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Wedding Etiquette Forum
shoogaroo
member
Gifts
I am the bride and am wondering who all I need to get a gift for besides:
Mother and Father of bride
Mother of Groom
Father of Groom
Mother of Groom boyfriend--he is buying our alcohol--
I already got my bridesmaids gifts when I asked them to be bridesmaids and am paying tip and for a second hair dresser and makeup artist so they don't have to get up so early---Do I need to get them more gifts?
Do I have to get the Maid and two Matrons special gifts?
I bought the flower girl attire and Ring barer attire--do I need to also get them gifts?
Groomsmen we are paying some towards their accommodations and bought them gifts to ask them to be groomsmen --Do I have to buy them gifts?
Just curious----Why do we have to buy so many gifts --sometimes two for the same people? If they aren't helping with planning or anything, but just showing up day of--do we still have to buy?
I feel like there are so many rules that aren't always followed and depend on formality, culture, the people themselves, etc
Mother and Father of bride
Mother of Groom
Father of Groom
Mother of Groom boyfriend--he is buying our alcohol--
I already got my bridesmaids gifts when I asked them to be bridesmaids and am paying tip and for a second hair dresser and makeup artist so they don't have to get up so early---Do I need to get them more gifts?
Do I have to get the Maid and two Matrons special gifts?
I bought the flower girl attire and Ring barer attire--do I need to also get them gifts?
Groomsmen we are paying some towards their accommodations and bought them gifts to ask them to be groomsmen --Do I have to buy them gifts?
Just curious----Why do we have to buy so many gifts --sometimes two for the same people? If they aren't helping with planning or anything, but just showing up day of--do we still have to buy?
I feel like there are so many rules that aren't always followed and depend on formality, culture, the people themselves, etc
Re: Gifts
1 - Are your BMs also paying for their makeup? Am I reading it correctly that you're paying and tipping? That's nice but really, that's all for your wedding so it's not a gift to them.
2 - If you gave them a gift when you asked them to be in the WP I think that's great but I'd still give them something. It can be a bottle of wine - a frame of the two of you. Think of things that they would like that have nothing to do with your wedding.
Maid and Matron:
Yes, I'd still buy them gifts. Am I correct in interpreting that the Maid and Matron have children who are your attendants? It was very nice that you bought the attire of the children who are attendants but again, that's not really a gift. It's an expense that you alleviated. If you have a maid and matron of honor standing up in your wedding then I would get them something.
Groomsmen:
-Paying towards their hospitality is very nice but it's a wedding related expense. Giving them gifts when you asked them to be in the wedding was really nice but again, I think your FI should get them at least something.
Giving a gift to your attendants is a way to say thank you to these people for being in your lives. It's a way to show that you appreciate who these people are in your life on such a big occasion.
Also, think about the time and expense and sacrifice that many BM and GM do when in a wedding. I've used my vacation days, spent my hard earned money on a hotel and additional travel expenses, given up my weekends and spent money on multiple gifts when DH or I have been in a wedding.
Agreed. Anything you paid for our bought someone that is directly related to your wedding (attire, hair/makeup, accommodations, etc.) isn't a "thank you gift" for participating in your wedding.
The gifts given to the bridal party and the immediate family participating in the wedding are to thank them for being there for you--for supporting your relationship, for making your day what you dreamed of (it doesn't matter if they didn't lift a finger, they showed up at the time you requested in offered emotional support), and also to thank them for wearing what you asked, getting their hair done, etc. for all of the things they would not have done if they were just guests at a wedding. Most people typically take the "thank you" a little further, and essentially take it as an opportunity to thank these most important people in your entire life for being there for you and helping you be the person you are today.
The gifts don't have to cost a lot of money. A heart-felt note written in a card and a token of affection can be better than something expensive (wine is good if you know they like wine, etc.).
What kind of gifts did you get them when you asked them to be in the bridal party?
I got the groomsmen special bottle openers made from bullets.
I already bought my parents and his mom a gift for the day of . (lost of what to get father of groom-- is alcohol inappropriate?)
We put money towards accomodations for everyone in bridal party to limit any financial burden so all they have to pay for is their dress/shoes and if they want to get their makeup done. They did not want to wake up early so I paid for a second person to arrive so that they could wake up at 10:00 am. I thought that was a nice little gift or notion--though my MIL thinks that they should all have to pay for that.
I was still planning on getting them something--but not as big as a gift as before . Just something small to say thank you -- I just don't want to spend another 500 dollars on this . I was hoping socks for the groomsmen or a pocket watch or a baseball bat (engraved) and little stuff for the bridesmaids they like.
The Parents I was going to spend around 80 a person.
TBH, no wedding I have ever been to has done gifts. I am planning by myself and I feel like there are so many rules and different situations.
You should still give your BMs and GMs gifts for standing next to you on your wedding day. Gifts you purchased to ask them to stand up for you don't count toward this. Things you're doing for them related to the wedding (hiring a second hair dresser or MUA, jewelry they're supposed to wear the day of, covering hotel, etc.) do not count as a gift.
2) FG and RB
Yes, you should get them gifts. These do not have to be large or fancy. Just small tokens the kids would appreciate.
The general rule is - if you and your wedding directly benefit from what you just bought then it's not a gift. That's things like attire, makeup, hair stylists, hotel the night of the wedding, attire, socks to wear with GM attire, etc. Also, it doesn't need to be wedding themed.
I think what you did for your WP sounds really nice. I just think you need to do a little something. That little something could be a picture frame with a photo of you and your attendant, a thank you note, and a $15 bottle of wine. You can do all that for under $25.
Also, while your wedding party members may feel differently about receiving robes and bath bombs as gifts, these are things I would not want to receive - especially if they were "personalized."
I hear you - a gift should take the recipients likes and interests in mind. But just because you received something that may not be your cup of tea does not mean it's not a gift.
Case in point: my mom gave me a house coat for Christmas. I think it's designed to keep DH away from me when there's even a sliver of a chance I'm fertile but it was still a thoughtful gift from my mom even if I don't know when I'll use it.
I think @banana468 had a great idea. Thank you! I think I might get them each something small which they would like.
You still have to get your attendants something for taking time out of their lives to stand up in your wedding. It should be something personal, not for the wedding.
Also, you don't buy the groomsmen gifts, that's for your FI to do, they're his friends.
For me, I gave gifts as a thank-you to my mom, stepfather, and grandmother. My grandmother gave me money for my wedding dress. My mom/stepfather paid for and had the wedding and reception at their home.
I got my mom and my grandmother personalized hankerchefs and picture frames. I brought my stepfather food and seasoning things that he's liked when they've visited me, but can't get in CA. Like alligator sausage, he loves that.