Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I regularly host parties, and while we always invite all of our friends, the only person who attends every event is “Mitch.” Once a conversation about a problem I was having at work nearly turned into a screaming match because Mitch kept asking me over and over how I was going to fix it and wouldn’t let up until I gave him an answer that made him happy. Mitch was so upset that he slammed his hands on our table and took a long smoke break outside to “calm down.” After this incident I just avoided conversations with Mitch, but he still makes his irritation known. Recently we all went to a concert as a group, and Mitch kept saying how upset he was that it wasn’t a “guys’ night” and that he missed their college days before “everyone got a girlfriend and abandoned” him. Since then I have stopped going to events where Mitch will be unless it’s a big enough group that I don’t have to interact with him.
I’d avoided bringing this up with my boyfriend since I thought it was all in my head. However, in the past few months, multiple friends have pointed out Mitch’s rude behavior toward me. My boyfriend, however, doesn’t see it and dismisses me when I bring this up. He says Mitch is going through a tough time (job issues, financial struggles, etc.) so I should stop picking on him. I would be fine with this, but my boyfriend keeps making it worse by not letting me avoid Mitch. If we’re having game night and I can’t handle playing with Mitch anymore, my boyfriend will play my hand “until I’m ready” instead of letting me stay busy in the kitchen. If we’re having movie night my boyfriend doesn’t understand why I’ll sit on the opposite end of the room when there’s an empty seat by Mitch. It’s gotten to the point where these parties I used to look forward to stress me out so much that I don’t want to be in my own house. It’s becoming more awkward for everyone, not just me, but every time my boyfriend tries to get us to play nice something goes wrong. How can I fix this problem? If Mitch was my own friend I would have cut ties long ago but that doesn’t seem to be an option since he and my boyfriend are still on good terms.