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Rich Monsters In Law
My fiance's family are bazillionaires. Old money. Super wealthy. Old south type. Got it? Yeah.
They insist on stepping on my family's toes and bring up paying for the wedding every time they bump into each other! My mom and stepdad (more like dad dad) are playing for my wedding - their gift. But fiance's family demand to pay. My poor family (no pun intended, but a little) are so offended and hurt that fiance's family treats them like dirt! Fiance's mom even told my mom that they'd be happy to pay so we can "get what we actually want."
Ouch!
Besides that, fiance has an awful relationship with his parents. They're rude to him and not at all supportive. They talk smack about him to anyone who will listen (his cousins have called me asking if I knew what she was saying!) and it's really disheartening.
How do you deal with rich fiance's family who are just trying to make a show of their money and literally don't even care about us at all?
They insist on stepping on my family's toes and bring up paying for the wedding every time they bump into each other! My mom and stepdad (more like dad dad) are playing for my wedding - their gift. But fiance's family demand to pay. My poor family (no pun intended, but a little) are so offended and hurt that fiance's family treats them like dirt! Fiance's mom even told my mom that they'd be happy to pay so we can "get what we actually want."
Ouch!
Besides that, fiance has an awful relationship with his parents. They're rude to him and not at all supportive. They talk smack about him to anyone who will listen (his cousins have called me asking if I knew what she was saying!) and it's really disheartening.
How do you deal with rich fiance's family who are just trying to make a show of their money and literally don't even care about us at all?
Re: Rich Monsters In Law
Personally, I would decline any financial offers they extend. I imagine it would come with strings.
PPs have the rest covered. Ignore their comments, have your FI communicate with them that "X is covered, thanks, no need to bring it up again," and don't accept any money because then they will be able to direct those aspects of the wedding and possibly try to direct more.
And if a cousin calls you again to report what your FILs are saying about your FI, end the conversation. Nothing good will come of that. That's one of those situations where ignorance is bliss, you know?
In another post, you talk about the drama created at your FI's bachelor party. It sounds to me as if your wedding is imminent. I would guess that most arrangements have been finalized, and payments have been made.
Are these old comments from when planning first began? If so, let them go. Don't start your wedding and married life carrying baggage from the past.
It sounds as if FI has a toxic relationship with his family for some reason. As others have remarked in this post as well as in your other post, let FI handle his family. Hopefully, you won't live close enough to have to deal with them often.
I would do one of these things:
1) Decline their money and tell them you want your parents to host (something about old southern traditions where the bride's family pays - it hurts my feminist soul to even type that, but if they're traditional and southern, they can't argue with it)
2) Tell each set of parents you will only accept $X and the rest you'll pay for yourselves. That way, each side is contributing equally.
3) Decline money from both sides and host the wedding yourselves.
If your FILs really want to pay for something, tell them you're saving up for a house. If they're as old money as you say, they'll probably just buy you one. Just make sure only y'all are on the title and the house is either paid for with cash outright or that the mortgage is something y'all could afford if they decided to punish you and stop making payments.
But if they are this rude and hurtful to you, I would decline their funds. If they pressure you to accept their money, I would let your FI respond, "Thanks, but we have it covered/X is paid for/etc."
I'd also minimize any time you, your family and your FI have to spend with his family. But if you do agree to spend time with them, and they make any snide and/or nasty remarks about you or your family in your presence, he should make clear that he won't tolerate it and follow through by leaving or requiring them to leave if it happens on your turf.