Inviting themselves, 2 weeks away?

Re: Inviting themselves, 2 weeks away?

• charlotte989875 member

  

  September 2017

  jennabelle-2 said:

  Hi ladies, 
  
  FI's Mom texted me this morning that his Aunt & new hubby contacted family wanting to come to our wedding... that is 17 days away, headcount due in a week.  Supposedly there is a "story" behind why they want to come, etc.  so he's supposed to call his mom to find out. (I'm really curious about this.) FI is at work for a few more hours, and we'll talk about it in depth when he gets home so we are both on the same page. Our guest count is at 45 including us... something we get from having both a Friday wedding and inviting only those we are close to/interact with at least once in a 6-month time frame. Adding two people really won't "break the bank," that's not the issue, but I've never heard FI talk about this Aunt other than "she's a relative I haven't seen or talked to in forever." Which is true, I can't remember a time in the past few years where her name even came up, other than writing a list of family members & friends to work on our guest list. 
  
  Has this happened to anyone else/how would you feel about this? How do you go about politely saying no, if that's what we decide? Thanks! 

  I had a friend ask if her brother could come (not as a plus one, her husband also came) a week before the wedding. We had the room, but it was super annoying. We said yes because we had a huge wedding and what's one more person. That said I really wanted to say no because I thought it as a little ridiculous. 
  
  If you decide to say no (which is totally reasonable and you're right to do) have your FI explain to his mother than the guest list is set and you will not be accommodating anyone that was not invited. 

  Report1 Reply
• short+sassy member

  

  September 2017

  OP, I understand your irritation.  That is pretty presumptuous of your FI's aunt/uncle.  It's great that you're FI is talking to his mom about it first.  Like we often say on here, "Blood speaks to blood."

  Honestly, if it were me and there was room for them, I'd allow them to come.  I'd look at it like "since they're family, they want to come, and there is room...then the more the merrier."  With that said, neither you or FI are under ANY obligation to do that at all.  And saying something like @charlotte989875 mentioned is perfect.

  If this is any food for thought, I also had a small and intimate wedding.  We had 35 guests and I still only had time for brief conversations with some of them.  If there had been a guest(s) there that I had only invited out of obligation, it would have been easy to have had a 1-2 minute short conversation with them, ie thank them for coming, without appearing to be have been ignoring them.  

  

  Report0 Reply
• ahoywedding member

  

  September 2017

  Man, yeah I can understand your frustration. Is there a reason his aunt wasn't invited in the first place (ie. bad blood, etc etc). Unless it's something like that, I would probably invite her, if only to keep the family peace.
  
  If you DO decide to say no, you could blame your caterer for needing the count early, small venue size, etc. "I'm so sorry, we would love to have you come, unfortunately we're at capacity for our venue" or something.

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  September 2017

  Eventually, when too many people are saying "What's one/two more people gonna hurt?" it's gonna hurt. You're not going to have the space or budget to accommodate all these last-minute guests.
  
  If you are okay with inviting them, more power to you, but if not, you need to be direct about it: "Although we'd love to be able to host you, it isn't possible for us to accommodate any additional guests at our wedding."
  

  Report3 Reply
• jennabelle-2 member

  

  September 2017

  His aunt wasn't invited because we only wanted people there who mean the most to us & who we talk to on a semi-regular basis of at least once or twice in a 6 month period.  This aunt hasn't made any attempt to talk to FI since he was around 9 years old & was only ever seen at family reunions. She lives in NC, the wedding is in NY also, so we kept it local, because that's where most of our family is. We're coming back up (we live in SC) just because that's where our roots are.  But...
  
  UPDATE: Apparently she heard about the wedding from another Aunt and wants to come because it will be a free weekend for her & won't have to pay for anything but the transportation to get there, because she can stay with people who already have booked a cabin or tent site for the weekend (the wedding site/reception hall is part of a campground and 4-wheeling park & we're there Thurs-Sunday to try and catch up with everyone). So that happened.  And she is under the impression that her invitation just got lost in the mail. FI's mom is trying to figure out what the heck is going on. 

  Report0 Reply
• CharmedPam member

  

  September 2017

  wait - that's the story?  That they secured travel arrangements? 

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• ahoywedding member

  

  September 2017

  jennabelle-2 said:

  His aunt wasn't invited because we only wanted people there who mean the most to us & who we talk to on a semi-regular basis of at least once or twice in a 6 month period.  This aunt hasn't made any attempt to talk to FI since he was around 9 years old & was only ever seen at family reunions. She lives in NC, the wedding is in NY also, so we kept it local, because that's where most of our family is. We're coming back up (we live in SC) just because that's where our roots are.  But...
  
