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Wedding Etiquette Forum
beachwedding2017
member
so i sent these diy cards to "propose" to my bridesmaids and also to my mom to walk me down the aisle. My mom called me right away when she opened it(last Monday). I asked 5 ladies to be bridesmaids and I have yet to hear back from 1. I also enclosed a personalized, hand-written letter to each lady. Just saying how much their friendship means to me, reminiscing funny stories, etc. The 1 that didn't respond, I haven't heard a word. She's an upfront, straight-forward, says what's on her mind kind of chick. She lives 2.5 hours away from me, so it's not like I can I ask her to grab dinner and ask her about it. It is a destination wedding, so I know many guests won't come bc of not being able to afford it. But, she's been upfront with me in the past when I invited her to things and she couldn't afford it. I'm just disappointed and sad that I haven't heard anything and it will be a week tomorrow. Also, I know I sent it to the right address, bc I asked each lady individually for their address like 2 months ago.
Bridesmaid not responding?
so i sent these diy cards to "propose" to my bridesmaids and also to my mom to walk me down the aisle. My mom called me right away when she opened it(last Monday). I asked 5 ladies to be bridesmaids and I have yet to hear back from 1. I also enclosed a personalized, hand-written letter to each lady. Just saying how much their friendship means to me, reminiscing funny stories, etc. The 1 that didn't respond, I haven't heard a word. She's an upfront, straight-forward, says what's on her mind kind of chick. She lives 2.5 hours away from me, so it's not like I can I ask her to grab dinner and ask her about it. It is a destination wedding, so I know many guests won't come bc of not being able to afford it. But, she's been upfront with me in the past when I invited her to things and she couldn't afford it. I'm just disappointed and sad that I haven't heard anything and it will be a week tomorrow. Also, I know I sent it to the right address, bc I asked each lady individually for their address like 2 months ago.
Re: Bridesmaid not responding?
ETA: and besides maybe she just hasn't checked her mail yet, there's a lot of other reasons why she may not have gotten it. Mail gets misdelivered all the time. Maybe it was put in the wrong box. At our last address, I had that happen frequently regardless of whether the address was correct. Maybe it got lost in the mail.
Just call her and ask. She may not have received it. Or, for any number of reasons she may have declined but a whole bridesmaid proposal as opposed to just a simple call or text makes things more awkward; so even a straight forward person may not know what to say.
It's been about 10 days for me. The only reason I check the mail is if I ordered something. Which I haven't done lately. All my bills are emailed. Not much time sensitive things would be sent via the mail so I don't bother checking it everyday.
Not only that, when I sent out my wedding invitations I had quite a few get lost, delayed or even returned when I had the correct address. Things get delayed sometimes when you use the mail.
approach, and wonder why it wasn't important enough for you to ask me in
person.
Ditto
Also while I don't agree that you have to ask in person (distance often makes that impractical), I would have preferred a phone call. I called all my bridesmaids because I wouldn't see them for several months.
Also keep this in mind for when you mail out invitations. Things happen to mail. If people don't rsvp by the date, call them up and ask them if they received the invitation. We've had many knotties who have had invitations disappear in the mail.
If I were asked to be a bridesmaid through a "proposal" or, for that matter, any means other than a simple and direct question along the lines of "I would be very honored to have you as my bridesmaid. Would you be willing?" I would feel uncomfortable, especially if it was by mail, electronic means, or some indirect way.
While it's nice of you to want to "honor" your bridal party by asking them in a "special" way, it can also be counterproductive, because it puts additional pressure on them to agree to do it and harder to say no if they can't.
Grow up, get your face out of your screen, and pick up the phone.
Full discloser: I was asked to be a bridesmaid in the mail in this manner, and I thought it was a really neat way. I was so excited that I texted the bride right away when I opened (didn't call bc I knew she was at work)
Maybe I do need to chill lol. But the other ladies sound very excited and are asking about all the details-dress, hair,shoes etc
In person was just too hard with our schedules. Plus she is hours away from me. Yes you can have close friendships with those who live far away, or even if you don't see each other often. I'll give it a few days and call her
FWIW, I don't think what you did was bad. I can just understand if she would have preferred something different.
I just want to add--to the bolded, please do not use that as a metric of how excited your friends are. People can still look forward to being in the wedding without squeeing over hair and makeup details.
My bff lives over two thousand miles away. We don't see each other or talk often, but we call each other when it's important or when we just need a bff chat.
Also, I'll sqeeee over hair and dresses and what not even if I'm not actually excited, just because it's often the polite thing to do. Keep in mind to pick a dress within the budgets of the bridesmaids after you've privately asked for their budgets, and that if you require ANYTHING else from them you should pay for it (hair, shoes, makeup, etc.). And they're also not obligated to attend any pre-wedding events, or throw any pre-wedding events. That's all voluntary--make sure they know that.
I know some people commented why not just call. FWIW calling is really out of character for me. I work 11 hour days on the phone. For close to a decade. Calling someone is usually the last thing I want to do when I get out of work and days off. Everyone knows I prefer texting and obviously can't talk while at work. Honestly when someone calls me, unless it's my off day, we usually end up playing phone tag. So @southernbelle0915 this is not something like oh I'm lazy and hide behind electronics.
I mean, I get it. I rarely call people other than my mom (speak to text is definitely not her friend). However, I call people when it's needed. This would have been one of those times. And I say that as an introvert who has to talk to people for 13 hours straight. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and call. That's life. It doesn't matter if you're "more comfortable texting." Sometimes life requires actual phone calls.
Eta: tk is frustrating me with their auto-refreshes on Mobile.
But this is you asking your best friends to stand up at arguable the most important event of your life. I'm sure you make phone calls for important things, right? This would be one of them.
You took the time to start a thread on TK, respond to it, read everyone's responses, etc. Tally up that time and you could have connected with your friend with a quick call and got your concerns taken care of.
Either way, I'm glad it worked out.