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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie616b760927029949
member
Where to put best man's date?
There are only 2 people out of 6 in our wedding party with dates; my sister in law, and the best man.
My FI and I, along with our wedding party, are having a private cocktail hour in the hotel bridal suite. Obviously this includes the best man's date, as well as my sister in law's husband (aka my brother). They of course will also be having dinner at the head table with us.
We decided we will be doing the bridal party intros into the reception. How should we work the 2 dates? My brother was planning on leaving the private reception a few min early and sitting with my family during the intros, and then joining his wife at the head table once everyone was introduced.
However, I don't want the best man's date to feel weird or awkward. Should both she & my brother sit at the head table by themselves while waiting for the intros to be over? Should she sit at another table with people she knows during the intros, and then join the head table?
i know it's only for a few minutes, but I hate the thought of anyone feeling awkward or uncomfortable for any duration.
My FI and I, along with our wedding party, are having a private cocktail hour in the hotel bridal suite. Obviously this includes the best man's date, as well as my sister in law's husband (aka my brother). They of course will also be having dinner at the head table with us.
We decided we will be doing the bridal party intros into the reception. How should we work the 2 dates? My brother was planning on leaving the private reception a few min early and sitting with my family during the intros, and then joining his wife at the head table once everyone was introduced.
However, I don't want the best man's date to feel weird or awkward. Should both she & my brother sit at the head table by themselves while waiting for the intros to be over? Should she sit at another table with people she knows during the intros, and then join the head table?
i know it's only for a few minutes, but I hate the thought of anyone feeling awkward or uncomfortable for any duration.
Re: Where to put best man's date?
Having them wait somewhere else (while the rest of your guests are seated), and then take their seats after the WP has sat just seems weird to me. Kind like, "NOW you are welcome to sit with us". I also think it will draw more attention having these 2 people walk over the the head table after everyone is already seated rather than sitting there in the first place.
To answer the question I would just have them sit in their seats at the head table before your introductions.
I've never heard of a private cocktail hour. While wedding guests are normally at cocktail hour, the bride/groom and wedding party are typically taking photos. Once the photos are complete, they join the rest of the guests (normally bridal party even finish pictures before bride/groom and will join the party early). Once the bride/groom and finished with pictures, they also join their guests and start the reception.
The cocktail hour is to host your guests while you are taking pictures. Not so that you can have your own, separate, private cocktail hour.
A private cocktail hour sounds hella rude and confusing. In theory you have invited your nearest and dearest to spend a few hours with you to celebrate your wedding. Why would you deliberately shorten that time by removing yourself from the best part of the reception. The cocktail hour is the most fun and least structured part of the evening. If you are not taking pictures during that time you should be in attendance with your guests.
We can always just do the pix at the church and go right to the main cocktail hour; I really don't want to be intentionally rude!
OP to answer your original question, id have your brother and BM's date sitting at the head table. I think they'll be okay for a few minutes. Most guests are watching the entrances, not looking around at other tables.
I would understand having an abbreviated version of this photo taking event. There's nothing wrong with the bridal party having some sips and bites while organizing these rooftop photos. I just personally would not recommend lingering there to socialize in addition to the pictures.
@knottie#s, it's typical in my social circle for the bridal party to have an abbreviated cocktail 'hour' between photos and introductions. But don't keep your guests waiting with a long photo session and a full 'private' cocktail hour. That would be rude.
The dates of the wedding party members could just take their seats at the head table before the introductions. That should go quickly so they won't be seated alone for long.
I'm with this. We didn't figure the BP cared to be introduced and we also didn't figure the guests really cared to have them introduced, so the BP just got to go to cocktail hour and were waiting together with their SOs in the reception space when the two of us were introduced.
ETA: No one missed it. Anyone who really wanted to know who the BP was (and didn't already) struck up a conversation with them.
We were the only ones who didn't do this, and that was just because I hate pictures and needed a break from so many people. We told our venue that the private cocktail hour would be for 2, not 14, and H and I spent most of the time alone in the bridal suite. We treated it as our yichud, which is a Jewish tradition (H is Jewish).
I really suggest not getting to your guests as soon as possible. Let your BP go after a few pictures on the roof, and then spend a few minutes with just you & your FI. It'll give you a few minutes to breath and take in the awesome thing you just did together, and it makes for a really special moment.
Calling it a "private cocktail hour" sounds terribly rude. However, having food and drinks available to the families and bridal party taking pics with you during the cocktail hour sounds like it is just good hosting.
Depending on your personalities, it may be a desirable thing to spend some time alone with your new husband before joining the guests, or you may want to join them as quickly as possible. But please don't "sequester" your bridal party and families during cocktail hour. Chances are that there are lots of guests there that they're love the time to socialize with!
If you're set on doing intros, having the 2 dates already at the tables is fine. You may want to have actual place cards with names at the table, so they know which seat to take. However, unless you are really set on the whole bridal party intros, just skip them.
This is the norm in my area too, now that you've described what you're talking about. At our wedding there was a separate room adjacent to the shark tank that had a table, a vanity area, room to throw our bags, etc. The staff put out some plates of whatever food and drinks from cocktail hour we wanted so we could grab something in between photos. It was the same food as all the guests had, and we were out of there as quickly as possible to mingle.
By calling it a "private cocktail hour" I pictured the 6 of you lounging about on chaises drinking champagne and being fanned and fed grapes while listening to fancy live musicians play for you while all your guests were in another room drinking beer and eating pigs in blankets to the tune of a teenager's ipod.
I'm not a fan of "Bridal party doesn't attend cocktail hour because their cocktail hour is private" but I understand that they're probably taking photos during cocktail hour which is just fine.
Our WP dates sat with them and they were just seated for the intros.
Once we finished with our photos, we went up to the bridal suite with the WP and their dates, where our venue staff had reserved for us platters of the passed apps being served during cocktail hour. We spent about 15mins together eating and having a quick drink before we headed downstairs to signify the end of cocktail hour.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Ditto skipping the intros. They DO make for fun pictures, but I kind of feel like it's just another thing for guests to have to focus on. If you decide to go for it, just have the WP dates at the table when you all come in. And props for including dates at the head table!