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Invitation/Wedding Shower Etiquette

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi everyone! Hoping for some solid advice here.

I am having a DW in Ireland this summer. Our guest list is floating around 120 people currently but will surely fluctuate. We would like to invite my coworkers who I am very close with. The issue is that I work for the federal government and they only allow a set number of people off on vacation at a time. I of course would like to invite a majority of my coworkers as I have been there for years and see many of them outside of work for dinners, bowling, nights out, etc. One of my coworkers is in the wedding party so with that, there are two people (myself included) already on vacation for my wedding. How do I handle this? Do I send all coworkers an invitation and whoever can get the time off/find someone from another office to cover them are welcome? Do I invite them all to the wedding shower?
 I've already made it clear to the MOH that we will not be registering anywhere and we'd just like a fun, laughter-filled shower with our friends and family. She would like to invite everyone to the shower, even if they are unable to make it to the wedding.

 We're from a very small town so the rules and etiquette of a DW are pretty foreign to me. I look forward to your replies!
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Re: Invitation/Wedding Shower Etiquette

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Thank you!! 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    short+sassy said:

    Concur with @ILoveBeachMusic's advice.  The "rule" is to send invites to whomever you would like to invite to your wedding.  Do not take into consideration if you think they could/couldn't make it.  That is for them to figure out/decide, even if they are your coworkers.

    Only people invited to the wedding can be invited to a shower or wedding luncheon.  In a way, I see this as a win-win to invite anyone you would like to attend your wedding.  Because then you can also invite them to any wedding related events.  In that respect, a person can know that they are probably going to decline the wedding invite...either because they don't want to go to a DW in Ireland or can't get the time off...but can still accept the shower invite.

    For example, I personally would be really unlikely to attend a DW in Ireland unless it was my BFF or a close family member.  But would definitely accept a local shower invite from a good friend/coworker. 

    Completely agree, except I’d much rather go to a coworker’s destination wedding in Ireland than a local shower!
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited January 2018
    Have you researched the legal requirements to get married in Ireland?  They are not easy ones, but it is possible.  Be sure you have your arrangements made before you send out any invitations.  Ireland has a THREE MONTH WAITING PERIOD!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    Are you or your Fi an EU/ Irish citizen? There are residency requirements for getting married in Ireland. 
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
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    Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:

     I've already made it clear to the MOH that we will not be registering anywhere and we'd just like a fun, laughter-filled shower with our friends and family. She would like to invite everyone to the shower, even if they are unable to make it to the wedding.
    Others have already covered the invite question. But I need to point out that a shower is specifically an event for people to bring physical gifts (also called "boxed gifts" to the bride (or bride and groom). If you don't want boxed gifts, you don't have a shower. Period. It is perfectly acceptable to have a "bridal luncheon" or anything of the sort if you want a pre-wedding event but don't want gifts, but if you call it a "shower" you need to expect boxed gifts, and your should probably register to make it easier on everyone (including yourselves!).
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Notification Requirements ✈ Applies to all Legal Weddings in Ireland

    Couples must notify the Registry Office of their intent to marry and this applies to all ceremonies, be they civil, religious or spiritual. Both parties to the marriage need to be over the age of 18 to be legally married in Ireland. Foreign National couples must give at a minimum 3 months notice in writing of their intent to marry, whether they are having a civil, religious or spiritual ceremony. They are welcome to contact one of the Civil Registration Service Offices by phone to initiate the process as meeting in person 3 months before the wedding might not be feasible. It is highly advised that more time is given to this process.

    The Registrar will usually grant foreign nationals permission to give notice of their intention to marry by post but couples will need to have made contact with the priest / parish or the registered solemniser in the case of a civil or spiritualist ceremony and organised their wedding ceremony date in order to complete their notification of intent to marry.