  UPDATE: Apparently she heard about the wedding from another Aunt and wants to come because it will be a free weekend for her & won't have to pay for anything but the transportation to get there, because she can stay with people who already have booked a cabin or tent site for the weekend (the wedding site/reception hall is part of a campground and 4-wheeling park & we're there Thurs-Sunday to try and catch up with everyone). So that happened.  And she is under the impression that her invitation just got lost in the mail. FI's mom is trying to figure out what the heck is going on. 

  Haha oh my gosh, your update! Everyone is cool with her freeloading off of them for the lodging, etc? This seems like one of those times I would just laugh and roll with it, it seems like his family kind of just knows the type of person she is.

  Report1 Reply
• jennabelle-2 member

  

  September 2017

  That if she can come, apparently the big word to her is FREE.  That's what I got out of the conversation.  I don't know the entirety of it, FI's mom has been trying to get ahold of her directly

  Report0 Reply
• short+sassy member

  

  September 2017

  jennabelle-2 said:

  His aunt wasn't invited because we only wanted people there who mean the most to us & who we talk to on a semi-regular basis of at least once or twice in a 6 month period.  This aunt hasn't made any attempt to talk to FI since he was around 9 years old & was only ever seen at family reunions. She lives in NC, the wedding is in NY also, so we kept it local, because that's where most of our family is. We're coming back up (we live in SC) just because that's where our roots are.  But...
  
  UPDATE: Apparently she heard about the wedding from another Aunt and wants to come because it will be a free weekend for her & won't have to pay for anything but the transportation to get there, because she can stay with people who already have booked a cabin or tent site for the weekend (the wedding site/reception hall is part of a campground and 4-wheeling park & we're there Thurs-Sunday to try and catch up with everyone). So that happened.  And she is under the impression that her invitation just got lost in the mail. FI's mom is trying to figure out what the heck is going on. 

  How dare you all interrupt her plans to attend her family reunion your wedding and freeload on some of her relatives, lol.

  Joking, of course.  But, since it is a bit of a weekend event, she might still decide to come down and hang out the rest of the time, even if she isn't going to the wedding.  That might be awkward, but still not your all's problem if you don't want to extend an invitation. 
  

  

  Report1 Reply
• CMGragain member

  

  September 2017

  Not your family yet - not your problem.  Your FI and his Mom need to work this one out.  Step aside and let them settle it.  Yes, Auntie is being rude and presumptuous.  Some people think good manners are only important for people who are outside of their family.

  

  Report2 Reply
• jennabelle-2 member

  

  September 2017

  Looks like regardless of what we decide or tell her, she and her husband are coming. Sigh. Apparently why no one except her brother has dealt with her for a while. 

  Report0 Reply
• MobKaz member

  

  September 2017

  jennabelle-2 said:

  Looks like regardless of what we decide or tell her, she and her husband are coming. Sigh. Apparently why no one except her brother has dealt with her for a while. 

  Which is exactly why I would shut it down.  She sees your wedding as her dinner and evening entertainment, nothing more.  Sounds like she will still make the trip.  Let's hope she can guilt an actual wedding guest into bringing her a doggie bag. 
  
  I have zero tolerance for manipulators and moochers.
  

  Report1 Reply
• LondonLisa member

  

  September 2017

  jennabelle-2 said:

  Looks like regardless of what we decide or tell her, she and her husband are coming. Sigh. Apparently why no one except her brother has dealt with her for a while. 

  Fi needs to tell his mom to tell her directly 'unfortunately we cannot accommodate you and your husband at the wedding. Everything has been finialised. If you do show up you will have no place to sit or food to eat, and the venue will escort you out. It will be terribly embarrassing for you. Let's discuss another weekend to get together.' Then warn the venue about her and have the manager remove her. Surely the venue doesn't want unpaid guests in the cabins. 
  
  Honestly, I really dislike this type: they push and push until everyone just gives them what they want for fear of being rude. There has never been any consequences. 
  
  

  Report3 Reply
• ahoywedding member

  

  September 2017

  LondonLisa said:

  jennabelle-2 said:

  Looks like regardless of what we decide or tell her, she and her husband are coming. Sigh. Apparently why no one except her brother has dealt with her for a while. 

  Fi needs to tell his mom to tell her directly 'unfortunately we cannot accommodate you and your husband at the wedding. Everything has been finialised. If you do show up you will have no place to sit or food to eat, and the venue will escort you out. It will be terribly embarrassing for you. Let's discuss another weekend to get together.' Then warn the venue about her and have the manager remove her. Surely the venue doesn't want unpaid guests in the cabins. 
  
  Honestly, I really dislike this type: they push and push until everyone just gives them what they want for fear of being rude. There has never been any consequences. 
  
  

  Okay yeah, this seems less funny than I initially thought. If this is habitual behavior, I would have your FI tell his aunt or ask his mom to tell her what @LondonLisa said. She's not just the wacky aunt, that's some BS if it's how she always acts.

  Report0 Reply