There’s a lot of shit just from 2017 that I could talk about, but I’ll limit this to my work life and mental health.
I was fired earlier this year, and my depression has gotten a lot worse this year as well. The job sucked—it was a full-time office gig, but I had to split my time between multiple locations, and I had to work every weekend despite multiple pleas for a new schedule each time a Monday-Friday position opened up within the company. No one in my life had the same schedule as me, so I couldn’t really be social on my days off, and I was the only staffer scheduled for weekends, so I was basically totally alone on those days too. My Depression got worse largely because of my work life, and my depression affected my ability to do my job.
Six weeks later I finally got a new, better job. The pay is a little better, the commute is easier, and I finally have weekends off, so I can have a life. BUT it’s a temp-to-perm position, and no one has really given me any indication of if/when the perm part will happen. The employee I replaced left kind of in a hurry (but not on bad terms) and definitely didn’t do a thorough job of explaining my duties, so there’s been a lot of catching up. I only trained with her for two days before she left.
Despite that, she was extremely well-liked, and I’ve been feeling like I am... not. On her last day I heard so much about how people were going to miss her outgoing and bubbly personality, and when I’ve reviewed with supervisors, the only negative feedback I received was that they weren’t seeing that in me. But it’s just been so hard to force myself to be that way with how I’ve been feeling. Aside from small talk, most people here don’t really talk to me that much. And now, this week, I keep hearing bits and pieces of information about a party one of my coworkers is throwing and like... clearly the invites already went out. Maybe it’s dumb to be offended but I’ve been here a while. I feel like it’s a cycle—I’m not feeling well enough to be outgoing, so they don’t want to talk to me, so I feel even worse, etc.
I’m so anxious and overwhelmed all the time. I’m worried that I won’t be hired here because they want a clone of the person I replaced. Will I ever stop feeling like this? Am I just a mediocre baby who doesn’t know how to be a person?
Tired of Crying in the Bathroom Like a Weirdo