Wedding Etiquette Forum

Friend being deployed. Should I still send invitation?

Hi Ya'll. Hoping to get some advice here. Me & the future hubs sent my friend whose in the military a save the date back in March for our end of September wedding. She's texted me about the wedding previously, and I confirmed her address with her before we had the invitation addresses printed. The invitations are being mailed this weekend (already stuffed and stamped). But I received a text yesterday that she's being deployed at the beginning of October and unfortunately can't make it to the wedding (she's in HI, we're in the MW). I told her I was sad she wasn't able to make it, but completely understood; and asked about her deployment (where's she going, how long, what does she like in her care packages, etc.)

My etiquette question is, should I still send the invitation to her, because she's still invited, although I know she'll have to miss out. Or, should I not send the invitation because she'll feel bad she can't come? Any advice is appreciated! 

Re: Friend being deployed. Should I still send invitation?

  • Etiquette says to still send an invitation. It's a respectful way to let them know you'd still like them to be there and, if anything changes, they are still invited.
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  • Yes. If this is someone you would like to be there, then I would send the invitation, period. This lets them know that their presence is wanted, even if they can't actually attend.

    Is there any way you can have your wedding videotaped or streamed for your friend?
  • Hi Ya'll. Hoping to get some advice here. Me & the future hubs sent my friend whose in the military a save the date back in March for our end of September wedding. She's texted me about the wedding previously, and I confirmed her address with her before we had the invitation addresses printed. The invitations are being mailed this weekend (already stuffed and stamped). But I received a text yesterday that she's being deployed at the beginning of October and unfortunately can't make it to the wedding (she's in HI, we're in the MW). I told her I was sad she wasn't able to make it, but completely understood; and asked about her deployment (where's she going, how long, what does she like in her care packages, etc.)

    My etiquette question is, should I still send the invitation to her, because she's still invited, although I know she'll have to miss out. Or, should I not send the invitation because she'll feel bad she can't come? Any advice is appreciated! 
    Still send it. She'll know you're thinking about her and if her deployment gets changed (which happens frequently depending on the branch and her unit) she'll know she's still invited. 
  • One of DH's groomsmen found out after he agreed to be in the wedding that he would be deployed during our wedding. We sent an invite anyway. You never know, plans can change.
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  • Still send it! If nothing else, it's a nice gesture to your friend that costs you what, a couple dollars? It's not likely their plans will change but you just never know!
  • Send the invite anyway. Plans can change. And even if they don't, sending the invite to your friend shows that you'd want her to be there and that you care about her. Nothing wrong with that.
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  • I would send the invitation and put a little note in it that says "I know you can't come, but we're still thinking of you!" or something of that nature. 
  • It's nice just to receive mail that's not a bill! So yes send it maybe you could put a note in it so say you know they can't make it but you want them to feel included anyway.
  • @KahluaKoala this is what we did for a close friend of mine that is stationed overseas. I know she won't be able to make it back stateside because she gets very little time off and is saving it for around the holidays but I still want her to know that we are thinking of her and would love for her to be there if she could.
  • Thanks, all! I sent the invitation this week to her. 
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