Catholic Wedding Probs

Re: Catholic Wedding Probs

• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2018

  If a Catholic wedding is important to you but  there isn't any church that can marry you on the date you choose, you'll have to decide which has priority: getting married in the Catholic Church or marrying on that particular day. It looks like you aren't going to be able to have both.
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  March 2018

  Sometimes you have to get a little firm  (not my way or highway, but the "Hey - I've given you more than the 6mo and get your stuff together") and set up a meeting with the priest to go over the details for pre-canna since you've been playing phone tag this long.  Explain how important getting married in the church is to the two of you and that you need to know the process so everything is on the up and up.  The only other alternative is having to fill out paperwork after the fact to have your marriage sacramentally recognized.  The main thing is that you marriage license be issued from the state you're getting married in and you go through the necessary paperwork on that level.  Set up a live meeting.  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  March 2018

  And they wonder why people leave the church. 
  
  At this point, I’d go in person. 

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2018

  What parish do you regularly attend mass in?  I’d talk to the priest that knows you best at this point.  He may be able to speak on your behalf to the pastor of the church you want to get married in.  My engagement was less than 6 months and H and I were married in the Catholic Church...the church where you or FI are well known and active may be a better place to start.
  
  This all sounds so frustrating...your FI’s home parish being unaccomodating bc your license says WV doesn’t even make sense I personally couldn’t imagine playing phone tag for months over something this important, I would’ve went in...but at this point I’d appeal to the priest I know best.  Good luck!

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• 6fsn member

  

  March 2018

  Push back with the churches. Explain your situation again. Tell the first church the second isn’t helping. Tell the second church the first isn’t helping. Is there another church you could do it?  If they are still giving grief is go to the diocese. We did a prep retreat through the diocese then just met with the priest once. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2018 edited March 2018

  Ugh, why are they making it so hard? I agree with going and talking to them in person. 
  
  Other options would be to change your driver's license (pay a little more in insurance, oh well) or change your wedding date. I can understand being sentimental about the date, but in the big scheme of things, the date doesn't matter as long as you're getting married in that church and following through on all that's involved in the sacrament. 

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2018

  OK - Are you actually booked at a church?   This is really confusing.  At this point what has actually been reserved with deposits?? 
  
  Churches often say that you need to have a good window of time to book but I've seen people get married in under 2 months.
  
  If you're already booked at a church with a ceremony scheduled then I would pick up and not let them push you off.  That said, be patient for the next two weeks given that Lent is a busy season.    Tell them that you are Catholic, with a scheduled ceremony and you need to arrange for the Pre Cana classes to be married there.   
  
  I hope you're both registered at a parish.   That helps.   What also helps is giving good face.   Do you both attend Mass?   Go after a Sunday (again, please don't hit up the priest in the next two weekends after Palm or Easter Sunday Mass) but explain that you're attending and are looking to see what HE recommends.  
  
  
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  March 2018

  If you're going to ask questions in person, do so this week.  Next week is Holy Week and the priests will be incredibly busy and not likely to be available to chat.  Also, don't expect a response from a priest the week after Easter .... that is a CRAZY time for the church and a common time for priests to take vacation.
  
  I suggest checking the website of the church for contact information of a wedding coordinator.  Quite a few churches have a lay person (non-clergy) that coordinates weddings and will (hopefully) be more responsive and know the details.
  
  I agree with @banana468 .... are you registered at a parish?  Is your FI?  I was a consultant when we were engaged & was traveling cross country every week for work for 6 months.  We were able to work it out and do our prep on the weekends, but the deacon working with us said that we could do Skype if need be.  But, then again, I was very involved at that church and this deacon had known me for years.
  
  Another agreement with banana ... if you haven't booked a church by now with a deposit, you need to do so pronto.  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• flantastic member

  

  March 2018

  They will work with you on the 6 months if you show good faith in the process. I know people who have gotten married in less. The reason for the 6 months is to ensure you've had time to do and think over and talk over the pre-Cana counseling together, it's not just arbitrary. The people who have gotten married in less than 6 months have proven that they have considered all the things that usually lead to divorce.
  
  I get that it is really frustrating not to have heard back, and that you're being referred back and forth. That's because they're not sure who has responsibility for you canonically. If you're going to be moving, then that diocese will have responsibility for you at the time of your marriage, but they don't have it right now. If the priest knew you, they'd be more easily able to suss out your situation, but it sounds like parish secretaries are making referrals based on partial information. This is where being active in a parish helps you.
  
