony starts at 4:30pm, and I know traditionally you list the start time on the invite but I am wondering if it is appropriate to list 4pm instead? I am worried if I list 4:30pm people will show up right at 4:30pm, however if I list 4pm, it will give more of a buffer for people to park, get seated etc.

You would think either way, guests would arrive early but I live in Southern California and people are always running late lol. What's the etiquette for this? I have also seen it done where on the "details" card there is a note to be seated by 4:30pm or arrival 4pm, ceremony start 4:30pm, reception to follow.

Thoughts?

LondonLisa · April 2017

Knottie935c88d6a00cf00d said:

Hi All-

My ceremony and reception are at one venue. The ceremony starts at 4:30pm, and I know traditionally you list the start time on the invite but I am wondering if it is appropriate to list 4pm instead? I am worried if I list 4:30pm people will show up right at 4:30pm, however if I list 4pm, it will give more of a buffer for people to park, get seated etc.

You would think either way, guests would arrive early but I live in Southern California and people are always running late lol. What's the etiquette for this? I have also seen it done where on the "details" card there is a note to be seated by 4:30pm or arrival 4pm, ceremony start 4:30pm, reception to follow.

Thoughts?

Treat your guests like adults. If it starts at 4:30, the invites should say 4:30. Anything else is rude.

Do you really think a note card is going to make habitually late people on time? If you said 4, I'd be there by 3:30. If I'm sitting for an hour, I'm going to very cross and not in a party mood.

ILoveBeachMusic · April 2017

People know that the time stated on an invitation is when the ceremony starts. If they are late, that is on them not you. Don't inconvenience your guests who do arrive on time by giving an earlier time. Most people I know arrive 15-30 minutes before the start time of a ceremony. Habitually late people won't change.

missJeanLouise · April 2017

Put 4:30 and start at that time. If people are late then they can wait outside until the processional is over then slip into the back, standing if need be. That's what they get for being late.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but late people make me so mad. It is one thing if we are just getting coffee or something but going to an event!? Early is on time, on time is late.

charlotte989875 · April 2017

The time the ceremony begins.

jacques27 · April 2017

I am habitually late to most things (and not from Southern California). I just always seem to think I can fit one more thing in before I leave somewhere or it won't take me as long to get somewhere.

Except for important events with prompt starting times (weddings, funerals, graduations, professional conferences, etc.). Because I'm an adult with common sense. I am always early for weddings and I would be pissed if I had to wait 45-60 minutes because I showed up 15-30 minutes early and you lied on your invitation.

ETA: And that whole arrival/ceremony time? Do you really think habitually late people are going to go "Oh, I have to be there at 4!" They are going to go "Oh, I don't really have to be there until 4:30 because the arrival time isn't really anything" and then they'll just do whatever things usually make them late to make them late for the ceremony. Have an usher make sure people can't get in after 4:30 to not disturb the ceremony and if people miss it because they couldn't figure out how to not be rude and show up on time for something, that's on them and maybe they'll learn their lesson for the next wedding.

MobKaz · April 2017

Etiquette dictates that you do not reward people with no consideration for others. Why would you inconvenience and piss off guests with manners for those guests without?

I would be peeved beyond rational thinking if someone deliberately noted a false start time.

banana468 · April 2017

Do these people not attend other things with fixed start times? If a baseball game is scheduled for 4:00 would they show up at 5:00 and think it's OK? Would they show up for a play and be surprised if the 2nd act was in process?

Put the time the ceremony starts on the invitation. If people are late, it sucks for them.

southernbelle0915 · April 2017

The etiquette is to list the time the ceremony begins, so 4:30 in your case.

Here's the reason it's against etiquette to write an earlier time: by listing an earlier time, you are trying to accommodate the chronically late/rude people by punishing the polite people who will be there early/on time. The polite people are going to get there at 3:45 and have to wait a full 45 minutes for the ceremony to begin. Not ok. Late people are going to be late no matter what and you shouldn't punish polite people to accommodate them. You'll be facing forward and ignoring them anyway.

levioosa · April 2017

Um, I'm from Southern California and "being habitually late" is not a thing unless it is culturally related. Please don't continue a negative stereotype of Southern Californians being lazy and late.