    Official Documentation such as birth and divorce decrees need to bear an Apostille Stamp or equivalent and official translations if not published in English and are as follows;

    1 ✈ Valid Passport or national ID card that is accepted as a travel document.
    2 ✈ Birth Certificates for both parties of the marriage
    3 ✈ Original final divorce decree, decree of nullity accompanied by a court letter stating that no appeal has been lodged, civil partnership dissolutions or spouse’s death certificate accompanied by the previous marriage certificate if appropriate
    4 ✈ Information on whether it will be a civil, secular or religious ceremony
    5 ✈ The intended date and location of the marriage
    6 ✈ Details of the proposed solemniser of the marriage
    7 ✈ The names and dates of birth of the two proposed witnesses
    8 ✈ Appropriate Fee

    If, for some reason you are in a position to make the notification in person, then you can make your declaration of no impediment on the same day. If not, you will need to arrange to meet with the Registrar at least 5 days before the wedding in order to do so.The Registrar will issue an acknowlegement to both of you and the proposed solemniser of the marriage confirming the date of receipt of notification.If all the information required has been supplied and everything is in order, ie there is no impediment to the marriage, the Registrar will issue you with a Marriage Registration Form (MRF)

    The MRF is a document that is basically the civil authorization for the marriage to proceed. All couples must obtain the MRF in order to be legally married, regardless of the nature of their wedding ceremony. The MRF must be presented to the solemniser in advance of the wedding ceremony so that they too can check that the details are correct. The solemniser must ensure that this form is signed after the ceremony (signing of the register) by him/herself, the couple and their two witnesses


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited January 2018
    LondonLisa said:
    Are you or your Fi an EU/ Irish citizen? There are residency requirements for getting married in Ireland. 
    15 days residency before you can get a marriage license.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I have done my research on the requirements and discussed it with the appropriate parties in the multiple trips we have made there in the last few months. Only looking for advice on etiquette.
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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:
    Hi everyone! Hoping for some solid advice here.

    I am having a DW in Ireland this summer. Our guest list is floating around 120 people currently but will surely fluctuate. We would like to invite my coworkers who I am very close with. The issue is that I work for the federal government and they only allow a set number of people off on vacation at a time. I of course would like to invite a majority of my coworkers as I have been there for years and see many of them outside of work for dinners, bowling, nights out, etc. One of my coworkers is in the wedding party so with that, there are two people (myself included) already on vacation for my wedding. How do I handle this? Do I send all coworkers an invitation and whoever can get the time off/find someone from another office to cover them are welcome? Do I invite them all to the wedding shower?
     I've already made it clear to the MOH that we will not be registering anywhere and we'd just like a fun, laughter-filled shower with our friends and family. She would like to invite everyone to the shower, even if they are unable to make it to the wedding.

     We're from a very small town so the rules and etiquette of a DW are pretty foreign to me. I look forward to your replies!
    Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:
    I have done my research on the requirements and discussed it with the appropriate parties in the multiple trips we have made there in the last few months. Only looking for advice on etiquette.
    That is good that you have done that, we get a lot of people on here that go and have a "pretend" wedding because a location is more important than having their nearest and dearest there for their wedding day. Often times, this means family have paid to travel to something that is actually not happening and can lead to people feeling very upset. From your response I am guessing that you are already planning on fulfilling the requirements to legally get married? This would be the biggest etiquette issue of them all if not!
    image
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    For Pete's sake. Obviously we will be fulfilling the requirements. Is that even a thing? People try to get married on a DW without following that country's requests?
    Not that it has ANYTHING to do with this topic, but yes we are both well aware of the requirements. My fiancé is not originally from the states and his family still lives there. We have been to Ireland five times in the last three months alone. Our "nearest and dearest" will be there THANKS TO the wedding being a DW.
    Please, if not about the question I asked, do not reply. I too am quite capable of Googling marriage requirements of any country, but fortunately I have had many opportunities to discuss and plan those details with officials IN Ireland. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    MobKaz said:
    Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:
    For Pete's sake. Obviously we will be fulfilling the requirements. Is that even a thing? People try to get married on a DW without following that country's requests?
    Not that it has ANYTHING to do with this topic, but yes we are both well aware of the requirements. My fiancé is not originally from the states and his family still lives there. We have been to Ireland five times in the last three months alone. Our "nearest and dearest" will be there THANKS TO the wedding being a DW.
    Please, if not about the question I asked, do not reply. I too am quite capable of Googling marriage requirements of any country, but fortunately I have had many opportunities to discuss and plan those details with officials IN Ireland. 
    Sadly, there are many posters that mislead and/or downright lie to friends and family about their destination "weddings".  Sadly, it is not uncommon at all for people to have secret civil ceremonies in the states and then have fake re-enactments in other countries. 

