Is this a Good BM Gift?

Re: Is this a Good BM Gift?

• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2018 edited January 2018

  The handwritten notes and photos sound great, and so does the jewelry if you don't require your bridesmaids to wear it, but skip the monogrammed tanks.
  
  "Getting ready outfits," especially if they're monogrammed, personalized or have "wedding" messages, tend to be unappreciated by their recipients and are definitely unpopular in this forum. And many people do not want to be photographed while "getting ready."
  
  Also, gifts should ideally be tailored to each individual's personal interests and tastes. My SIL gave an engraved candle holder with a "personalized" message on it to each of her bridesmaids, including me, and I have never found a use for it. It sits in a cabinet collecting dust. I live in an apartment complex that prohibits lighting candles.
  
  Don't worry about being "consistent" beyond the monetary value of the gifts. Comparisons are not important as long as the gifts are of relatively equal financial value. Ideally, present them to your bridesmaids individually and not as a group, and that should cut down further on comparisons.

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• missJeanLouise member

  

  January 2018

  SoonToBeSmith0512 said:

  Hi ladies,
  
  I'm getting married in a few months and starting to think of BM gift ideas. I’m planning on gifting each girl jewelry for the wedding and a monogrammed tank for getting ready in, though I am NOT considering these their gifts. 
  
  I’ve been thinking that for an actual thank you gift that I would give each girl a framed picture of the two of us along with a handwritten note. Was thinking about doing a cute Kate Spade frame or something nice that the girls could use for a long time if they wanted to swap out the pic for one of their families, etc. 
  
  What do you guys think of that? I want to give them something nice and sentimental but still like the idea of the gift being consistent across the group so there is no room for comparison (I have a couple sisters who would likely to that). Any other ideas along those same lines other than a framed pic?
  
  Thanks for any input!

  I think a nice frame and note is lovely but general advice is to shop for them as if it is their birthday. So if every lady would appreciate a frame for her birthday then you are good. Maybe you could add something a little personal for each woman? A candle, candy, or movie ticket/ gift card, etc would be an inexpensive but nice way to personalize it.

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• ernursej member

  

  January 2018

  I agree with PPs suggestions. I especially agree with @Jen4948 in giving them their gift privately to decrease any rude responses about equality. 
  
  I’m not a frame person so that gift would be wasted on me but you know your friends better. I honestly loved that I once received a gift card to Chapters as my friend knew I loved to read. You are on point with a handwritten note. I’ve photographed the notes I received to ensure that I always have the messages to view on my hard drive. 

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• SoonToBeSmith0512 member

  

  January 2018

  Thanks for the suggestions ladies! I hadn’t thought about gifting individually, I may try to figure out how to make that work! Any suggestions for how to get each alone? Lol, large group of women with many coming from out of town just for the couple of days. I also like the idea of adding a favorite candy or tea to the gift to further personalize!
  
  Totally understand that many do not like matching outfits or photos getting ready, but this particular group of women loves all things matching and monogrammed, and this has actually been somewhat of a tradition for weddings in my circle. Of course I’d never mandate that they wear that or the particular jewelry I’ve picked if they’re uncomfortable!

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• MobKaz member

  

  January 2018

  SoonToBeSmith0512 said:

  Thanks for the suggestions ladies! I hadn’t thought about gifting individually, I may try to figure out how to make that work! Any suggestions for how to get each alone? Lol, large group of women with many coming from out of town just for the couple of days. I also like the idea of adding a favorite candy or tea to the gift to further personalize!
  
  Totally understand that many do not like matching outfits or photos getting ready, but this particular group of women loves all things matching and monogrammed, and this has actually been somewhat of a tradition for weddings in my circle. Of course I’d never mandate that they wear that or the particular jewelry I’ve picked if they’re uncomfortable!

  I find it a little absurd that gifts should be presented individually.  When I think of significant occasions, such as holidays, birthdays, or even showers, recipients and gift givers more often than not make their exchanges in a group setting.  

  
  

  I have frequently seen gifts to the wedding party presented at the rehearsal dinner. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2018

  MobKaz said:

  SoonToBeSmith0512 said:

  Thanks for the suggestions ladies! I hadn’t thought about gifting individually, I may try to figure out how to make that work! Any suggestions for how to get each alone? Lol, large group of women with many coming from out of town just for the couple of days. I also like the idea of adding a favorite candy or tea to the gift to further personalize!
  
  Totally understand that many do not like matching outfits or photos getting ready, but this particular group of women loves all things matching and monogrammed, and this has actually been somewhat of a tradition for weddings in my circle. Of course I’d never mandate that they wear that or the particular jewelry I’ve picked if they’re uncomfortable!

  I find it a little absurd that gifts should be presented individually.  When I think of significant occasions, such as holidays, birthdays, or even showers, recipients and gift givers more often than not make their exchanges in a group setting.  

  
  

  I have frequently seen gifts to the wedding party presented at the rehearsal dinner. 

