Wedding Party

Wedding party size issue?

i had my 3 girls ready to be asked to be part of our special day. First my maid of honor agreed before she even hear do the question, next my future sister in law was eager and excited. Then I asked my 2nd bridesmaid last night and I could tell I threw her off guard, she said yes and we started wedding talking for hours. Then this morning she called and told me she cannot be part of my day and hopes I understand. That throws off our lineup. Now I only have 2 and he has 3. Plus I don't know how to go about the news she doesn't want to be part of the day. Has his happened to anyone before? 

Re: Wedding party size issue?

  • I'm sorry to hear your friend doesn't want to be in the WP.  I'm sure that is disappointing.  There could be a myriad of reasons she can't be in the WP and probably doesn't have anything to do with her feelings for and relationship with you.

    Totally fine if you have two attendants and your FI has three.  "Uneven" sides are done all the time.  People should be chosen based on their closeness with the bride or groom.

    Out of curiousity, did you choose this friend to be a BM because you all are that close?  Or did you choose her because you felt like you needed a "third" person, like your FI had?  I don't mean that in a snarky way.  But it's something to think about.  The fact that she was "taken aback", ie surprised, makes me think that perhaps this isn't a close enough relationship for her to have been a good/obvious choice for a BM.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Even sides are not a thing. It doesn't matter that you have 2 and he has 3. It wouldn't matter if you had 2 and he had 8. 

    Don't take it personally that she can't be a BM. There's all sorts of reasons that she may need to decline, many of which have nothing to do with you. Maybe she has money concerns, is considering starting a family or making a big move, or just doesn't want to do the dress and attention thing. There could be a thousand other things, and you shouldn't be insulted. She probably felt bad saying no, and had to work up the courage to break it to you. Have a margarita and take a day to be sad about it, and then move on with being excited to get married and plan your wedding. 
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've attended lots of weddings, and only once did I notice uneven WP sides (bride had 9 BM, groom had 2 GM).  No one will notice (nor will it matter) that you have one fewer WP member.  
  • Even if people notice (I always notice the bridal party, they're standing right up front....) I would never think it was strange or wrong to not have even parties.
  • My brother and sister-in-law got married earlier this year. Their WP sides were not even. I can assure you no one was the least bit bothered by it.

    I understand that you're disappointed, and that it's perhaps a little confusing to have talked about your wedding with your friend for hours and then have her back out the next day. Really, though, try not to take it too personally. I'm sure it is not a reflection on your friendship or your wedding - most likely, there is a more practical reason that she has decided not to be a bridesmaid, such as money. Just invite her as a guest and try to let this go. And of course, do not replace her.
  • I get the feeling of need for balance and sadness your friend said no, but they don't have to be even.
    Don't replace.
  • Even sides don't matter. If you're wanting BMs and GMs to process in pairs, you can still do that. Options for the extra groomsman:
    1) Have the best man standing up front with the groom for the start of the ceremony
    2) Have the best man escort a mother or grandmother who is divorced or widowed (if applicable)
    3) Have one of the maids walk with two GMs. 

    Now to deal with you being personally hurt by her dropping out. There are any number of reasons She may have felt excited in the moment and/or didn't want to take away from your excitement. Also, weddings are expensive for BMs. Maybe she thinks she is or will be pregnant and doesn't want to commit. Maybe she thinks she'll be moving. Maybe she knows when(ish) your wedding will be and she knows it's questionable if she'll even be able to go. She probably doesn't want to give an "excuse" because she knows you'll come back at her with a reason it'll be ok. 

    It'll be hard but try not to take it personally, but try not to. It very likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with something going on in her life/with her budget. 

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Even sides don't matter. People decline for reasons that may be completely unrelated to you/the wedding. I almost had to decline my bff's wedding because of my rigorous school schedule. It didn't have anything to do with our friendship. 

  • As PPs have said, even sides aren't a big deal anymore. I kind of like the loo of uneven sides, or the WP not walking down in pairs. There are so many options now! Were you close with this friend? That may have been why she seemed taken aback...she didn't think you two were close enough.

    What does she have going on in her life right now? Often, people say yes kind of as an automatic response and then once they have a chance to think about it, they kind of realize it's not a great idea (not just weddings, but with lots of things). If you are concerned about it affecting your friendship, could you open a conversation saying you respect her telling you now (vs the day of or something!) and hope she will still attend as a guest, as she is important to you & your FI, or something along those lines.

    Related-ish: our friend group has planned a few OOT trips over the years, and there will inevitably be a few people who are all gung-ho about things, but a few days later, once they've really thought about the costs, time, etc realize they can't come. It's nothing personal, and their quick response says they do want to come, but they just realize it's not feasible.
  • Even sides absolutely don't matter. I had 3 bridesmaids, H had 5 groomsmen, and it didn't make a bit of difference. I also had a bridesmaid drop out after initially saying yes (actually I think it was about a month after she said yes and we were to the point of picking out dresses.. glad she didn't order one!). Yes I was sad (and after she didn't even attend the wedding, with a very hurtful reason, mad), but none of this effected my wedding day. All that matters that day is that you are getting married!
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards