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Interfaith Weddings

Catholic Groom and Episcopal Bride

So, my fiance is Catholic (although he is agnostic now) but his father is a Catholic deacon. I'm Episcopalian and I want to get married in my church: the church my grandfather went to, and that my parents and sister were married in. The thing is, my fiance really wants his father to officiate, and I'm all for that, but it probably isn't possible due to Catholic restrictions. I also want my aunt, who is an Episcopal deacon, to also take part in the ceremony. We've decided to have it in my church (but he hasn't told his parents yet) since my parents and I both want to and my parents are paying for it, but my fiance got scared a while back when his dad asked him if we'd consider having a Catholic wedding and he told him it was possible. I, in no way, will get married in a Catholic church; at first I did consider it, but I don't really like the, forgive me, snotty attitude most Catholics have towards Episcopalians. I know their canon law even flat out says that Anglican ministers are not real ministers; they just think they are. I don't want to be married in a church that won't allow me to take communion (FYI, Episcopal churches invite everyone to partake in communion, but Catholics refuse to take it because our communion isn't real communion). I'm sorry if this got into a Catholic rant, but I love my church. My fiance's father has served in a few different churches and the current one is also, really ugly. I hate to be superficial too, but I do not want to be married in an ugly church. My church is one of the oldest parishes in the state (and although the building may not be as old as the church itself, it still is simple, beautiful, and full of amazing history). We plan on telling his parents soon, but I'm afraid it may drive a wedge in between us and his family. His older brother married a nice Catholic girl, so this will be the first instance of a non-Catholic wedding. I would love for his dad to be able to participate in our wedding ceremony, but not if it means I have to get married in a Catholic church. My grandfather is buried at our church and knowing he's close by would be comforting to me. 

But, I'm not unreasonable. I want to make sure that Catholics feel welcome at our ceremony, which is why I'd like to skip communion. My parents don't like that. My sister also didn't want communion but gave into parents because my brother-in-law didn't really belong to any church, so he was welcome to take communion at our church. I'm trying very hard to include every and make some compromises, but I feel like I'm being torn apart. My parents have put their foot down about communion, but I can't possibly feel comfortable about it knowing my fiance and his entire family cannot partake. I'm trying to do the right thing, but there's no way I can compromise and make everyone happy. What should I do?

Re: Catholic Groom and Episcopal Bride

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sorry, just saw this, but...

    I think you need to do some putting your own feet down with your parents. They need to accept that just as it's not okay for others to force their religious views on you, it's not okay to force their own religious views on them.

    I would skip a religious marriage altogether. I realize that that won't make your FH happy, but all these parents need to stop putting their feet down. That might mean that you'll need to have a wedding without your parents, and that's sad, but if they put rigid religious beliefs before what their children think or feel, it might be for the best.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    @Jen4948, OP wants to have a religious wedding just not a Catholic wedding. She wants to have it in her Episcopal church.

    OP, I think you and your FI need to get on the same page about where the wedding will be held so that you can present a united front. I understand where you are coming from. My daughter married in a Catholic Mass (she converted). I was very uncomfortable not being able to participate in communion. It is within your rights to marry in your church. I don't think you can expect your FFIL to participate in the ceremony though. As for communion, you said that the Episcopal church allows any believers to take communion so Catholics would be able to take communion they just might decide not to do so. My daughter and SIL take communion at our Lutheran church when they are visiting us. I think it depends on how strict a Catholic person is on whether they will take communion at a non-Catholic church or not. That being said, if you really don't want to have communion at your wedding tell your parents that and stick with it.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @Jen4948, OP wants to have a religious wedding just not a Catholic wedding. She wants to have it in her Episcopal church.

    OP, I think you and your FI need to get on the same page about where the wedding will be held so that you can present a united front. I understand where you are coming from. My daughter married in a Catholic Mass (she converted). I was very uncomfortable not being able to participate in communion. It is within your rights to marry in your church. I don't think you can expect your FFIL to participate in the ceremony though. As for communion, you said that the Episcopal church allows any believers to take communion so Catholics would be able to take communion they just might decide not to do so. My daughter and SIL take communion at our Lutheran church when they are visiting us. I think it depends on how strict a Catholic person is on whether they will take communion at a non-Catholic church or not. That being said, if you really don't want to have communion at your wedding tell your parents that and stick with it.
    I agree that the OP and her FI will need to get on the same page, but I think that a Catholic who wants to have his wedding in his own church is not going to be any more amenable to a wedding outside it than an Episcopalian who wants the same thing -- especially if his FI has characterized his church as "snotty."

    I don't think "the same page" is going to be a wedding in either church.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    Jen4948 said:

    @Jen4948, OP wants to have a religious wedding just not a Catholic wedding. She wants to have it in her Episcopal church.

    OP, I think you and your FI need to get on the same page about where the wedding will be held so that you can present a united front. I understand where you are coming from. My daughter married in a Catholic Mass (she converted). I was very uncomfortable not being able to participate in communion. It is within your rights to marry in your church. I don't think you can expect your FFIL to participate in the ceremony though. As for communion, you said that the Episcopal church allows any believers to take communion so Catholics would be able to take communion they just might decide not to do so. My daughter and SIL take communion at our Lutheran church when they are visiting us. I think it depends on how strict a Catholic person is on whether they will take communion at a non-Catholic church or not. That being said, if you really don't want to have communion at your wedding tell your parents that and stick with it.
    I agree that the OP and her FI will need to get on the same page, but I think that a Catholic who wants to have his wedding in his own church is not going to be any more amenable to a wedding outside it than an Episcopalian who wants the same thing -- especially if his FI has characterized his church as "snotty."

    I don't think "the same page" is going to be a wedding in either church.


    I agree with you about practicing Catholics, but her FI isn't - he considers himself agnostic. It is FI's father who is the Catholic deacon.
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