  Have you told both churches you intend to marry on October 5? Honestly, a date is a date - October 5 can always be special to you, but your wedding date will become special because it's the date you got married. It's most definitely not worth waiting another three years to get married just on that date. So if necessary, being flexible on that would also be a good idea.
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  March 2018

  taylorm5591 said:

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
  
  So my fiance and I currently live in WV while I'm going to school and will be here for 4 more months. In July, we will be moving so I can do rotations. Our wedding date is October 5, 2018. It's super sentimental and I was surprised to get time off school to get married on this date (otherwise we'd be waiting at least another 3+ years). The problem is, the Catholic Church here in WV is 45 minutes away and they've been playing phone tag with me since November. Their deacon who was doing the pre-cana left and now someone finally returned my call...and they need 6 months for the prep. I explained I'm moving 5 hours away and they said that I should set it up with my future church. Checked that. 6 months. July to October is not 6 months. I called them and asked if they'd need that time since I'm not actually marrying in their church and they said to check in once I move there. 
  
  Well, that's a little too close of a time frame for me. My fiance's home parish stated that they really won't be able to do anything since my drivers license reads I live in WV (I really did it for the cheaper car insurance honestly).  
  
  Side note: we are getting married on the day my great-grandparents were married and we were trying to get married in the church his grandparents (and most of his family) were married.
  
  I know this is a long read, so thank you.

  
  As Banana asks - Are you actually booked at a church for Oct 5th?  If you are not, you are not getting married in a church, as of now.  So you may need to decide what is most important - the date or the Church.  Especially now that October is almost as busy as June for weddings.

  I don't really understand why it matters where your driver's license is.  If your FI calls the church and says that you two want to marry, why did they even ask for your license?  I think all that was required of me was my paperwork stating my dates of sacraments.  Also, what does your FI do that he is unable to return phone calls or not speak to someone when they call.  Why do you have to be the one to play phone tag, if he has a more predictable schedule - he should be the one to coordinate with the church.

  A long ago poster on these boards was living long distance from her FI.  They used Skype to complete their precana.  Is that an option for you at any of the parishes you have attended or where you will marry?  In our meetings with the priest, we only needed to be there in person for the Foccus test, but that could be mailed to you to fill out and mail back to the person prepping you and FI.  Also, look for online precana you can complete, there seem to be some Church approved programs after a quick Google search.  Just make sure the parish you marry in will accept that.

  I am surprised that while you had a deacon prepping you, you seem to need to start all over again.  The priest who was prepping us had an unexpected illness and took a long leave of absence.  Since we did not attend his church, this was my H's family priest from before his parish closed, we did not know.  We kept trying to schedule our last session with him when we were finally called back by someone in their office to tell us he was off for an illness.  We had less than 2 months till our wedding when this happened.  The pastor at the church we attended did perform our ceremony for us.  We did meet with him once, just so he could do his typical first meeting before marrying a couple, but no other prepping was required.  Try asking if someone can just pick up where the original deacon left off. 

  Lastly, try to speak with a priest (especially one you personally know) or a deacon and not an office attendant.  Sometimes the office attendant tries to be a know it all Catholic encyclopedia and are often wrong.  They have told people their non-Catholic FI has to convert or they have to do X, Y, or Z, but it is not true. 

  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  March 2018

  OliveOilsMom said:

  
  

   Also, look for online precana you can complete, there seem to be some Church approved programs after a quick Google search.  Just make sure the parish you marry in will accept that.
  

  Definitely check the parish first to see if the online is an option.  I glanced at one of the ones that I found when I did a quick Google and it did not list any dioceses in WV that use it.  
  
  Before you do any of this, get with the church to determine what they will require.
  
  

  Lastly, try to speak with a priest (especially one you personally know) or a deacon and not an office attendant.  Sometimes the office attendant tries to be a know it all Catholic encyclopedia and are often wrong.  They have told people their non-Catholic FI has to convert or they have to do X, Y, or Z, but it is not true. 

  I think this will vary from parish to parish, tbh. The church we attend has 8,000 families, so a couple trying to schedule a meeting with the pastor will likely be referred to the wedding coordinator.  The wedding coordinator that we worked with has advanced degrees in theology and took care of all the logistics.  We had a visiting priest as the celebrant, so there was additional paperwork needed.  No sweat.   

  
  
  
  
  

  

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