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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Bridal Shower Etiquette (gifts) for family only/destination-type wedding
I am having a small family only (50 guests, no bridal party) wedding out of state.
My mom and best friend want to host a bridal shower in my home state so I can celebrate with people who I cannot be at the wedding. I love the idea of celebrating with friends and family who cannot attend the wedding, but I feel strange about the gift situation.
I have on the invite that it is a family only wedding out of state, but what should I do about gifts? Should I say "No gifts expected" since most of these people are not invited to the wedding?
Or, should I include registry info? My mom says it is a must to include registry info for a shower and my friends and family will be happy to receive a shower invite, it is a way of including them. (More traditional approach for a larger wedding...)
What is proper nowadays for a bridal shower for a family only/destination wedding?
My mom and best friend want to host a bridal shower in my home state so I can celebrate with people who I cannot be at the wedding. I love the idea of celebrating with friends and family who cannot attend the wedding, but I feel strange about the gift situation.
I have on the invite that it is a family only wedding out of state, but what should I do about gifts? Should I say "No gifts expected" since most of these people are not invited to the wedding?
Or, should I include registry info? My mom says it is a must to include registry info for a shower and my friends and family will be happy to receive a shower invite, it is a way of including them. (More traditional approach for a larger wedding...)
What is proper nowadays for a bridal shower for a family only/destination wedding?
Re: Bridal Shower Etiquette (gifts) for family only/destination-type wedding
You should not be having this type of party. This is inappropriate. Only people invited to the wedding itself should be invited to a shower. So if you want to have a shower, the guest list needs to be limited.
However, after your wedding, if you mom wants to host a generic BBQ or other get together. The newlyweds could be there in attendance to see people after their wedding. This would not be a party for or about you and your new DH(!), but you would be regular guests that other guests could interact with.
Ditto PP your mom could throw you a post wedding get-together.
A post-wedding "meet the newlyweds" thing is probably your best bet.
A better option would be for them to host a party after your wedding. This could be a luncheon or a dinner, neither of which wouldn't normally suggest gifts. It shouldn't be anything wedding-y, though.
Agreed. The party shouldn't be called anything related to a wedding, but a "meet the newlyweds" or something like that would be fine.
You also don't want to say "no gifts expected" for the reasons @thisismynickname outlined. Most people won't give a gift for this type of party anyway. Some people might bring gifts, but that will be because they want to. Not because they feel they have to.
Is this party happening before the wedding? I'm a little confused on that. If it is, I wouldn't have your mom/sister label it anything. Then, they should just throw a casual party and mention something like, "Knottie #'s and her FI will be in town. Come by, say hi, and have a burger."
A celebration of marriage held after the wedding is perfectly acceptable, IMO. This can be as fancy or casual as you like. The invitations should be sent after the wedding has taken place and it should be clear, by the wording, that you are married. Don't mention gifts or put the registry info on the invitation. If anyone wants to know about your registry, they will ask. If anyone shows up at the party with gift in hand, be discreet, put the gift away to be opened later so the other guests won't get the idea that they were supposed to bring a gift.
Woman's Name and Man's Name
were married on Date
in City, State
You are invited to a celebration of marriage (or Wife's Parent's Name invite you......)
on Date
Venue
Address
City, State
r.s.v.p. to Name Phone number by Date
1. ONLY people invited to the wedding can be invited to ANY pre-wedding events.
2. The entire purpose of a shower is to get gifts, so there's no such thing as a "no gifts shower".
3. You're only a bride until you get married, then you're a wife...so any post-wedding celebrations should not include the words "bride" or "bridal".
If your family wants to throw a party back home, wait until after the wedding, and don't use the words "shower" or "bridal" and you should be fine.
Your wedding is the most important thing to you, but other people aren't clamouring to celebrate you. Pre wedding parties are ONLY for people invited to the wedding. Part of having a small, DW is recognising you are foregoing celebrating with people that aren't invited.
If someone is desperate to celebrate you, or buy you a gift, they will get in touch to take you out to dinner or ask for your gift list.
You chose to not celebrate with these people when you decided on a small wedding. It's fine, and understandable, but you can't turn around and be sad when you can't actually celebrate with them. This was your choice. Own it.