If a ceremony start time is listed as 4:30 my butt will be in that seat at 4:10 or 4:15. A start time is a start time. I will have probably arrived to the venue at 3:45 or 4 to park, use the restroom and find my seat. People who run late shouldn't be accommodated. They have all the info they need to make it on time. If they can't budget their time appropriately, that's on them. Your other guests who arrived on time shouldn't pay the price.

short+sassy · April 2017

levioosa said:

Um, I'm from Southern California and "being habitually late" is not a thing unless it is culturally related. Please don't continue a negative stereotype of Southern Californians being lazy and late.

If a ceremony start time is listed as 4:30 my butt will be in that seat at 4:10 or 4:15. A start time is a start time. I will have probably arrived to the venue at 3:45 or 4 to park, use the restroom and find my seat. People who run late shouldn't be accommodated. They have all the info they need to make it on time. If they can't budget their time appropriately, that's on them. Your other guests who arrived on time shouldn't pay the price.

Agreed x1,000. Although I don't live there now, I grew up in So. CA and both my wedding and my sister's wedding were there. We both had the REAL ceremony time on our invites. Each ceremony started on time and guests were there and seated. My sister had 75 guests at her wedding. All of whom seemed to make it on time just fine. I had 35 guests at my wedding. One of my guests was late. The other 34 were there. The late guest stood unobtrusively over to the side until the ceremony was over.

Like the other PPs have pointed out. If guests are late, that's on THEM. Do not punish the people who arrived on time.

In addition, I've lived in three very different places in this country. I've never had the impression that people in So. CA are "habitually late" as compared to anywhere else. I think that is more on an individual basis than on a regional basis.

However, if you feel your friends/family group tend to be "late comers", casually mention to the chattiest people that your wedding will be at 4:30 SHARP. That you're excited to walk down that aisle and you don't care who isn't there yet.

ei34 · April 2017

List 4:30 as the start time. Do any of your guests work? Or have doctor's appointments?
Or take their kids to school? Adults know how to factor in traffic/parking etc when given a start time.
My H's family is late for everything (they blame it on their culture), and some of them were late to our ceremony. Who cares? H and I were still married at the end of the day...and the rest of our guests weren't left to sit around for an extra 30 minutes.
My SIL (H's side) just hosted everyone for her daughter's communion. It started at 12 but the invitation said 11:30. She knows her family runs late and wanted everyone on time, and most of them did make it by 12, but it left a really bad taste in my mouth. H and I were sitting in a church pew at 11:20 with an almost 3-yr-old and 22-mo-old twins, nearing lunch and nap time, the oldest potty training and not in a diaper, and it just sucked. Big time. Don't do that to any of your guests. Please don't.

ernursej · April 2017

H and I are very different. H (and his family) are late to everything and me (and my family) are the first people to show up. He thinks weddings always start late and the time listed is more of a guideline. Most that we've been part of do start late, but I was bound and determined to start mine on time which was what I listed on the invite.

We started right on time and had probably 10 people show up late. They are always the same late people. We didn't put an earlier time because that would be punishing the on time people.

cowgirl8238 · April 2017

Our ceremony was almost late because my DHs grandmother hadn't shown up yet. The DOC came up to me 5 minutes before we were to walk and I just shrugged and said, not my problem if she's late but DH wanted to wait. She ended up walking to her seat 1 minute before the processional started. I think about 10-15 guests were late/missed the ceremony. I have noticed that these relatives are now extra early to other events so maybe they learned we won't wait for them.

mollybarker11 · April 2017

If your wedding is casual and invitation wording is very nontraditional you could write it out as
"ceremony begins at 4:30
reception begins at 5:30"
but everyone with a brain knows that the time on the invitation is the time the ceremony begins. I would find "be seated by 4:30" or "arrive at 4:00" to be rude and condescending.

