Dear Prudence,
I’m in my late 20s and have been friends with my neighbor “Viv,” who’s 90, for almost six years. Viv lost her husband more than 10 years ago and lives alone. I come to visit with her about once a week as I work full time and go to school. Since she stopped driving a few years ago Viv tells me that her daughter and son-in-law (who live in our town) make a big deal out of taking her on simple errands and only contact her when they need something from her basement, which they use for storage. They also go on monthlong vacations and leave her to figure out taxi rides for appointments. She often worries that she’ll fall while she is home and that no one will find her for days. Her son who lives across the country brings up assisted living facilities each time he visits, as he is worried that she spends so much time alone. He says when she is ready he’ll come to make sure she gets settled and will take care of her house.
Last night when I visited, Viv told me again of her worries about being alone and said she would rather “go to sleep and not wake up” than deal with moving out of her beloved home of 65 years. What do I do? I love my friend and can understand that after 90 years of life, it can feel like a huge burden to go into assisted living and give up her independence. I do not believe she would intentionally harm herself, but I worry about the pain these feelings and loneliness cause her.
—Concerned Neighbor