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Pre-wedding Parties

Mom Throwing Bridal Shower and Inviting Her Friends... Who Aren't Invited to the Wedding

My mom has several times expressed an interested in throwing a party/bridal shower for me and inviting friends because she wants to share her excitement about the wedding with them. Some of these friends I have known since I was young, but they are not invited to the wedding (which is several states away). She mentioned that a lot of her friends had expressed an interest in giving us a wedding gift/celebrating with us even though they wouldn't be able to go to the wedding. 

I didn't really think about this before and I was planning to let my mom just throw the party and host because she was really excited about it. I don't think I'll have a bridal shower if she doesn't because we recently moved and I am states away from any friends/family.  But I was reading some things about only wedding guests being invited to the bridal shower. How hard and fast a rule is this? If they are friends of my mom, does that matter? 

Scratching my head over here... I don't want my mom to be sad about not being able to throw the party she wants to throw or celebrate with her friends but our guest list is already pretty big. I don't *think* any of the people would be able to attend the wedding even if we invited them, but that seems like a pretty crummy reason to invite someone to a wedding, and also feels like we are grubbing for gifts from people we don't know that well (mom's friends, not mine). 

Any advice or thoughts are appreciated!

Re: Mom Throwing Bridal Shower and Inviting Her Friends... Who Aren't Invited to the Wedding

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It's a very firm rule that only people invited to the wedding can be invited to wedding-related events. Think about it: If you're not invited to a wedding, how fair is it to be asked to an event that's related to that wedding and wouldn't be taking place if the wedding were not, especially if you're expected to give a gift for that wedding?

    I would ask your mom not to call her party a "shower" and not to bill it as related to your wedding. There's no reason why she can't throw you a party, but those connections need to not be there if she wants to invite non-wedding guests.
  • It's a hard rule unfortunately.   Your mom can't invite these ladies to a shower.   However she can host a get together in your honor that isn't wedding related.  

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yes, the rule is that anyone who is invited to a shower, must be invited to the wedding. Could your mom host a 'Come Meet Kevin' or 'Celebration of Marriage' party after the wedding? That would be okay, as long as invitations are sent out after the wedding.
  • My MIL insisted on throwing a party for her friends that would be upset they weren’t invited ~eyeroll~. We went along with it but got it changed to a “meet the newlyweds” party instead. There was no thought about gifts but we still received some. 

    Anyone who who attends a pre-wedding party needs an invite to the wedding. 
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