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Chit Chat
Family dinner?
Who here that has kiddos eats dinner together as a family? At what age did you start doing so?
We have a friend who made a comment to DH that she eats dinner with her sons every night (I'm not sure about her husband) and that everyone should. Her kids are 2 and 4.
Our son is 1. After I get home from work we play, I make him dinner, hang with him while he eats, bath or more play, stories then bed at 7. DH and I eat around 8 or 9.
What's the norm?
Re: Family dinner?
While I don't have kids, I grew up always having dinner as a family. Started pretty much immediately. Now I was the oldest, so it might not have started right away for me. By the time my brothers were born I was 5 and all 6 of us were eating together. When we started to get older and each having activities and all it would slow down a few times a week.
My siblings all have kids and starting eating together as a family almost from the start also. Again, as the kid's activities starting ramping up it started to slow, but they eat together as a family as much as possible.
Dinner as a family is a priority for me. It's important to me that we eat together, talk about our days, talk about plans. Starting early is helping DH and me develop good habits for dinner since we'd gotten into the habit of eating in front of the TV or our computers before DS came along.
DH and I generally will take one weekend night to skip eating with DS and do something for ourselves later.
He's a FOMO kid and liked to run around while we "helicopter fed" him. Once we found ourselves doing this, we made a concerted effort to stop. If he's going to eat it's going to be in his highchair (at the table when he gets older). If nothing else, we're just trying to establish basic rules - "food belongs at the table" and "we eat as a family".
As she gets older, I want us all to sit down at the table together and eat.
Once our children were able to sit in high chair and eat solids - around 6 - 8 months, they ate dinner with us every night. We'd feed them dinner while we ate. As they grew, we'd give them bits and pieces of adult food to try. When they were newborn infants, we had a bassinet in the dining room.
We usually ate together as a family, but it wasn't a hard and fast rule. Plus, my dad worked at a power plant and rotated shifts, so sometimes he was working during the dinner hour. I don't really remember what time we usually ate. Probably 6:00ish?
It was less often and probably later in the evening, once my sister and I were teenagers. But still, we usually all ate dinner together.
In my 20s, I ate dinner much later than I do now. Like 8 or 9. My H is an early riser and a number of years ago I started eating lunch at 11:30, instead of noon (usually). Now we usually eat dinner between 6:30-7:00.
Technically we usually eat dinner together, but we don't have a dining room table, so dinner is at our assorted spots we hang out in the evening...though at least in the same room. We don't have kids, so that definitely plays into a less structured set-up for dinner.
Generally speaking, I think families with kids should strive to have dinner together when it is possible. I think it helps to bond people and bring them closer together. It's a good opportunity for everyone to share what is happening in their lives.
With that said, I'm hoping your friend didn't mean that in a "mommy wars" judgy tone. Her situation isn't necessarily everyone's situation. Maybe one or both parents work during dinner time. The main thing is that parents spend regular, quality time with their children. Dinner is often a convenient choice for that, but it doesn't work for everyone. Nor does it have be a hard and fast, "every single night always", rule. Life happens, sometimes flexibility can be a person's best asset.
I think eating with the kids depends mostly on the parents' work schedules. My sister and cousin with kids around the age of mine don't eat with them, since they work until 5:30-6ish and have commutes from the city out to the 'burbs...by the time they walk in there's enough for some play and bath time. I work part time, and at a school, so I'm out by 3, with a quick commute. So making dinner and eating together is easier. Each family has their own unique needs.
Growing up, dinner was always served around 5pm (early rising family) and everyone came to the table to eat. As soon as my brother or I were on the "eat dinner at dinner time" schedule we joined at the table in a highchair. I think it wasn't until I hit my 20s that I started skipping out and missing those dinners.
In our house, my DH and I always make a point to sit at the dinner table and eat together whenever practical. Occasionally if one of us is working extra late we will "do our own thing" but its rare. We do plan on having children and are planning to continue the tradition of eating dinner together every night. I feel that it is important to spend some time just connecting on a human level without the distractions of TV, phones, etc. Of course everyone is different and there really isn't a "normal" out there, so I wouldn't worry too much about what others are doing.
What did your son do when you started family dinners? They are like 2 years part, right? Was he engaged initially? What time do you typically eat?
They're 3 yrs 9 mo apart. So we started around the time that I was pregnant with DS and then we incorporated DS into the family routine.
At the very beginning of DS's life, I sat and nursed him at the table. I joke that DS was 4 months old before I could cut my own meat. Dinner hour was the "witching hour" for him so he was pretty much attached to me until bedtime.
One he was old enough to chill, he'd be in a bouncy near DH and me to hang out but most of the time dinner was with dude in the lap and one hand on a fork.
Then by the time he was 6 mo ish, we started solids and would try to get him to participate. He gradually became a part of the nightly meal that way.
We usually eat at 7 and bedtime for kiddos starts at 8ish.
Edit: fixed bedtime
We not only ate together, we often cooked together as soon as my brother and I were old enough to be much help. We both got to be pretty decent cooks as a result.
I think family dinners are great if you can do them, but like @STARMOON44 says, there are a lot of ways to spend family time.
However my parents would ensure that on weekends - typically Sundays - we would have a family meal. My husband had the same deal with his family, so likely we will continue the idea.
Ideal world, you eat as a family every night but with ages and activities, it's hard.
If dinner doesn't work for you as a family, maybe another meal does? Or reading time together. I think the important thing is bonding as a family/connecting with one another/knowing whats happening in their lives. That can happen over dinner, but can also happen in many other ways.
We've always done family dinners. But even now, DS is 3 and it's hit or miss with him. Some nights he'll eat a couple of bites, go do something with his cars, run back for another bite, return to his cars, etc. Sometimes he manages to sit and chat for a decent length of time.
We are a lucky family though. FI is a SAHP and I work until 4 with some flexibility. So, I'm home no later than 5:00 most nights and dinner is ready to go.
Agreed. I was *very* lucky growing up, and the older I get, the more aware of it I am.