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Thank you card writing

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all! 
We're in the process of writing thank you cards, and have a tricky situation. We received a gift from a person who attended the wedding, but also a person who was not invited (his adult daughter) and that I've never met (nor do I think I'll meet anytime soon). I want to be sure to thank her father for attending, but feel weird calling him out and essentially disregarding her (plus, like I said, she wasn't even invited). How would you handle? Or, do I just disregard the daughter altogether and just address the father throughout the whole card? 
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Re: Thank you card writing

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1438820465 said:
    Hi all! 
    We're in the process of writing thank you cards, and have a tricky situation. We received a gift from a person who attended the wedding, but also a person who was not invited (his adult daughter) and that I've never met (nor do I think I'll meet anytime soon). I want to be sure to thank her father for attending, but feel weird calling him out and essentially disregarding her (plus, like I said, she wasn't even invited). How would you handle? Or, do I just disregard the daughter altogether and just address the father throughout the whole card? 
     I'm confused .... did the daughter attend the wedding?  Was it a joint gift from both of them?




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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    it was a joint gift from both of them, but the daughter did not attend and was not invited. Neither of us know her that well.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2017
    "Dear Father and Daughter, thank you for the wonderfully thoughtful gift of the metal rooster.  Hubby and I just love it and think it will look smashing in our yard. . . "

    Just thank them both and move on.  It's irrelevant now whether she was invited or not, and while it was rude of her to crash you will look petty and equally rude if you don't thank her.

    Did you not meet his daughter during your receiving line/table visits?

    ETA: Now that you clarified.  You should still thank them both for their gift.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    People should always be thanked for giving a gift. She didn't attend your wedding, she just sent a gift. That is not an etiquette breach. Anyone can send a gift even if they aren't invited.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2017
    When you receive ANY gift from someone, you write them a nice thank you note.  Period.  This rule applies to ALL gifts, not just wedding gifts.

    It is not necessary to thank someone for attending in your thank you note.  You did this at your reception - I hope!
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2017
    Another option would be to send them both their own thank you card. Unless she lives at home, why are you including them both on the same card?

    ETA: I missed the part where she's an adult. In that case, even if she lives at home, send them separate cards. The only time I include both people on one is if it's a couple.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2017
    When adults go in on a gift together, you send separate thank you notes. So the TY note to the dad will thank him for the gift AND for attendance. The TY note to the adult daughter will thank her for the gift only. 

    You can ask the dad for the daughter's address. But even if she lives with her folks, you'll still send separate cards.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    thank you everyone for the great advice - two separate cards it is!
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