    Because it does happen, we do feel compelled to comment regarding the thoroughness and/or integrity surrounding destination weddings, particularly ones that occur in countries with more strict requirements.

    Finally, when you post on public forums, you have to be willing to accept any and all comments, whether expressly invited or not.
    Maybe they should post an interrogation form prior so that you can be sure that a couple can pass your tests.
    What does it matter to you if a couple has a "secret ceremony" and then has a DW after? If that's their choice, let them be. Two weddings sounds like entirely too much to do, but someone else's business is just that. Seems like an excessive amount of work to question the integrity of the presence of paperwork behind an international wedding rather than to simply give advice on inviting coworkers.
    Finally, when I post on an etiquette forum in relation to invitations, I expect to receive comments on that topic. If I had questions about destination weddings, I'd have posted there. 
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  • redoryxredoryx member
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    Me thinks the OP doth protest too much.
    image
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited January 2018
    Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:
    Maybe they should post an interrogation form prior so that you can be sure that a couple can pass your tests.
    What does it matter to you if a couple has a "secret ceremony" and then has a DW after? If that's their choice, let them be. Two weddings sounds like entirely too much to do, but someone else's business is just that. Seems like an excessive amount of work to question the integrity of the presence of paperwork behind an international wedding rather than to simply give advice on inviting coworkers.
    Finally, when I post on an etiquette forum in relation to invitations, I expect to receive comments on that topic. If I had questions about destination weddings, I'd have posted there. 
    I am planning to rob a bank.  What is the proper weapon I should use, and how should I word the note to the teller?  Don't comment on any possible consequences of robbing the bank.  Just give me the etiquette information I requested.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    If I were "freaking out" as you have so eloquently put it, I'd probably have stayed put to await more responses nagging at me to research requirements and their thoughts on a "secret ceremony", but alas, I did not. As I have said multiple times, I have thoroughly reviewed the requirements, yet it is still being made a topic. To address this, here we are:

    I am fully aware of the requirements of a destination wedding in Ireland. I will not be having a "secret ceremony". I have been to Ireland multiple times in the last few months and have discussed these requirements with the proper parties. I will be following their requirements. Thank you for the concern but it is not needed. My fiance, his family, and some of my family are citizens.

    While I am in complete understanding of the purpose of social media, one does not post on a cooking website and expect to receive questions about the medication one's grandmother is prescribed. There are topics on this site for a reason, and if I had needed advice on destination weddings, that's where you would find me.

    Thank you to those who responded about the question I, the original poster, had asked. I truly appreciate it!  :)

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  • InLoveInQueensInLoveInQueens member
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    Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:
    If I were "freaking out" as you have so eloquently put it, I'd probably have stayed put to await more responses nagging at me to research requirements and their thoughts on a "secret ceremony", but alas, I did not. As I have said multiple times, I have thoroughly reviewed the requirements, yet it is still being made a topic. To address this, here we are:

    I am fully aware of the requirements of a destination wedding in Ireland. I will not be having a "secret ceremony". I have been to Ireland multiple times in the last few months and have discussed these requirements with the proper parties. I will be following their requirements. Thank you for the concern but it is not needed. My fiance, his family, and some of my family are citizens.

    While I am in complete understanding of the purpose of social media, one does not post on a cooking website and expect to receive questions about the medication one's grandmother is prescribed. There are topics on this site for a reason, and if I had needed advice on destination weddings, that's where you would find me.

    Thank you to those who responded about the question I, the original poster, had asked. I truly appreciate it!  :)

    If you were posting about wanting to make your grandmother a dessert with grapefruit then yeah, asking about medication would be relevant. Just like you posting about a destination wedding in a country with strict[er than usual] requirements to get married in means people are going to make sure you're aware of what you're signing up for.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    LondonLisa said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    Sweet heavens.   

    DH and I just went to a family event.   Imagine I called the aunt hosting the party, saying, "Hey, we're bringing dessert ... how many people do you expect?"

    "30 people, thanks ... oh, by the way, the freeway near us is under construction, so you may want to take an alternate route."

    "I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT THE FREEWAY, CAROL ... ALL I ASKED YOU FOR WAS A HEADCOUNT!!!!"

    a tad silly, right?  Sound familiar?

    People here are trying to make sure you don't run into an issue.  sheesh.


    This what immediately jumped into my mind as well. 
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