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Wedding Etiquette Forum
fmrsbnk
member
Wedding garter toss?
I hope this is the right board. I was going to post in "accessories" but after reading some of those posts, etiquette seemed like a more appropriate place for my question.
Anyway, in several discussions about the line up during the reception my FMIL has said, "...and then the tossing of the garter belt." Is this still a thing? I haven't seen any other posts about it. Many years ago I witnessed this at a reception. The groom sort of climbed up her dress to retrieve it (how else would he get it lol) It was cute in a risqué way.
Our guest list is not very long. The majority of the men in attendance will be related to me. I'm not comfortable with my FH climbing up my dress in front of my father and grandfather. On the other hand my FMIL is a pretty conservative Catholic, and she seems to expect this. Am I being prude and spoiling the fun? Do people still expect the garter belt to be fished out and tossed? There will be a handful of my FH's single friends in attendance.
Anyway, in several discussions about the line up during the reception my FMIL has said, "...and then the tossing of the garter belt." Is this still a thing? I haven't seen any other posts about it. Many years ago I witnessed this at a reception. The groom sort of climbed up her dress to retrieve it (how else would he get it lol) It was cute in a risqué way.
Our guest list is not very long. The majority of the men in attendance will be related to me. I'm not comfortable with my FH climbing up my dress in front of my father and grandfather. On the other hand my FMIL is a pretty conservative Catholic, and she seems to expect this. Am I being prude and spoiling the fun? Do people still expect the garter belt to be fished out and tossed? There will be a handful of my FH's single friends in attendance.
Re: Wedding garter toss?
I've seen people throw a "toss" garter, like a "toss" bouquet, without doing the upskirt thing, but again, no one will miss it. Personally, I am against both garter toss and bouquet toss because there is always someone (maybe in this case it'll be your MIL, sometimes it's the DJ, who knows) pressuring the poor single people to get up for a display of their singleness at other people's expense. The garter retrieval just adds a layer of weird and unnecessary.
We didn't have it at our wedding, and my brother and SIL didn't have it either (neither of us did the bouquet toss either). I don't think anyone missed it. That said, don't worry about whether your FMIL or anyone else expects it. First of all, it's becoming more and more common for couples to skip it, so it's not as expected as it used to be. And second of all (and more to the point), you are absolutely NOT obligated to participate in a custom that you find creepy or demeaning, whether people expect it or not.
Skip it. The rest of your guests will thank you.
Glad you decided to skip it.
Your FMIL probably meant "tossing of the GARTER", not GARTER BELT! The garter is an outdated item of apparel. It was a tight elastic band around the legs that held up the traditional silk stockings. (Just try finding THOSE for sale today!) Garters were replaced in the twentieth century with the well remembered GIRDLE, which pushed in everything below the waist and had clips to hold up the stockings. Yes, I wore them. Ugh! Today they are called "shape wear" and they no longer have clips for stockings, since those can be impossible to find. Maybe on the internet.
The garter tossing tradition was symbolic at the reception in the 1960s and 1970s. Bridal shops sold cutsie powder blue and lace ones $$ for the purpose. They were uncomfortable and unnecessary. No, I didn't do it in 1976. Too sexist and vulgar for me. This is a tradition that should have ended with Henry VIII, since tight garters may have contributed to his health issues in the sixteenth century.
Tell your FMIL that this just isn't fashionable any more. Your post really gave me a laugh today!
If a garter is thrown, I find it distasteful and nasty-gross. Period. It's throwing a woman't undergarment to a group of men!
Most of the weddings I've been to lately (5 this summer!!) all had it but I've been on the fence about it for mine. To me it's always been toss bouquet and toss garter. And as a 5 year old I loved the bouquet toss...as a single adult I hated it...
What I'm doing instead is giving the "toss bouquet" to the couple married the longest and asking for few words of marriage advice and then taking a photo with them.
Seems much more appropriate IMO.
I'd say skip it. One of my friends skipped it because she forgot the garter at home. No one noticed that it wasn't done.
I didn't toss a bouquet or a garter. I've always disliked the garter toss, for all the reasons mentioned above. I didn't toss a bouquet because I had a small wedding and there just weren't that many single ladies. None of whom I'd thought would be remotely interested in that.
However, coming from New Orleans (thought I got married in CA), I did seriously consider tossing out a few wedding themed beads to anyone who wanted to get in the group and try to catch them. I think that would have been fun if I'd had the space for it, but I really didn't unless we crossed the street to a park. But that seemed like it would have just been more a party interruption. So, for logistics reasons, I canned the idea.
I've also seen brides give the bouquet to their youngest cousin or something, which is also sweet.
Why not just give them your bouquet instead of a toss bouquet? That seems much more meaningful, and traditionally that's what was always thrown.
Also, if you have any recently widowed attendees at your reception, please consider their feelings when making a big deal out of how long someone's been married. My dad died 18 years ago, and I still feel bad when for her when I see this at weddings, because it comes across as people who are married longer are somehow "better"...and she'd still be married if he hadn't died.