If you wrote 4:00 on the wedding and didn't start the procession until 4:30 it would 100% tempt gossipy guests to wonder if you got cold feet or why else were you half an hour late to your own wedding!

[Deleted User] · April 2017

Slight thread jack... how "on time" do I have to be? My wedding will take place at my reception location. There will not be a procession or an aisle. Basically, me, my groom, and our officiant will stand up in the middle of the reception space with all our guest seated at their tables (or standing around us if they feel too far away), and we'll have a ceremony. I would hope people will grab drinks as they arrive and will have a drink in their hand during the ceremony. If I say we're starting at 1pm, do we have to be standing in the middle of the room talking by 1:01? Or do I get a five minute "gap" to make up for the lack of procession?

mollybarker11 · April 2017

@adk19 Will there be some musical cue that the ceremony's about to start? Or perhaps the officiant will make an announcement to call everyone's attention? I would have that happen at 1:00.

MobKaz · April 2017

adk19 said:

Slight thread jack... how "on time" do I have to be? My wedding will take place at my reception location. There will not be a procession or an aisle. Basically, me, my groom, and our officiant will stand up in the middle of the reception space with all our guest seated at their tables (or standing around us if they feel too far away), and we'll have a ceremony. I would hope people will grab drinks as they arrive and will have a drink in their hand during the ceremony. If I say we're starting at 1pm, do we have to be standing in the middle of the room talking by 1:01? Or do I get a five minute "gap" to make up for the lack of procession?

My interpretation would be that at 1:00, some type of prelude music would begin to indicate to any non-seated guests that the ceremony is beginning. I would allow that musical "window" , if you will, to afford guests the time needed to finish having their drink order filled and find a seat. That would give you your 5 minutes. I would not perceive that as a late start or gap.

DrillSergeantCat · April 2017

You had to take a train to get to my ceremony site. Once the train left the station, you couldn't get another one since they shut it off during the ceremony. I put the ceremony time on the invitations and the website stated, "The train will depart the station at 5pm." I had 3 people only able to catch the train because it stopped to pick up the WP. You can't dictate other people's time, unfortunately, and as a pp said, if your wedding starts 30 minutes after you've said it will, I'm going to think someone is running.

[Deleted User] · April 2017

MobKaz said:

adk19 said:

Slight thread jack... how "on time" do I have to be? My wedding will take place at my reception location. There will not be a procession or an aisle. Basically, me, my groom, and our officiant will stand up in the middle of the reception space with all our guest seated at their tables (or standing around us if they feel too far away), and we'll have a ceremony. I would hope people will grab drinks as they arrive and will have a drink in their hand during the ceremony. If I say we're starting at 1pm, do we have to be standing in the middle of the room talking by 1:01? Or do I get a five minute "gap" to make up for the lack of procession?

My interpretation would be that at 1:00, some type of prelude music would begin to indicate to any non-seated guests that the ceremony is beginning. I would allow that musical "window" , if you will, to afford guests the time needed to finish having their drink order filled and find a seat. That would give you your 5 minutes. I would not perceive that as a late start or gap.

Crap. Now I have to think about music. How about having loud-ish music playing as people walk in (but quiet enough to talk), then the queue can be the music turning OFF for the ceremony to start?

charlotte989875 · April 2017

adk19 said:

MobKaz said:

adk19 said:

Slight thread jack... how "on time" do I have to be? My wedding will take place at my reception location. There will not be a procession or an aisle. Basically, me, my groom, and our officiant will stand up in the middle of the reception space with all our guest seated at their tables (or standing around us if they feel too far away), and we'll have a ceremony. I would hope people will grab drinks as they arrive and will have a drink in their hand during the ceremony. If I say we're starting at 1pm, do we have to be standing in the middle of the room talking by 1:01? Or do I get a five minute "gap" to make up for the lack of procession?

