::red rage:: Keep your hands to your effing self.

mrsconn23 · September 2017

Dear Prudence,

How do I discourage strangers from touching me? I’m a wheelchair user, and strangers often seem to feel like they have the right to touch me on the head, shoulder, or arm for no reason, without even asking first. But I have chronic pain, and strangers touching me frightens me and also causes me physical pain.

—Stop Touching Me

MissKittyDanger · September 2017

People need to not touch other people.

Also, LW should 100% say something. Make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. Not like LW should have to, but gets the point across. "Why are you touching me?" in loud, deadpan voice would suffice.

southernbelle0915 · September 2017

"I have chronic pain and it hurts when you touch me."

It's really a shame LW even has to deal with this. Most people have good intentions, but ugh - hands off!!

OliveOilsMom · September 2017

WTF? Why can't people keep their hands to their self? Where is LW going that people are touching her so much (s)he needs to write to Prudie about it?

LW needs to get some attitude and be all "Who are you?" with a raised eyebrow. (S)he should also pull away the body part as best she can.

baconsmom · September 2017

Dude. People touch me and I make sure they know not to, even if it's, like, super-rude of me. Because IT'S SUPER RUDE TO TOUCH PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW.

God. What is WRONG with people?

banana468 · September 2017

People do this all the time. It seems like I've seen others who are inclined to touching things outside of their daily life. I experienced this when pregnant and as a new mom with random people who wanted to touch me or my kid.

"Please don't touch me. It hurts," should be sufficient.

mrsconn23 · September 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

It's really a shame LW even has to deal with this. Most people have good intentions, but ugh - hands off!!

Maybe they *think* they have good intentions, but touching a disabled person without permission is abelist and reinforces that you feel (probably unconsciously) that person is 'less than' a whole person. People need to stop and think, "Would I do or say this thing to a person who appears to not be disabled?" If you would not, then you should not.

southernbelle0915 · September 2017

mrsconn23 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

It's really a shame LW even has to deal with this. Most people have good intentions, but ugh - hands off!!

Maybe they *think* they have good intentions, but touching a disabled person without permission is abelist and reinforces that you feel (probably unconsciously) that person is 'less than' a whole person. People need to stop and think, "Would I do or say this thing to a person who appears to not be disabled?" If you would not, then you should not.

I don't agree with this as a blanket statement.

Physical touch/contact can be a cultural thing. It is not clear if this person is from a culture where physical contact is the norm and they are just wanting to step back from that since they're in chronic pain.

Also, some people (even not in more touch-y cultures) are just touch-y with everyone - disabled or not. They put their hand on your shoulder or arm to say hello and how are you. If they're just a touch-y person (with everyone) I don't think it's fair to say they're ableist.

climbingsingle · September 2017

A fly swatter. Just swat back at people that try to touch.

That really is terrible though. I have a large-ish tattoo on the top of my arm, and I can't tell you how many people come up to me and touch it. It's really bizarre. I don't like people touching me, so I usually recoil in a way that makes it very obvious.

mrsconn23 · September 2017

climbingwife said:

That really is terrible though. I have a large-ish tattoo on the top of my arm, and I can't tell you how many people come up to me and touch it. It's really bizarre. I don't like people touching me, so I usually recoil in a way that makes it very obvious.

WTF? There's NO reason to touch a damn tat...It feels like skin after it heals (and you should never touch a healing tattoo because...infection, durr).

Have people not been told 'look with your eyes, not with your hands'?

MissKittyDanger · September 2017

climbingwife said:

A fly swatter. Just swat back at people that try to touch.

An automated one that you can just push a button and smack the person.

climbingsingle · September 2017

mrsconn23 said:

climbingwife said:

That really is terrible though. I have a large-ish tattoo on the top of my arm, and I can't tell you how many people come up to me and touch it. It's really bizarre. I don't like people touching me, so I usually recoil in a way that makes it very obvious.

WTF? There's NO reason to touch a damn tat...It feels like skin after it heals (and you should never touch a healing tattoo because...infection, durr).

Have people not been told 'look with your eyes, not with your hands'?

I know. It's so strange. It just feels like skin! A few weekends ago, I was waiting in line for the bathroom, and a woman literally fondled my shoulder.

ahoywedding · September 2017

I would touch them back, as weirdly as possible.

