Wedding Etiquette Forum

Day of coordinator

I have heard many times to get a day of coordinator for your wedding since you will have to deal with so many other things its nice to have someone who is dealing with everything else.

At my friends wedding her fiancé's/husband's aunt did this and she was AMAZING!!(she's the wife of a CEO so she's used to helping coordinate fancy events)  We were talking/relaxing at her house between the ceremony and reception and she begged me to let her come to the church to see me in my dress because she loves seeing brides in their gowns. I told her she can come to the wedding. She's awesome! The life of the party yet keeps the day flowing and organized!

I would like the day of coordinator to be someone I know not just someone we hired for the day. (but I would consider paying her) but everyone I trust enough has another "job" (MOB,MOG,MOH,etc) I want these "important" people to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to coordinate events/vendors/etc.

Do you think I should ask my friends aunt?

I'm going to offer to pay her as a thank you if nothing else but have no idea what amount. I'd also be willing to give her a nice gift instead (I feel like she will turn down money.) so how much should I spend?

Thanks!

 

Re: Day of coordinator

  • I have heard many times to get a day of coordinator for your wedding since you will have to deal with so many other things its nice to have someone who is dealing with everything else.

    At my friends wedding her fiancé's/husband's aunt did this and she was AMAZING!!(she's the wife of a CEO so she's used to helping coordinate fancy events)  We were talking/relaxing at her house between the ceremony and reception and she begged me to let her come to the church to see me in my dress because she loves seeing brides in their gowns. I told her she can come to the wedding. She's awesome! The life of the party yet keeps the day flowing and organized!

    I would like the day of coordinator to be someone I know not just someone we hired for the day. (but I would consider paying her) but everyone I trust enough has another "job" (MOB,MOG,MOH,etc) I want these "important" people to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to coordinate events/vendors/etc.

    Do you think I should ask my friends aunt?

    I'm going to offer to pay her as a thank you if nothing else but have no idea what amount. I'd also be willing to give her a nice gift instead (I feel like she will turn down money.) so how much should I spend?

    Thanks!


    ____

    Stupid box

    To the bolded, what kind of "jobs" do these people have?  Their only responsibility is to show up and enjoy themselves.   

    If you hire this woman, you are doing exactly that ... hiring her as a vendor.  I'm not sure about amount to pay (the cost of our venue included the DOC).  If she is a guest, then she is just that ... a guest. 

  • You have already invited her as a guest, so I would say unless she offers to help with DOC you look for someone else. She may be looking forward to getting to be a guest and then feel like you only invited her for a service. If she does offer, of course offer to pay her what she thinks is fair (or what you think is fair, whichever is reasonable).
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2017
    It seems like she's qualified and capable, but if you're going to hire someone, why not just hire a professional and avoid the potential fall out if something bad happens? If you're going to hire this lady, ask her if she's available and willing, and then ask what she'd charge for her services. Then draw up a contract that spells out exactly what you expect her to do, what you will be paying for her services, and what your remedy will be if she falls through.

    What happens if you asks her to do it, she says yes, and then a month before the wedding she finds out that she needs to be at another event that day? It's not like she's depending on this for her livelihood. 

    ETA: if you don't hire a DOC, you cannot ask wedding guests to perform this service. This is not a "duty" of MOH or MOB or any other friend or family member.
  • The "jobs" of my MOH/MOB/MOG would be basically socialize/relax with family. Help introduce family members. Get/keep the party going. Cry at how they can't believe I'm getting married :) (MOB) (this has been done already when I picked my dress) Help me get dressed. I don't want them worrying about vendors and such. 

    When I saw her on the wedding day I said "I need someone to do this for my wedding day." which prompted the "oh yeah you got engaged since I lost saw you. When the wedding?" (the usual questions) Which is when she said she wanted to see me in my dress...etc. and I brought it up to her then and she seemed happy to but we were also in the early stages of planning. The rest of the night she kept saying how much work it was but "they're done until their daughter" and she only does this for friends and family. She also did a lot more at my friends wedding than I would need. The reception was originally going to be at her house but it was changed due to rain threat and the wedding lunch/break/chill time was also at her house. So it wouldn't be as much work for my wedding. 