My interpretation would be that at 1:00, some type of prelude music would begin to indicate to any non-seated guests that the ceremony is beginning. I would allow that musical "window" , if you will, to afford guests the time needed to finish having their drink order filled and find a seat. That would give you your 5 minutes. I would not perceive that as a late start or gap.

Crap. Now I have to think about music. How about having loud-ish music playing as people walk in (but quiet enough to talk), then the queue can be the music turning OFF for the ceremony to start?

I think that's fine; what you're going for is an indication that something is changing and the ceremony is about to start. I say you have a 5 minute window of starting, but longer than that I'm starting to wonder what's going on.

levioosa · April 2017

charlotte989875 said:

adk19 said:

MobKaz said:

adk19 said:

Slight thread jack... how "on time" do I have to be? My wedding will take place at my reception location. There will not be a procession or an aisle. Basically, me, my groom, and our officiant will stand up in the middle of the reception space with all our guest seated at their tables (or standing around us if they feel too far away), and we'll have a ceremony. I would hope people will grab drinks as they arrive and will have a drink in their hand during the ceremony. If I say we're starting at 1pm, do we have to be standing in the middle of the room talking by 1:01? Or do I get a five minute "gap" to make up for the lack of procession?

My interpretation would be that at 1:00, some type of prelude music would begin to indicate to any non-seated guests that the ceremony is beginning. I would allow that musical "window" , if you will, to afford guests the time needed to finish having their drink order filled and find a seat. That would give you your 5 minutes. I would not perceive that as a late start or gap.

Crap. Now I have to think about music. How about having loud-ish music playing as people walk in (but quiet enough to talk), then the queue can be the music turning OFF for the ceremony to start?

I think that's fine; what you're going for is an indication that something is changing and the ceremony is about to start. I say you have a 5 minute window of starting, but longer than that I'm starting to wonder what's going on.

That's basically what happens for concerts and the theater. I think people will get the hint.

ETA: You could also change the type and tempo of music. For example, have loud-ish upbeat contemporary music playing when people arrive and settle in, then lower the music and change it to something pretty and classical.

CMGragain · April 2017

I am a retired church organist, and I have played at more than 100 weddings. I always played for about twenty minutes while the guests were being seated. I was prepared to pad that by about ten minutes. When I saw the pastor and the groomsmen lined up at the front of the church, I knew it was my signal to end the prelude and to play whatever processional music the couple had chosen.

Only twice was there a significant delay, both due to poor planning. I had to stop playing and rest after an hour. Once I actually fell because my feet were numb. It was very embarrassing for everyone, but I really couldn't continue without a break. (You try perching on a wooden bench with your arms and legs moving for more than an hour!) My contract stated that there was a penalty for late weddings, and those two times, I enforced it! I would much rather have done the wedding as scheduled.

It is extremely rude to delay the start of your wedding to wait for extra guests who do not have the common courtesy to come on time. Do not do this. Your guests will remember and wonder why you didn't care about starting on time.

flantastic · April 2017

CMGragain said:

I am a retired church organist, and I have played at more than 100 weddings. I always played for about twenty minutes while the guests were being seated. I was prepared to pad that by about ten minutes. When I saw the pastor and the groomsmen lined up at the front of the church, I knew it was my signal to end the prelude and to play whatever processional music the couple had chosen.

Only twice was there a significant delay, both due to poor planning. I had to stop playing and rest after an hour. Once I actually fell because my feet were numb. It was very embarrassing for everyone, but I really couldn't continue without a break. (You try perching on a wooden bench with your arms and legs moving for more than an hour!) My contract stated that there was a penalty for late weddings, and those two times, I enforced it! I would much rather have done the wedding as scheduled.

It is extremely rude to delay the start of your wedding to wait for extra guests who do not have the common courtesy to come on time. Do not do this. Your guests will remember and wonder why you didn't care about starting on time.

I mean, presumably the organist would be told the ceremony start time, not the "arrival" time, and would only be playing their normal amount of time.

But yes, having two separate times is still a very rude gesture to everyone who actually knows how to get places on time.

What Time to List on Wedding Invite?

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