But for real, yes it is terribly rude and I think LW is totally justified in saying something. "It hurts" should be all the explanation needed.

banana468 · September 2017

ahoywedding said:

I would touch them back, as weirdly as possible.

But for real, yes it is terribly rude and I think LW is totally justified in saying something. "It hurts" should be all the explanation needed.

When a friend of mine was pregnant and dealing with unwanted touching of her belly she said she was going to start moving to butts.

levioosa · September 2017

I have a friend who has quadriplegia, and this happens all the time. We'll be out, and people will just grab at her, or at her wheelchair. It's the weirdest and most rage inducing thing. One time we were at a club, and someone grabbed her wheelchair and tilted it backwards. She almost flipped over onto the ground backwards. We (the group with her) were so angry we almost got into a fight. Because she's a quad, she has very limited mobility, so she can't even really move to protect herself. She also gets a ton of fetish friend requests on FB from people who have a thing for individuals in wheelchairs. People fucking suck sometimes.

Eta: words

short+sassy · September 2017

I could picture inadvertently screaming or a startled, "Ah!", if someone touched me and I was startled by it. Once I realized what happened, I usually wouldn't even be nice about it. With a loud, horrified, appalled voice I'd say, "Why are you touching me? Get away from me!"

It's just too bad it probably usually happens too fast to be able to ward off the offensive touch, before it has even caused her pain.

I read an article written by a black woman who was complaining about how often strangers come up and touch her hair, because it was a large afro style. Obviously not an excuse, but she did have gorgeous hair. Just like this letter, I was so startled by that! I could see it happening once in awhile, because you can always run across the occasional person who isn't thinking. But to happen so frequently is just weird.

As an adult, every once in a great while, I'll have a stranger touch my hair, because it is long, and comment on how pretty it is. It's always been an elderly woman giving off that sweet, grandma vibe. Still a bit weird, but it doesn't bother me and I'll just smile and thank them. It happened a lot when I was a child. Almost always women, but of all ages.

My "touch temptation" are baby hands and feet. I just want to reach over and give a gentle squeeze to those adorable little toes. But I get it. It can be annoying, if not creepy AF, to have a stranger touch your baby. So I obviously restrain myself, like a normal person.

short+sassy · September 2017

levioosa said:

I have a friend who has quadriplegia, and this happens all the time. We'll be out, and people will just grab at her, or at her wheelchair. It's the weirdest and most rage inducing thing. One time we were at a club, and someone grabbed her wheelchair and tilted it backwards. She almost flipped over onto the ground backwards. We (the group with her) were so angry we almost got into a fight. Because she's a quad, she has very limited mobility, so she can't even really move to protect herself. She also gets a ton of fetish friend requests on FB from people who have a thing for individuals in wheelchairs. People fucking suck sometimes.

Eta: words

I would have been tempted to call the police and have that person arrested on assault charges. Considering they came close to potentially causing your friend serious physical harm.

But yeah. Why would anyone do any of those things. People really, really do fucking suck sometimes.

MissKittyDanger · September 2017

short+sassy said:

I could picture inadvertently screaming or a startled, "Ah!", if someone touched me and I was startled by it. Once I realized what happened, I usually wouldn't even be nice about it. With a loud, horrified, appalled voice I'd say, "Why are you touching me? Get away from me!"
It's just too bad it probably usually happens too fast to be able to ward off the offensive touch, before it has even caused her pain.
I read an article written by a black woman who was complaining about how often strangers come up and touch her hair, because it was a large afro style. Obviously not an excuse, but she did have gorgeous hair. Just like this letter, I was so startled by that! I could see it happening once in awhile, because you can always run across the occasional person who isn't thinking. But to happen so frequently is just weird.
As an adult, every once in a great while, I'll have a stranger touch my hair, because it is long, and comment on how pretty it is. It's always been an elderly woman giving off that sweet, grandma vibe. Still a bit weird, but it doesn't bother me and I'll just smile and thank them. It happened a lot when I was a child. Almost always women, but of all ages.
My "touch temptation" are baby hands and feet. I just want to reach over and give a gentle squeeze to those adorable little toes. But I get it. It can be annoying, if not creepy AF, to have a stranger touch your baby. So I obviously restrain myself, like a normal person.

