Wedding Woes
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This letter is equal parts sad and frustrating.

Dear Prudence,

I briefly dated a guy who I’m now just friends with. If he was on board with the idea, I’d still be up for exploring our connection. We broke up after a couple of months because I got pregnant and miscarried, and neither of us were prepared for the situation. He then left for an internship without giving me a way to contact him. When he came back two months later, I told him I’d needed his support and wanted to rely on him. He apologized and said that while he couldn’t commit to me, he was interested in being friends. I suspected he just wanted to save face and wasn’t actually interested in my friendship.

Recently I didn’t hear from him for about five months (we live a few hours apart): no emails, no texts, not even when I forwarded him school-related stuff he would be interested in and wished him a happy new year (not the Gregorian one but one specific to his culture). At one point I asked him for advice with a school-related problem, and he asked me to call him. After we had talked, I asked him if I had done anything wrong since I hadn’t heard from him all this time. He said that he had just been busy. Later I wrote him an email to thank him for his time and told him I would add him on Google Hangouts to keep in better touch. He turned the invitation down. I sent another one, and when he turned it down again, I wrote to ask if anything was wrong. It’s been a month, and I haven’t heard from him.

I’m not going to contact him again, but I’m anxious that I did something wrong and didn’t realize it. I worry I pushed the Google Hangout invitation too much, and look like someone who can’t take a hint. I still feel drawn to him, which I beat myself up about. I’m wondering how to move on from this, and how to be less of a basket case when dating new people.

–Clueless

Re: This letter is equal parts sad and frustrating.

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    You aren't friend with him. He is not friends with you. Leave him alone.
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    I think self-awareness on behalf of the LW is huge.  I wonder if she's told her friends any, or all, of this.  

    I think she's putting more on this guy and relationship because of the miscarriage.  I've never had a miscarriage (that I was aware of), so IDK how it would make me feel.  I also don't know how it would make DH feel either.  And I know it's different because we've been together for a long time, but I can imagine going through that physically and then basically being rejected is a mindfuck, even IF the baby wasn't ideal in the first place, nor was the relationship.  She may need to talk to a professional to help her move on.  
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    Poor LW.  I suspect we've all been there at one time or another.  The torturous "if onlys". It's not the LW's fault.  There is nothing she could have said or done to have kept this relationship...either a romantic or a friendship one.  They went through a trauma early in their romantic relationship.  Right before he was going elsewhere anyway.  He moved on back then and I find it a little odd and surprising that she didn't also.

    The miscarriage adds a sad twist.  But they were only together a short time, he lives a few hours away, and they have no ties to each other.

    To use her own words, if an ex told me, "he needed my support and wanted to rely on me."  Even if whatever he needed support for was in some way related to me.  I'd either run for the hills or give very specific, limited boundaries on further communication.  Either way, it would be very clear he needs to find someone else to "rely on".  Because I'm no longer his g/f and that won't be me.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    (and I mean this in the least condescending way)

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    This is just sad. She's likely grieving the loss of the baby and her friendship, but she needs to work on dealing with those feelings without him, because he made it clear he's not interested. 
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