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You know the answer or you wouldn't be asking the question

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I’ve very quickly become close with a married friend in a troubled relationship. I’ve been responsible in how I’ve behaved, but I have feelings for him. He hasn’t made a move, and I don’t think he would, but our dynamic feels like if he weren’t married we would absolutely be moving toward being together already. So I’m trying to figure out: What are my obligations? I care deeply about our friendship and don’t want to ruin it or pull away from it.

—Is It an Emotional Affair?

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Re: You know the answer or you wouldn't be asking the question

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Keep the friendship strictly platonic.  If at some point, the marriage of the friend formally ends and you both want to pursue something, the do it.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    But he is married, so thinking about would happen if he wasn't is pointless. You know what you're doing, so if you want to have an affair with a married man, that's on you. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    yeah, Prudie's not going to tell you to go forth in this.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I think we all journey into the "what if" world now and again, though not necessarily in regards to romantic relationships.

    But she needs to get a grip!  Nothing is happening right now nor should it.  Nor will it probably ever.  The "what ifs" will drive her crazy and she needs to shut them down until, maybe, he gets divorced at some point. 

    My "if only" for the day.  If only I'd spent a summer in college backpacking through Europe, I feel like I'd be a famous travel writer by now.  Sure.  Okay.  Maybe.  But unlikely, lol. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I've been on one-side of this, and it's not good regardless. You don't want to be the person to ruin a marriage.

    Walk away. If the marriage ends and they return to you, that's different.
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  • knottie8bf96acb55161163knottie8bf96acb55161163 member
    First Comment
    A lot of married men have flings and stay married regardless of whether he says his relationship ship is troubled. They never leave that wife but always tell the mistress she's a monster and that they are ending. What you are feeling for this man is wrong and it doesn't make sense that you are pursuing someone unavailable. Even if his relationship truly is that bad... it's probably 30% truth.. you shouldn't chase some married guy. If he gets out he's going to rebound and sleep with a lot of people. He most likely won't jump into a monogamous relationship with you. Just my thoughts 
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie8bf96acb55161163 said:
    A lot of married men have flings and stay married regardless of whether he says his relationship ship is troubled. They never leave that wife but always tell the mistress she's a monster and that they are ending. What you are feeling for this man is wrong and it doesn't make sense that you are pursuing someone unavailable. Even if his relationship truly is that bad... it's probably 30% truth.. you shouldn't chase some married guy. If he gets out he's going to rebound and sleep with a lot of people. He most likely won't jump into a monogamous relationship with you. Just my thoughts 
    You have some big hang ups on trust and cheating.  It might be in your best interest to understand why that is.  May I suggest some counseling?
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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    OliveOilsMom said:
    knottie8bf96acb55161163 said:
    A lot of married men have flings and stay married regardless of whether he says his relationship ship is troubled. They never leave that wife but always tell the mistress she's a monster and that they are ending. What you are feeling for this man is wrong and it doesn't make sense that you are pursuing someone unavailable. Even if his relationship truly is that bad... it's probably 30% truth.. you shouldn't chase some married guy. If he gets out he's going to rebound and sleep with a lot of people. He most likely won't jump into a monogamous relationship with you. Just my thoughts 
    You have some big hang ups on trust and cheating.  It might be in your best interest to understand why that is.  May I suggest some counseling?
    Also, may I suggest a wedding website is not the site to continuously discuss how "married men have flings"? Or make sweeping generalizations? 
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