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Destination Weddings Discussions
Invites for a 10 hour destination wedding?
My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding in an attempt to save money. We found a local officiant that will put everything together for our big day in St. Thomas for less than $1000. It's a unique situation because we will be in St. Thomas for one day as a stop on our cruise in December. Is it still OK to invite people for a "Destination Wedding" when we aren't even going to be there more than 10 hours (if that)? The cruise is with my family, my fiance wants to invite his family, but I don't expect them to come, for obvious reasons. Is it better to just invite them (and others) and not feel hurt if they don't come? I don't consider this eloping, but he wants everything to be simple and carefree. However, I want to have the experience of having a bridal shower, bach party, etc. We've been together for 11 years, and people already assume we've eloped and just haven't announced it, but I plan on being with one man the rest of my life, I think we both deserve to have these experiences! TYIA! 
Re: Invites for a 10 hour destination wedding?
Firstly, destination weddings are never cost-saving exercises. They just push costs onto your guests. Frankly, I just think this is a nightmare to organise. What happens if the cruise is late? Or the officiant is sick? In an ideal world, I don't really think this is enough time to spend with people when you have asked them to fly all the way to the Caribbean. But in one of those situations listed above, there is a very real chance your wedding will not take place. This seems the opposite of easy and stress-free.
$1000 buys a lot of cake and punch. Why not just get married in a local park and have cake and punch? That way you can invite all of your friends. You can enjoy your cruise without having to stress about these logistics.
As Lisa said, you're not actually saving costs, you're just shoving them off to your guests. Most likely, not very many people will be able/willing to fly to St. Thomas to see you quickly get married as a stop on your cruise. You're asking people to spend thousands of dollars and vacation time. And when you decide to have a DW like this, you sometimes have to give up a lot of things, like a traditional shower.
I see no issue with getting married while you're on your cruise. But I wouldn't invite people to fly down and join you if you're really just in-and-out.
Are you inviting everyone to join on the cruise or just your family?
Showers and parties are great if someone OFFERS to throw them for you. It is incredibly tacky to host a party in your own honor. Very few people deserve a party thrown in their honor but it is a nice gesture If someone offers.
I am sure this makes me sound like I am in it for the wedding more than the relationship, but that's not true. If I was, I would have expected something much sooner than after 11 years together. It's important to me to have family there and my (female) best friend (other than my fiance) by my side. Maybe after he reads some of these posts, we can come to more of an agreement.
As for the shower/bach party, it's a privilege and not a right. I have been married previously and had the whole set of parties. I thought the same thing as you- I'm going to be married to this man forever so I need to do all of the traditional things (and people did offer to throw the parties for me). Well, it didn't last. I was with my now H a long time prior to getting married and people thought we eloped. We actually DID elope, but not when people thought. We made the decision to forgo a traditional wedding and everything that went with it. We're totally 100% married and I happen to think it was SO worth not dealing with the traditional stuff. However, you seem to want people around and you want to do traditional things, so I recommend having a more traditional wedding.
You cannot "invite" people (family, or otherwise) to be on a cruise with you unless you are paying for their cruise!
I think getting married in St. Thomas during a port stop is a bad idea. I have been on 23 cruises. So many things can go wrong, and you will have no control. St. Thomas' number one industry is tourism. It is not cheap there. $1000 won't buy much of a reception. It would have to be a morning ceremony with an brunch or lunch reception. You are asking a lot of your guests to fly to St. Thomas for this kind of wedding.
If you want a simple carefree wedding, have a ceremony at home in the afternoon followed by a simple cake and punch style reception. Very traditional, and you can afford to invite as many people as you wish. If you are religious, an afternoon church wedding is easy. No dinner, alcohol, dancing, or DJ. You can do without bridesmaids and groomsmen.
No one "deserves" bridal showers or bachelorette parties. If someone offers to give you one, then OK. Many brides do not get them. If someone does offer to give you a party, you can only invite people who will be on your invitation list for your ceremony and reception.
This is also just a personal preference, but the part about DWs that I never understood is that if your guests stay longer with you, they're kind of on your honeymoon with you. I know cruise ships are big enough you're not all on top o each other, but it's not like you're going to ignore your family, right?
ETA: I love St. Thomas and the islands, love travelling and have the vacation time to go, but I probably wouldn't attend a DW in a situation like that. You may want to consider how likely it is that your VIP guests (who wouldn't be on the cruise) would be able to attend.
If you go the destination wedding route, plan it properly and do it if that's really what you want. But I would not try to "fit it in" while you're on a cruise with your parents.
Plus then you're honeymooning (for the rest of your cruise) with your parents. I mean, to each their own, but not something I'd choose.
You know you could just have a simple, medium sized wedding wherever you live. With your big family, you'll just have to live and learn the phrase "we're keeping it small and weren't able to invite everyone."
What are these obvious reasons?
Are you implying that you want to invite guests you know won't attend just so you have people that can be invited to a shower?
No one deserves anything.
I lived in St Thomas, many people got married on the island from cruise ships. Some were just the couple. Other times it was a larger group of family and friends.
I'm not completely against the practice like others, but I'm just not feeling it with your situation. Already planned vacation with your family. Throwing together a wedding. May or many not invite your FI's side. It's in December which can add another set of issues, holidays, etc.
Whatever you do own your choice. Do not invite people in order to get the experience, knowing they will not be able to come.
On other note, $1000 doesn't get you much in ST Thomas. Does the package at least come with cake and punch for those who do make the wedding?
http://visitstthomas.com/cruise_ships.html
I agree with posters that this may not be great.
I'm someone who can and has gone from Canada to St. Maarten for 48 hours to join others for an event (non wedding). I can envision people coming to join you, but I would be irritated if I traveled all that way to see you get married and then something happened and it didn't take place.
I think you can plan the size of the wedding you want and do it local. H and I could have easily invited 150 people to our wedding, but we carefully curated our guest list and ended up inviting just 50 people. You can do something small and intimate (think cocktails and canapes at 8pm/cake and punch reception at 2pm) that would be under the $1000 price you mentioned.
Remember that the only things you need to get married are license, officiant and witnesses depending on state/province. Everything else is extra. As soon as you invite guests, you do have to consider their comfort (chairs, food/drink at some sort of reception) but it can be simple.
If friends have offered to throw you parties then no problem. Just make sure to only invite people invited to the wedding. FWIW though, I doubt many people get to their 20 year anniversary and say, 'It's been nice but it would have been better if I had just had that bridal shower.'
I see no problem inviting them to St. Thomas for the wedding as long as they will be properly hosted when they get there. As PP said, when people shell out a lot of time and money the expectation is for a little more than cake and punch. An invitation is not a summons and they can decide if it is worth it or not.
Just an an alternative idea.
What port city are you leaving from? Could you have a small ceremony (your parents, best friend, his parents, and who else you both want there) followed by a nice reception at a restaurant? Then you and your family can go on the cruise and his family won't have to cough up the money.