Wedding Party

XP Bridal Shower with No Registry?

Hi everyone.  I am the maid of honor in an upcoming wedding.  The bride has chosen not to register, as she and her fiance are already living together and have everything they need for their home.  They've made it clear that the only thing they would like is money toward the honeymoon.  I'm not 100% sure, but I think they may have set up a honeymoon registry.

The problem is, the other bridesmaids still want to throw her a bridal shower and I'm sure the bride is expecting one.  Honestly, I would love to throw her a bridal shower, but I'm not sure how that works if you're not registered anywhere.  I mean, the thought of inviting people to a bridal shower and just requesting cash seems so rude and seems like such a breach of etiquette to me.  Also, I thought the whole point of a bridal shower was to watch the bride open up gifts.  If people are giving to a honeymoon fund, there would be no gifts to open.

The other bridesmaids seem to see no problem with sending invitations out requesting cash gifts and/or donations to the honeymoon fund.  I just can't get behind it.  But at the same time, I don't want to cause a problem and I don't want the bride to not get a shower.  I don't know the other bridesmaids well at all and I don't want to make anyone mad or upset.

I've been trying to think of ways around this.  I've tried hinting to the bride that maybe she wants to create a small registry just of things she'll need for the wedding.  She could register for picture frames and albums for wedding pictures, a cake topper, toasting glasses, cake serving set, guest book or signature frame, aisle runner, etc.  That way guests who want to give a physical gift can do so.  I'm also thinking that if her registry is really small people will probably take the hint that she mainly wants cash, do you think so? 

However, I don't know if the bride will go for this idea.  She seems adamant about no registry.  So if she forgoes the registry, what are my options?  It seems they're going ahead with the shower with or without me and I really don't want to let the bride down.  Is there any less rude way of doing this?  Maybe we can send invitations out with no registry info, no mention of cash or gifts at all, and then if people ask we can tell them, "Oh, Bride has not actually registered, but she is saving up for a honeymoon!"  Something along those lines maybe?  Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated!  I really want to make everyone happy without being rude to the guests!
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Re: XP Bridal Shower with No Registry?

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It is certainly possible and not against etiquette to throw a shower when there is no registry. However, they shouldn't ask for cash for either the shower or the wedding. The bride should be aware that she'll get physical gifts whether she wants them or not. If she doesn't, she should decline a shower. For the wedding, I think it's fine to give he "saving for a honeymoon" line. For a shower, which is specifically for physical gifts, I'd find it rude. I'd say, "She's not registered. I'm sure any gift you'd like to give would be appreciated."

    I threw a shower when I was MOH. It was a little awkward for me, but I don't think there are hard feelings. I offered to throw the shower within days of her asking me to be the MOH and told them to let me know where they were registering. A couple months later when it actually came time to throw the shower, I asked her where they were registering to put on the shower invitation, and she said they decided it would be easier to just ask for gift cards. I didn't know what to say, and ended up putting a "stock the kitchen" note on the invitation and threw a kitchen-themed shower. Probably not the best way to handle it, but I didn't know what to do and didn't want to take back my shower offer. 

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2018
    Showers are for boxed gifts only. Make that clear to the bride. If she doesn’t want more ‘things’ don’t throw her a shower. 

    Host a non-gift giving event that is similar such as bridal tea or brunch. 

    The only time time it is socially appropriate to shower someone with cash is at a strip club. Never, ever, ever throw a bridal shower for cash or honeymoon vouchers. 
  • You could try throwing a theme shower like wine or tea and then the majority will be consumable things. It is tacky to have a shower for cash gifts. 
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