This has probably been discussed a bunch of times, but I'm feeling super guilty and just need some people to hear me out. Bear with me.
I am getting married in less than three months. I've only been engaged for a little over a month, and we are doing this on a tight budget... We just can't wait to be married! We are planning a very small wedding out of state, where my family lives. Both our families live out of state-- a plane ride away for us, and about a 9-hour drive apart from each other. Because of this, we decided it is easiest NOT to invite our entire families because we know that one family would be able to make it, while the other mostly would not. I originally wanted to just go get married at the courthouse or elope somewhere romantic in-state, but my fiancé's one request is that his mom be in attendance. So, we are making it happen and only having our parents at the ceremony.
A few weeks ago my sister told me she wants to host a bridal shower for me. A gift card shower, actually, since I live out of state. Especially after reading so much on this forum, I decided to tell her that I just don't feel comfortable having a shower (let alone a gift card shower) since none of the shower guests (besides our mothers) would actually be at the wedding. However, without this shower, I would not be seeing my family at all in the short time that I am in town. My family is quite close and gets together often. It does, in all honesty, seem a little strange to NOT do anything special with them to celebrate my marriage, since we celebrate everything else together. So my sister, my mother, and I together decided that the best alternative to a shower would be a dinner/party at my mom's house with just my siblings and their kids. (If it makes any difference, we will actually be visiting his family a couple days after the wedding.) This wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for her, as she is often the host of big family get-togethers. I like this idea better because they are not calling it a shower, and my male relatives will still be able to come.
I talked to my mother today, and she informed me that she informed the rest of my sisters of the change. (Invites to the shower had never been sent, but my sisters knew about it.) According to her, my other sisters were shocked and frankly, kind of disappointed that I didn't want a shower. Apparently they had even reserved a location to hold the shower already, and had to call to cancel it. However, both she and my sister with whom she had been planning told me it was no big deal and not to worry about it.
Now, I'm feeling really guilty. To be honest, a shower does sound like a lot of fun, especially since it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and since I'm not doing a lot of the other traditional wedding things. I was quite looking forward to it before I realized it was against etiquette to have one with guests who aren't invited to the wedding. But I did not want it to seem like a gift-grab, or a money-grab, and this feeling was stronger than wanting to please my sisters and let them throw me a really fun party.
Did I do the right thing, or did I just turn down something really special? Really, there's no un-doing my decision, but I'm hoping someone will ease the guilt a little.