    I got the impression she's never been paid for this before and would probably refuse payment which is why I'm thinking a nice gift. 

     

  • Agreed with the above. She had plenty of opportunity to offer, and she didn't. I would hire someone if you really feel you need a DOC. Plus, it's a lot easier to address concerns with a paid vendor vs. someone you kind of know.
  • kaos16kaos16 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    I have heard many times to get a day of coordinator for your wedding since you will have to deal with so many other things its nice to have someone who is dealing with everything else.

    At my friends wedding her fiancé's/husband's aunt did this and she was AMAZING!!(she's the wife of a CEO so she's used to helping coordinate fancy events)  We were talking/relaxing at her house between the ceremony and reception and she begged me to let her come to the church to see me in my dress because she loves seeing brides in their gowns. I told her she can come to the wedding. She's awesome! The life of the party yet keeps the day flowing and organized!

    I would like the day of coordinator to be someone I know not just someone we hired for the day. (but I would consider paying her) but everyone I trust enough has another "job" (MOB,MOG,MOH,etc) I want these "important" people to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to coordinate events/vendors/etc.

    Do you think I should ask my friends aunt?

    I'm going to offer to pay her as a thank you if nothing else but have no idea what amount. I'd also be willing to give her a nice gift instead (I feel like she will turn down money.) so how much should I spend?

    Thanks!

    OP, please tell me you aren't planning to have a gap between your ceremony and reception like your friend did

    Lurkers: if you have enough "downtime" between ceremony and reception to go to someone's house to hang out and relax you have a gap and you're being rude to your guests.  The ceremony should flow right into the reception.

  • justsie said:
    The "jobs" of my MOH/MOB/MOG would be basically socialize/relax with family. Help introduce family members. Get/keep the party going. Cry at how they can't believe I'm getting married :) (MOB) (this has been done already when I picked my dress) Help me get dressed. I don't want them worrying about vendors and such. 

    When I saw her on the wedding day I said "I need someone to do this for my wedding day." which prompted the "oh yeah you got engaged since I lost saw you. When the wedding?" (the usual questions) Which is when she said she wanted to see me in my dress...etc. and I brought it up to her then and she seemed happy to but we were also in the early stages of planning. The rest of the night she kept saying how much work it was but "they're done until their daughter" and she only does this for friends and family. She also did a lot more at my friends wedding than I would need. The reception was originally going to be at her house but it was changed due to rain threat and the wedding lunch/break/chill time was also at her house. So it wouldn't be as much work for my wedding. 

    I got the impression she's never been paid for this before and would probably refuse payment which is why I'm thinking a nice gift. 
    This to me just says "Please don't ask me to do this for your wedding". 
    I read this the SAME way.  I would tread carefully, OP
  • I carefully asked last night and she said "yes of course"!! I offered to pay her but she refused payment. 
    I'd still like to give her a thank you gift but don't know what. She's loves wine (like has 3 wine coolers in her house!) But to me a bottle of wine doesn't seem like enough.

    Any suggestions?   

     

  • I carefully asked last night and she said "yes of course"!! I offered to pay her but she refused payment. 
    I'd still like to give her a thank you gift but don't know what. She's loves wine (like has 3 wine coolers in her house!) But to me a bottle of wine doesn't seem like enough.

    Any suggestions?   

    Since she likes wine, get her a very nice bottle of wine. I'm talking a $75-$100 bottle.
  • I carefully asked last night and she said "yes of course"!! I offered to pay her but she refused payment. 
    I'd still like to give her a thank you gift but don't know what. She's loves wine (like has 3 wine coolers in her house!) But to me a bottle of wine doesn't seem like enough.

    Any suggestions?   

    I would ask around to figure out the current going rate is for DOC and base my amount off that. If I didn't feel like a bottle of nice wine was enough I may add some type of visa GC or something similar too. 
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  • I carefully asked last night and she said "yes of course"!! I offered to pay her but she refused payment. 
    I'd still like to give her a thank you gift but don't know what. She's loves wine (like has 3 wine coolers in her house!) But to me a bottle of wine doesn't seem like enough.

    Any suggestions?   

    Find out what the going rate is for a DOC in your area and get her that amount in a gift card to a swanky wine shop.
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    image
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