Dear Prudence,
A few years ago, I took a job across the country where my large, wealthy extended family lives. I spoke to these people weekly and spent my summers during college in their guest rooms (at their invitation) so I considered us close. I fell for a housing scam trying to rent remotely and had nowhere to stay. Not one of my grandparents, aunts, uncle, or cousins would let me stay on their couch for even a few nights. I ended up getting arrested after sleeping in my car for a week, and was fired after missing work due to being in jail. My car was impounded, so I had to check into a homeless shelter. During this time, my family kind of ghosted me.
It took me years to recover, but I’m doing great now. When I stopped being homeless my family just appeared back in my life like nothing ever happened. I had always been a conscientious houseguest, and I’ve never had any kind of substance or emotional problems. I’ve asked a few of them why no one helped me and mostly gotten excuses like, “We were so busy planning a wedding at the time,” or “We just didn’t want to get involved.” I don’t really want to fake my way through the holidays this year—or ever again, for that matter—but I really don’t want to have to call each individual to let them know I don’t think they’re much of a family. Would it be fair to ghost them right back?