A very close friend of mine died very suddenly at age 30 just two weeks ago, and as a result, I’ve been fielding a lot of messages from our mutual friends, including acquaintances who went to school with us but who lost touch with him years ago. They keep asking how he died—one person who didn’t know him even asked if he’d killed himself! (He didn’t, and there was no reason to assume that he had.)
This has been very difficult to address repeatedly, but I’d rather be the one to answer those invasive questions than his family members. His mom expressed great relief that no one had asked her this (yet). I’m trying to be understanding because it’s natural to be curious when someone dies young, but many of them didn’t even know him, and I’m starting to lose patience. His funeral was this weekend, and I hoped the questions would stop after the service, but they haven’t. Only a few people know the exact details of his death, and his family doesn’t want everyone to know. I’m keeping my answers concise and matter-of-fact without giving too much away, but I’m struggling with it, and I’m worried I’m eventually going to snap and say something rude. It’s not any one person that is getting to me, just the accrual of questions coming from everyone. When can I expect these questions to stop? Am I allowed to shut the questions down, or is that rude? I don’t want people bugging his family for information if they can’t get it from me.