Letter from the Dear Sugars podcast:
Dear Sugars,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than two years. At 31, I’ve been in a couple of long-term relationships before. This one is different. I love him to death and he feels the same about me. I knew after a week that I wanted to marry him and we have plans to get engaged soon. A few months ago, I went through a period of questioning. He’d put on some weight and his face looked different and I wasn’t feeling as attracted to him. I know how shallow that sounds, but I’ve always been told that physical attraction is important in a marriage, and I thought: If I’m not feeling attracted to him at 34, how am I going to feel when he’s 54? I did some soul-searching and realized the relationship was important to me. When I made that decision in my heart, my libido followed.
I now find myself questioning our relationship again. His physical changes have gotten more pronounced. It seems like a questionable choice to commit to someone if I’m not sure of my attraction to him. I’ve been told by friends that I have a tendency to sabotage myself, that deep down, I don’t feel like I deserve happiness and subconsciously make choices to ensure I don’t get it. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life, so if my brain was playing tricks on me, it wouldn’t be out of the blue. Could this be self-sabotage? Because being madly in love with someone for more than two years and then backing away because he’s put on a few pounds sure sounds like I’m either a terrible person, or I have some issues.
Scared to Choose Wrong