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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Should I invite someone I CAN'T STAND out of obligation?
I took a job caring for a woman with dementia last year and I love her, her husband, and her daughter with all of my heart. I would do anything for them. Her son on the other hand makes my flesh crawl. He is in his later 30's, lives at home, doesn't work, and walks around with a false sense of entitlement. One of the benefits of my job is that I can bring my 7 year old autistic child with me to work after he gets out of school. Well, recently I confronted this guy because I felt he made a rude comment to my son. It escalated from there and he threw a hissy fit because his dad took my side. After about a month, we are cordial again but I absolutely loathe this person. My fiance says I don't have to invite him to our wedding at all, but part of me feels like a jerk inviting his dad, mother, and sister and leaving him out. The only person I am concerned about offending is my client's husband. He is a very nice man and I love working for him. I'm worried he'll be hurt that I invited one of his kids and not the other. Help please!
Re: Should I invite someone I CAN'T STAND out of obligation?
If you haven't made reference to then being on the guest list leave all of them off and don't mix business with pleasure.
If it's really that important to you for this family to be there, I think you'll just have to accept inviting him and try to minimize your interaction with him if he attends. If the thought of his being there bothers you as much as it seems to, then you may have to forego inviting these people. Personally, I think they're more likely to understand if you don't invite any of them than if you invite three of them and leave the son out.
Other than that, I agree with @downtondiva. I would pass entirely on extending an invitation to this family.
Positions such as yours can get slippery fast. In home providers, whether adult or childcare, have to be cautious when it comes to forming personal relationships with their clients because in the end, they are clients.
If you extended any kind of verbal invitation, you need to invite whoever was included in that.
If you have NOT extended a verbal invitation, I wouldn't. These people are your clients/customers.
It was definitely a verbal invite, so I am inviting her. There is a whole, long, emotional story behind how and why I was hired to care for this woman, so my relationship with the family is personal and not just professional. We knew each other well before the idea of me caring for her was even a thought. I am going to suck it up and invite the son. *sigh*
I agree with the other PPs that this is an "all or nothing" invite situation. I would have even said you could have invited the woman and her H, but not their adult children. However, since you already invited the daughter anyway, it does need to be the "all" choice.
On the bright side, you'll barely know he is there. Trust me! You and your FI will be busy greeting and chatting with everyone. You probably won't be spending much time with any particular guest, much less one that you all don't like. As the hosts, you all are obligated to spend 1-2 minutes greeting him, thanking him for coming, etc. But, other than that, just avoid him.