Second Weddings
Knottiecbc500ba26f8f72f
Dayton, OH member
How to tell my 10 yr. old the big news
We are eloping to Jamaica in October, just the two of us. I am afraid my 10 year old daughter will be disappointed that she cannot be there. Any suggestions on a) a fun way to tell her and b)something she can contribute to the ceremony without actually being there? I know she will be happy about the marriage, but I'd like her to feel included.
Re: How to tell my 10 yr. old the big news
As a mother myself, I don't know that this is a situation where you want to tell her in a "fun" way, especially if you think she may feel excluded. I would personally aim for a sensitive way, because it's normal for kids that age to want to be part of things. There isn't anything wrong with eloping, but I would just level with her and then let HER decide if she wants to contribute to the ceremony. Maybe she can help you chose some things related to the wedding. It's hard to say without knowing her
just be sensitive to her feelings and be prepared for her to potentially be upset at not being invited. I think being mindful of her is more important than making the announcement cute or fun.
I don't think there is any "fun" way to tell anyone of any age that they're not invited to anything that doesn't come off as "nya-nya."
And if she's not invited to actually be there, she may not want to "contribute" at all. She also may have feelings of her own about you remarrying which aren't smiley-faced.
I would either invite her to join you or tell her in a straightforward manner in private. Maybe you and your FH can have some kind of private celebration together. But if she isn't in a good mood about your remarriage or leaving her out to begin with, trying to make the message "fun" will be counterproductive.
That said, let's say you've considered that and decided this is the best way to start your stepfamily (or this next bit works even if she does come to the ceremony). Find a day after your wedding, but close to it, and designate it as your "family birthday". It's separate from your wedding day/anniversary, which you can keep to celebrate your couple relationship. On your family birthday, decide something fun and exciting to do together, have a great cake/dessert, get a family birthday present, and take time to celebrate coming together and becoming a family. It's a great way to make her feel important and included, while allowing you your wedding/anniversary to focus on your spouse. Make sure to get her input on what to do for the family birthday!
Oh, and I agree with PPs... There is no appropriate and "fun" way to tell your daughter that she is not welcome on one of the most important days of your life, and at one of the most life-changing events of her life. Tell her privately and compassionately, validate her feelings and be understanding when she is disappointed and upset
But I would not try to give her a consolation prize by telling her in some fun way and then asking her to contribute to something she's not invited to. It's just kind of rubbing it in that she's not invited.
If you want to make her feel included, why don't y'all go out to a special dinner as a family? Or arrange for her to do something fun with Grandma/Grandpa (or whoever is watching her while y'all are gone).