1st bolded - yes!

2nd bolded - same :')

charlotte989875 · September 2017

ahoywedding · September 2017

banana468 said:

ahoywedding said:

I would touch them back, as weirdly as possible.

But for real, yes it is terribly rude and I think LW is totally justified in saying something. "It hurts" should be all the explanation needed.

When a friend of mine was pregnant and dealing with unwanted touching of her belly she said she was going to start moving to butts.

I'm glad someone else had this thought. My pregnant friends were complaining about this and I was like why don't you just rub their belly right back?

short+sassy · September 2017

ahoywedding said:

banana468 said:

ahoywedding said:

I would touch them back, as weirdly as possible.

But for real, yes it is terribly rude and I think LW is totally justified in saying something. "It hurts" should be all the explanation needed.

When a friend of mine was pregnant and dealing with unwanted touching of her belly she said she was going to start moving to butts.

I'm glad someone else had this thought. My pregnant friends were complaining about this and I was like why don't you just rub their belly right back?

It would be even more fun to pretend, whether male or female, that the other person is also pregnant. "Oh! Well, gosh, when you are due?" (big smile, rubbing their belly right back).

banana468 · September 2017

short+sassy said:

I could picture inadvertently screaming or a startled, "Ah!", if someone touched me and I was startled by it. Once I realized what happened, I usually wouldn't even be nice about it. With a loud, horrified, appalled voice I'd say, "Why are you touching me? Get away from me!"
It's just too bad it probably usually happens too fast to be able to ward off the offensive touch, before it has even caused her pain.
I read an article written by a black woman who was complaining about how often strangers come up and touch her hair, because it was a large afro style. Obviously not an excuse, but she did have gorgeous hair. Just like this letter, I was so startled by that! I could see it happening once in awhile, because you can always run across the occasional person who isn't thinking. But to happen so frequently is just weird.
As an adult, every once in a great while, I'll have a stranger touch my hair, because it is long, and comment on how pretty it is. It's always been an elderly woman giving off that sweet, grandma vibe. Still a bit weird, but it doesn't bother me and I'll just smile and thank them. It happened a lot when I was a child. Almost always women, but of all ages.
My "touch temptation" are baby hands and feet. I just want to reach over and give a gentle squeeze to those adorable little toes. But I get it. It can be annoying, if not creepy AF, to have a stranger touch your baby. So I obviously restrain myself, like a normal person.

I had someone do that to DD when she was in the 2mo range. It was either DH's birthday or Valentine's Day but it was February, she wasn't vaccinated and it was cold and the height of flu season. I had to go to the store to get him a birthday card and had to bring her with me. I nearly yelled at the lady "Dafuq are you doing!?"

PrettyGirlLost · September 2017

MissKittyDanger said:

climbingwife said:

A fly swatter. Just swat back at people that try to touch.

An automated one that you can just push a button and smack the person.

The battery operated ones that zap bugs can also zap people. . . and it hurts. Source? My Husband zapped his brother with one a few years back, lol!

I'm wondering the same thing as the rest of you. . . who the hell are these people who just randomly touch other people?! I've been commuting by bus for decades and this has never happened to me- AND I hope it never does!

Like, why do people do it?

MissKittyDanger · September 2017

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

I could picture inadvertently screaming or a startled, "Ah!", if someone touched me and I was startled by it. Once I realized what happened, I usually wouldn't even be nice about it. With a loud, horrified, appalled voice I'd say, "Why are you touching me? Get away from me!"
It's just too bad it probably usually happens too fast to be able to ward off the offensive touch, before it has even caused her pain.
I read an article written by a black woman who was complaining about how often strangers come up and touch her hair, because it was a large afro style. Obviously not an excuse, but she did have gorgeous hair. Just like this letter, I was so startled by that! I could see it happening once in awhile, because you can always run across the occasional person who isn't thinking. But to happen so frequently is just weird.
As an adult, every once in a great while, I'll have a stranger touch my hair, because it is long, and comment on how pretty it is. It's always been an elderly woman giving off that sweet, grandma vibe. Still a bit weird, but it doesn't bother me and I'll just smile and thank them. It happened a lot when I was a child. Almost always women, but of all ages.
My "touch temptation" are baby hands and feet. I just want to reach over and give a gentle squeeze to those adorable little toes. But I get it. It can be annoying, if not creepy AF, to have a stranger touch your baby. So I obviously restrain myself, like a normal person.

