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Wedding Woes

Am I being too sensitive??

edited May 2017 in Wedding Woes
Hi everyone! I have been having a hard time dealing with this in my head and would like some outside input. Sorry for the long story...

I started a new job about a year ago in a relatively small office with 10 employees. A month into working there, 2 new people (A and B ) were hired and 1 moved away (C) within the same week. Our supervisor organized a party. It was explicity titled "Going away party for C and welcome party for A and B!" in emails. I was a little hurt to not be included but decided it was probably just an oversight. I went to the party and didn't make it into a big deal. 

Fast forward to this month, we have a departmental meeting which includes our office and several others in the same system. One of my coworkers is due to have a baby in July (D) and one is getting married in August (E). Our supervisor again organized a party within the meeting explicitly titled "Baby celebration for D and Wedding celebration for E" and has been collecting money for gifts. I am getting married in September and my supervisor is aware because she has asked me about it.  


I can't help but feel excluded by this. I get along with everyone in the office including my supervisor. I would never expect a party for either of these occasions at work, but if they are going to be held for multiple people I would appreciate inclusion. Just not sure what to think. Maybe I'm being over sensitive and just need to hear it from objective sources.

I was also planning to invite all of my co workers to my wedding. Now I'm unsure. 

Thanks for any help/tough love/advice in advance :)

Re: Am I being too sensitive??

  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Agree with PP, perhaps they are planning one for yours closer to the date

    i do understand being left out of work stuff. I am in a small department (boss and coworker at first, now it is only me and boss) and they forgot my birthday the first year and protocol is dept lunch celebration for birthday and work anniversary but I never get that bc my boss never plans it or asks. It stinks that everyone else in the company gets those things bc they have real departments but I'm more an island of 1 and Get left out of that kind of stuff 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    Hi everyone! I have been having a hard time dealing with this in my head and would like some outside input. Sorry for the long story...

    I started a new job about a year ago in a relatively small office with 10 employees. A month into working there, 2 new people (A and B ) were hired and 1 moved away (C) within the same week. Our supervisor organized a party. It was explicity titled "Going away party for C and welcome party for A and B!" in emails. I was a little hurt to not be included but decided it was probably just an oversight. I went to the party and didn't make it into a big deal. 

    Fast forward to this month, we have a departmental meeting which includes our office and several others in the same system. One of my coworkers is due to have a baby in July (D) and one is getting married in August (E). Our supervisor again organized a party within the meeting explicitly titled "Baby celebration for D and Wedding celebration for E" and has been collecting money for gifts. I am getting married in September and my supervisor is aware because she has asked me about it.  


    I can't help but feel excluded by this. I get along with everyone in the office including my supervisor. I would never expect a party for either of these occasions at work, but if they are going to be held for multiple people I would appreciate inclusion. Just not sure what to think. Maybe I'm being over sensitive and just need to hear it from objective sources.

    I was also planning to invite all of my co workers to my wedding. Now I'm unsure. 

    Thanks for any help/tough love/advice in advance :)


    It's understandable to feel a little hurt, but I would try to brush it off. I also agree with pps--maybe your celebration is at a later date. I wanted to add a little something about inviting coworkers--it's not mandatory. Invite them if you want, but it's totally okay etiquette wise to exclude them as long as you haven't already given out STDs. 


    image
    charlotte989875short+sassyOurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • Thank you all for your replies. I'll do my best to shrug it off :)

    I know I'm not required to invite all or any of my coworkers. I think the bit that made this sting the worst is that I genuinely believed we were all friends and that they would be excited to be invited. I'll hope for the best and maybe they have something planned later. If not, I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm sure this will be the last thing on my mind when wedding day finally comes!
    ILoveBeachMusicHeffalumpshort+sassyOurWildKingdom


  • Thank you all for your replies. I'll do my best to shrug it off :)

    I know I'm not required to invite all or any of my coworkers. I think the bit that made this sting the worst is that I genuinely believed we were all friends and that they would be excited to be invited. I'll hope for the best and maybe they have something planned later. If not, I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm sure this will be the last thing on my mind when wedding day finally comes!



    I'm with the others, I would definitely try to shake it off.  And it really is possible that they'll do something closer to your actual wedding date.  If not, then it sucks, but life goes on.

    You're free to invite whomever you like to your wedding, but I'm curious: do you socialize with these coworkers outside of work?
    OurWildKingdom
  • Agree with the advice from PPs.  It's going to be hard to put it aside, but I would really try.

