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Customs and Traditions

Someone wants to throw me a shower, but they're not invited to the wedding...

I'm definitely on the proper etiquette bandwagon that shower guests = wedding guests.

I've had a couple lovely women from a community group offer to throw me a shower. Some of them are invited to the wedding but some aren't (and I'm not particularly close to them).

Do I accept the very kind offer to throw me a shower? Do I now have to quickly mail them a wedding invitation? What do I do?!

Re: Someone wants to throw me a shower, but they're not invited to the wedding...

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would decline the invitation. There's not really a way to send out invitations without seeming like it is B-listing (which, it kind of is, even if you didn't intend for it to be that way). Plus, you aren't close to these people, so it might come off as gift grabby. 

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2017
    I think it depends on the nature and closeness of your relationships with the group members. If you don't socialize with the group members outside group meetings or get-togethers, then I think you could have the shower without inviting them to the wedding. But if you have relationships with the group members beyond group activities, then I would turn down the shower if you don't plan to invite them to the wedding.
  • How many people are in this group? Do they throw showers or other celebrations for other members of the group? If it's something they do for everyone, I'd treat it like a coworker celebration or church group that celebrates everything.

    Do the people who aren't invited know they're not invited? If they know and they're cool with it and throw showers for everyone, you're probably ok to go ahead with it. If some of those women may feel slighted they're not invited to the wedding, it probably would't be a good idea (just in the interest of maintaining those relationships).
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