I had someone do that to DD when she was in the 2mo range. It was either DH's birthday or Valentine's Day but it was February, she wasn't vaccinated and it was cold and the height of flu season. I had to go to the store to get him a birthday card and had to bring her with me. I nearly yelled at the lady "Dafuq are you doing!?"

Your reaction and the fact I don't personally ask about child's health regularly {"hey is your kid healthy? can I touch them?" awkward} is why I don't. Mostly the reaction and how would I feel if it was my kid ...

Also was this a random person or at least someone you know?

TrixieJess · September 2017

short+sassy said:

I could picture inadvertently screaming or a startled, "Ah!", if someone touched me and I was startled by it. Once I realized what happened, I usually wouldn't even be nice about it. With a loud, horrified, appalled voice I'd say, "Why are you touching me? Get away from me!"
It's just too bad it probably usually happens too fast to be able to ward off the offensive touch, before it has even caused her pain.
I read an article written by a black woman who was complaining about how often strangers come up and touch her hair, because it was a large afro style. Obviously not an excuse, but she did have gorgeous hair. Just like this letter, I was so startled by that! I could see it happening once in awhile, because you can always run across the occasional person who isn't thinking. But to happen so frequently is just weird.
As an adult, every once in a great while, I'll have a stranger touch my hair, because it is long, and comment on how pretty it is. It's always been an elderly woman giving off that sweet, grandma vibe. Still a bit weird, but it doesn't bother me and I'll just smile and thank them. It happened a lot when I was a child. Almost always women, but of all ages.
My "touch temptation" are baby hands and feet. I just want to reach over and give a gentle squeeze to those adorable little toes. But I get it. It can be annoying, if not creepy AF, to have a stranger touch your baby. So I obviously restrain myself, like a normal person.

Someone tried to grab my son's feet when my gf was holding him in a store and she told them off. No one touched my pregnant belly without asking me first when I was pregnant. I have a reputation for breaking wrists when grabbed without permission.

sparklepants41 · September 2017

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

I could picture inadvertently screaming or a startled, "Ah!", if someone touched me and I was startled by it. Once I realized what happened, I usually wouldn't even be nice about it. With a loud, horrified, appalled voice I'd say, "Why are you touching me? Get away from me!"
It's just too bad it probably usually happens too fast to be able to ward off the offensive touch, before it has even caused her pain.
I read an article written by a black woman who was complaining about how often strangers come up and touch her hair, because it was a large afro style. Obviously not an excuse, but she did have gorgeous hair. Just like this letter, I was so startled by that! I could see it happening once in awhile, because you can always run across the occasional person who isn't thinking. But to happen so frequently is just weird.
As an adult, every once in a great while, I'll have a stranger touch my hair, because it is long, and comment on how pretty it is. It's always been an elderly woman giving off that sweet, grandma vibe. Still a bit weird, but it doesn't bother me and I'll just smile and thank them. It happened a lot when I was a child. Almost always women, but of all ages.
My "touch temptation" are baby hands and feet. I just want to reach over and give a gentle squeeze to those adorable little toes. But I get it. It can be annoying, if not creepy AF, to have a stranger touch your baby. So I obviously restrain myself, like a normal person.

I had someone do that to DD when she was in the 2mo range. It was either DH's birthday or Valentine's Day but it was February, she wasn't vaccinated and it was cold and the height of flu season. I had to go to the store to get him a birthday card and had to bring her with me. I nearly yelled at the lady "Dafuq are you doing!?"

When DD was about 1.5 weeks old, H and I were getting home from a walk just as our next door neighbor, whom we don't know all that well, was getting off work. As he was talking to us he touched DD's face. She was still jaundiced and not yet vaccinated, and I had to really resist the urge to smack his hand away.

::red rage:: Keep your hands to your effing self.

Re: ::red rage:: Keep your hands to your effing self.

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