    It also looks like there is a pattern here.  Your supervisor realizes X event is happening (A & B are hired, D is having a baby) and then also realizes/learns/is told that another event is happening within what supervisor considers to be the same time frame (C is leaving, E is getting married).  The supervisor then decides in the interest of time/productivity/perceived fairness to make what may have otherwise been a single celebration into a joint event.  It's easy, it prevents planning two gatherings and it acknowledges what is going on in the immediate future.

    It may be that for whatever reason, your events happen outside of what the supervisor considers the "same" time; for example, you were settled into your work when A & B arrived or your wedding is too far removed E's too be considered in the same season.  It's not personal - it's just the way your supervisor see times periods and related events.

    If you notice this becoming a trend (for example, another's life event is overlooked), then it may be worthwhile to discuss this with whoever is in charge of planning the celebrations.  Perhaps all that is needed is a calendar of celebrations or events so that no one feels excluded.

      
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    Anniversary


    charlotte989875short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I feel you. I'm the only female where I work and I get left out of a lot. We used to celebrate birthdays because it was my job to do them. When I realized that no one was going to bother to even say happy birthday to me, I quit doing the celebrations. I've gotten divorced, married, and had 2 babies since I've been here. I've celebrated 4 birthdays and 4 Christmases. I've gotten 2 gifts both for Christmas. There was zero acknowledgment of my wedding except one coworker who asked how it was. The only acknowledgment that I'd had a baby was a "Oh! Are you back?" while simultaneously handing me a stack of work my boss had been saving. It sucks. It hurts. It makes me feel left out. Honestly, it's part of the reason I'm looking for other employment. 

    I'd like to say that I'd go to my boss and remind him that I, too, have upcoming nuptials, but I wouldn't. I'd sulk and be mad about it which isn't very productive and I don't recommend it. I'd definitely see if nothing happens before your wedding and then take your boss aside and tell him/her that it hurts that you've been excluded from the celebrations. 
    short+sassy
  • I socialize with them outside of work occasionally. Not every week but we have get togethers every couple of months.
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would probably be hurt about it.  Do you have a close(r) coworker who you could confide in who could approach boss about setting up your party?  

    DrillSergeantCatshort+sassy
  • I don't think you're being too sensitive at all.  PPs have made a lot of great points.  I really hope your party will just be a bit later.  It does sound like, to me, your work is probably just a bit disorganized in celebrations.  I don't think you're intentionally being excluded.  But it's still hurtful, nonetheless!  I totally get that. 

    I've been there myself.  At a previous job, it was a medium sized company, but I worked in a small department.  Three of the women in that department had worked together the longest and were all "besties".  One of them was the dept. manager.  If it was one of their birthdays, one of the other ones would throw a big hoopla.  Fully decorating that person's office where every surface was covered with something pink and "Happy Birthday".  A break taken in the afternoon for us all to enjoy cake or cupcakes.  The "office decorating" was just for the three of them.  But everyone else did get the cake/cupcake treatment...except me.

    My birthday rolled around and, even though other coworkers wished me a happy birthday, no one from my department did.  About a week later, the manager came up to me and said something like, "I'm so sorry!  You're birthday was last week!"  I confirmed that it was and she went on to say, "Happy Late Birthday!  You should have said something."  Ummm...no...I SHOULDN'T have had to say something.  At least that is what I was thinking, lol.  What I actually said was something like "that's okay".

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    DrillSergeantCatOurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • justsiejustsie member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I wonder, since you mentioned that some of your coworkers are invited to the wedding, if they expect to be invited to the shower too and therefor  don't feel the need to have something else at work?
    image
  • it's possible they are doing a surprise party, too. 

    I got married about 6 months or so after I had started working for my previous company. - I didn't expect the group to do anything since i was relatively new, but was floored when they had a massive surprise party for me about a week or 2 before the wedding. 

    you can feel how you feel, but i probably wouldn't lose sleep over it. it does sound like the celebrations only really happen when several events coincide, so maybe with your wedding still several months off, it's not on the radar for this round. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • This happened to me at a previous organization. My birthday and work anniversary got skipped. After a few weeks of obsessing over what it meant, I asked an understanding friend if she could subtly mention it to the party committee. I explained I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I did want to be part of the celebration the next year.

    It turned out the line with my name accidentally got cut off the party list, and the planning committee was mortified. When I got engaged, they threw me an engagement party and went all out, which put to rest all of the insecurities I'd been having about being left out.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
    DrillSergeantCatshort+sassy
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