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Wedding Etiquette Forum
megtownxx
member
Paying for a Bridal Shower Discussion
So I was at a bridal shower this weekend, and a few of us were just chatting about showers in general. One girl was saying how she's a BM in an upcoming wedding (there's 10 BMs BTW...) and a family member emailed them all asking for $500 EACH. AND THE BRIDE WAS CC'ED.
When I heard this I knew I had to post it on this board. Have any of you heard of this before?
When I heard this I knew I had to post it on this board. Have any of you heard of this before?
Re: Paying for a Bridal Shower Discussion
Holy shit. I have so many questions. Was the bride just CC'd or is she totally on board with this? How many people are invited to this shower? Why is it $5000?
I am sad this was in passing. That wedding sounds like a shit show.
Like anything else, assuming the BMs offered to contribute, any finances/plans should have been discussed and agreed to...individually...ahead of time.
Otherwise, too bad/so sad to the bride's family member that mistakenly thinks they control my checkbook.
And, yeah, whoa. What kind of shower is $5K? Sounds really excessive. I mean, if there are 100 guests...which would be HUGE for a shower...that's already $50/plate for (I'm guessing) lunch.
I hope she said "No!" to the request for money.
i don't actually know any details about the shower or even remotely know who this bride is, so unfortch i just get to let my mind suppose what it could be like. all the girl said was that the bride was CC'ed, so clearly she was aware and didnt address it.
i would totally be on board with helping and contributing, EVEN IF it summed $500 for someone i truly love and care about...but to have your family member email me and assume i'm down with that? plus, a $5000 bridal shower? christ....
she responded privately with the amount that she was comfortable paying and i think the other "friend" BMs did the same.
i didn't say that 5 of the BMs were friends and the other 5 were family, so i think the parents were covering the family BMs portion? i dk, it was so effed up.
The MOH eventually sent out a group message to all the BMs saying we owed $300 each, and she had already booked the cottage and shower venue without discussing any of this with us. The venue was close to where the MOH lived (in the middle of nowhere), a 45 minute drive from where the bride lived, and at least 30 minutes for all of the bridesmaids and I would assume other guests (there are many more convenient locations closer to everyone else, but she chose the one close to her). It was a "brunch" shower, but only had breakfast foods, and there were about 20-25 people there. The cottage was only $150 (great deal for that!), but.. 5 bridesmaids, so $1350 for the shower. That's over $50 a plate for literally pancakes, fruit, bacon, scrambled eggs, and fruit juice. For reference, my wedding venue was about 20-30 minutes from this venue, so same general area, and including rental of hall, dinner, and full bar the cost was $45 per person.
Anyway, I did pay it because I love my friend and there wasn't much I could do once the venue had been booked (and I did agree to split cost), but I did let the MOH know I was not happy about just being told a price with no input (to which she responded she was just trying to be helpful and do all the leg work
I would have replied all with that number - not that it's anyone's business, but just in case any of the other BMs were feeling that wasn't an option, I'd like to pave the way for them.