  It actually makes sense to present gifts individually when there's no rehearsal dinner or other occasions before the wedding when the entire wedding party is together, or if the members of the wedding party tend to be competitive with each other.
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  January 2018

  Jen4948 said:

  MobKaz said:

  SoonToBeSmith0512 said:

  Thanks for the suggestions ladies! I hadn’t thought about gifting individually, I may try to figure out how to make that work! Any suggestions for how to get each alone? Lol, large group of women with many coming from out of town just for the couple of days. I also like the idea of adding a favorite candy or tea to the gift to further personalize!
  
  Totally understand that many do not like matching outfits or photos getting ready, but this particular group of women loves all things matching and monogrammed, and this has actually been somewhat of a tradition for weddings in my circle. Of course I’d never mandate that they wear that or the particular jewelry I’ve picked if they’re uncomfortable!

  I find it a little absurd that gifts should be presented individually.  When I think of significant occasions, such as holidays, birthdays, or even showers, recipients and gift givers more often than not make their exchanges in a group setting.  

  
  

  I have frequently seen gifts to the wedding party presented at the rehearsal dinner. 

  It actually makes sense to present gifts individually when there's no rehearsal dinner or other occasions before the wedding when the entire wedding party is together, or if the members of the wedding party tend to be competitive with each other.
  

  Obviously.  OP did not mention whether or not any of those scenario's would be in her plans.  She did mention that the opposite....finding time to see them individually, would be the difficult issue.
  
  Personally, I would hope at this age, being competitive about gifts is long gone.  However, if someone is that shallow and petty that they cannot open a gift among a group, then I don't think opening individually would solve the issue.  Someone that immature would find a way to intrude and go on a "discovery mission". 
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2018 edited January 2018

  Honestly, regardless of their individual maturity levels, I don't see any reason why giving wedding party members their gifts has to be part of any "wedding occasion" on a group basis. What difference does it make if the bride feels like doing it on an individual basis, or if one or more of them don't feel like receiving their gifts collectively? I don't think it makes someone "immature" to prefer to give or receive a gift in private. 
  
  It sounds to me like you're looking for an excuse to put someone down whom you don't even know.

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• MobKaz member

  

  January 2018

  Jen4948 said:

  Honestly, regardless of their individual maturity levels, I don't see any reason why giving wedding party members their gifts has to be part of any "wedding occasion" on a group basis. What difference does it make if the bride feels like doing it on an individual basis, or if one or more of them don't feel like receiving their gifts collectively? I don't think it makes someone "immature" to prefer to give or receive a gift in private. 
  
  It sounds to me like you're looking for an excuse to put someone down whom you don't even know.

    You did not quote, @Jen4948, but since it immediately followed my post, I have to wonder if this is addressed to me?
  
  What?
  
  Who am I putting down?
  
  Based on OP's comment, "I hadn’t thought about gifting individually, I may try to figure out how to make that work! Any suggestions for how to get each alone?", I was advocating for NOT needing to present gifts individually. 
  
  I never said the gift giving HAD to be a part of the wedding occasion.  However, it does certainly simplify things. 
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2018

  MobKaz said:

  Jen4948 said:

  Honestly, regardless of their individual maturity levels, I don't see any reason why giving wedding party members their gifts has to be part of any "wedding occasion" on a group basis. What difference does it make if the bride feels like doing it on an individual basis, or if one or more of them don't feel like receiving their gifts collectively? I don't think it makes someone "immature" to prefer to give or receive a gift in private. 
  
  It sounds to me like you're looking for an excuse to put someone down whom you don't even know.

    You did not quote, @Jen4948, but since it immediately followed my post, I have to wonder if this is addressed to me?
  
  What?
  
  Who am I putting down?
  
  Based on OP's comment, "I hadn’t thought about gifting individually, I may try to figure out how to make that work! Any suggestions for how to get each alone?", I was advocating for NOT needing to present gifts individually. 
  
  I never said the gift giving HAD to be a part of the wedding occasion.  However, it does certainly simplify things. 
  
  

  You used words like "absurd." I was the one who made the suggestion that gifts be presented individually, so it did come off like a slam.
  
  You also used words like "immature," which comes off like a slam of the bridesmaids, whose views weren't presented here.
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  January 2018 edited January 2018

  WTH? MobKaz  said that it's unlikely the bm would be so immature as to be competitive about their gifts. She wasn't slamming anyone.
  
  

  Jen4948 said 
  
  

  You used words like "absurd." I was the one who made the suggestion that gifts be presented individually, so it did come off like a slam.
  
  You also used words like "immature," which comes off like a slam of the bridesmaids, whose views weren't presented here.
  

  
  
  

                     

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• ahoywedding member

  

  January 2018 edited January 2018

  About your gifts... I would shop for them like it's your their birthday. I did spend about the same amount for each of my BMs, but their gifts were SO different it would have been hard to make any type of comparison. Personally, it would depend on the frame if I'd use it or display it. We also wrote the WP (and our parents) individual notes in addition to their gifts. 
  
  We gave everyone their gifts at the RD, before any guests got there. If you're not having a rehearsal, is there another time you'd all be together or when you'd see each woman individually? (however you choose to do things is probably fine). 
  
  Edit: words, you don't buy friends gifts for your own birthday!

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