Wedding Party

Pregnant BM- Did I handle this correctly?

Newbie here!

One of my BMs is pregnant! She found out a couple weeks ago and I was one of the first people she told. I'm OVER THE MOON excited for her. She is due 1 month before my wedding (wedding is August, due date is Sept). 

I sent her a text this evening asking about the baby (T-Rex is the nickname) and her, etc... Then I said this: "I know your due date is a month before my wedding. I want you to know that if you can't make it, it's totally ok. Your health and sanity and the health of T-Rex are more important than my wedding. Please don't feel bad if you can't make it."

She answered that she would definitely be there and be dancing. I'm worried though. I've never had kids, never been pregnant. Most of my close friends are childless too. The last thing I want to do is make her feel like she needs to be there for me if she can't/shouldn't (baby comes early, bed rest, etc...). I want her to be comfortable and relaxed.  

We live in Texas. August is hot as balls. She's one of my best friends in the entire world. I guess my questions here are these:

1. Did I say the right thing about not wanting her to over extend herself?
2. What can I do (if she does come) to make things more comfy for her? 
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Re: Pregnant BM- Did I handle this correctly?

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    As others have said, no two pregnancies are alike.  At 8 months, some women feel fantastic, while others want to be D.O.N.E.  Many women work up to, or even past their due dates.

    You have let your friend know that your friendship and her health are the priority.  That is the perfect thing to tell her.

    PP's suggestion about being a bit more laid back regarding friend's dress options are very helpful.  Hydration, being cool and comfortable, and having a place to literally put her feet up will also be helpful.  Depending on her sleep situation, a long day may be tricky if she is not getting a good night's rest. 

    The only other issue would be if friend has to travel for your wedding.  She may not want to be much more than an hour out from home by her 8th month.
    ahoywedding
  • As a mom, you handled this just fine. I assuming this is her first. Bless her heart. She might be dancing, or she might be having complications from a c-section and dealing with a colicky baby, and dancing is the last thing she wants to do.

    You’ve said what you need to say. You can remind her again a couple weeks before the wedding (when’s RSVPs are due) letting her know you are 100% good with her not making it at all and you’ll be happy knowing she’s taking care of herself. 

    If she does come, she’ll probably be nursing. A quiet, private place for her to nurse or pump would be greatly appreciated. Also, postpartum bodies do not bounce right back. Don’t ask her to order her dress far in advance. Even better? Pick a designer, fabric and length and let her choose.
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    short+sassyahoywedding
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I think what you said is fine, but don't keep bringing it up and saying it again and again. 

    I had a second-degree tear when I had my daughter, and yet I took a six-mile hike at 2.5 weeks postpartum. I wore her part of the way. Statistically, she will probably have a normal delivery and she and the baby will have no complications.

    Regarding your concerns about the baby coming early or her being on bed rest, I don't think those are well founded. Most preemies go home around their due date. So even if that happens, the baby will probably be home well before your wedding. And typically women aren't on bed rest after the delivery. 

    Make sure she has a good area to nurse in if she's breastfeeding. 

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 28
    At daughter's wedding, one of the bridesmaids had given birth the month before.  The only issue was the fit if the dress.  We needed an insert to cover the breastfeeding enlargement! HA!  No problem with bridesmaid or baby.
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Ditto @charlotte989875’s suggestions. Entertain the idea now that things don’t always go to plan and there’s a chance she might not be able to make it at all. I think you were fine with what you said. 


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    charlotte989875
  • If it's #3, she knows the drill and she knows all deliveries are not created equal. She also knows what her post-partum body will likely be like and can figure out her dress ordering from there. 

    For now, you've said your piece and can reiterate "the pressure's off" when invites go out. That's all you need to do.
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    charlotte989875lovesclimbing
  • If it's #3, she knows the drill and she knows all deliveries are not created equal. She also knows what her post-partum body will likely be like and can figure out her dress ordering from there. 

    For now, you've said your piece and can reiterate "the pressure's off" when invites go out. That's all you need to do.
    Yup.  Baby #1 for me left me in outer space and I had no clue.

    Baby #2 was a different ball game. 

    She's aware of what parenting takes so follow her lead.  
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