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So uh, LW can you spare me some cash?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

A friend of a friend contacted me about six months ago asking for money. He was in a tough place and was reaching out to anyone who had previously donated to a GoFundMe he had set up a few months earlier. I gave a little and didn’t think much of it. Since then, he’s continually messaged me for money, and the requests have started coming more often. I get that it’s hard out there, and he’s really on the ropes, but I can’t afford to give as much as he’s asking. Should I stop giving money? How do I set up boundaries with a stranger?

—How Do I Stop Giving Money?
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Re: So uh, LW can you spare me some cash?

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Are you kidding? Some people deserve to lose their money. You say no once and thereafter ignore this person. And you get professional help. 
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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its

    Who are these people that just ask other people for money? Let alone the people who give it!

    I feel super uncomfortable even asking for money for charities! I have a team this year for the PANcan Purple Stride walk and I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up donating almost the full amount to myself rather than ask people to donate.

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    banana468banana468 member
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    NO!!

    Look, if you really feel like you want to help talk to the friend and see if you can assist in a job search.  You're not a charity.
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    edited April 2018
    charlotte989875 said:
    "Please stop contacting me for money. I was happy to help in the past, but I will no longer be giving. If you continue to message me I will have to block your account/number or take additional actions". 

    Yes, this!

    Some people are just way too nice foolish.  This person is barely an acquaintance to the LW.  I don't understand why any money was ever given.  My attitude is, grown adults need to figure their own s**t out.  Which is not say I wouldn't help out a close friend or family member with a loan or a monetary gift.  But someone I barely know?  Oh, heeelll no.

    As an aside, super ironically, I just for the first time ever gave a loan last night to one of our closest friends to fix his truck.  It broke down, but he's a plumber, so he desperately needs it to run his business.  But just because he is a good friend doesn't mean I didn't charge him some interest, albeit nominal.  And a promissory note was signed, including signing over the title to me if it isn't paid back in 4 months.  I am REALLY hoping I do not come to regret this.  But he's helped us out a LOT recently.  Either for free or much less than what he normally charges.  And all of that was before the truck broke down.  So, as long as I get paid back, I'll be happy to have helped him out big time, in return.

    Back to the letter.  It's outrageous the person even asked an acquaintance for money to begin with, but some people are like that.  I'd bet this person is a "perpetual victim" and has always "gotten by" through taking advantage of others and being a "taker".  More likely than not, whatever "tough" circumstances this person is in was caused by their own lack of planning and/or poor money management.

    The first part of this paragraph does not apply to our plumber friend.  He has never asked us for money and we've known him for years.  But, tbh, the second part does.  He made thousands of extra dollars back in Jan. when NOLA had a very unusual multi-day freeze and tons of homes had broken, frozen pipes.  Did he save any of that unexpected money bonanza for his own rainy day?  Apparently not (sigh).  He's pretty decent about saving his money when there is something specific he wants.  But, otherwise, he just spends whatever he makes.  On what?  Who knows.  I doubt even he could tell you, smh.

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    GBCKGBCK member
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    man, people need to grow up w/ moocher relatives so they see how people say "NO" when they're still kids.
    (I saw my parents say 'no' a lot as a kid.  Because my mom's family asked on a weekly basis.  My dad and mom sat down w/ my one aunt EVERY WEEK for like 2 years and helped her sort out her money and pay bills to keep her afloat.  but they wouldn't give her cash.  [although I know they gave her groceries and paid some rent. but shh, I'm not supposed to know that ].  I can say that helped her way more than money.  ANd DAMN it was work.  Seriously, she'd show up w/ her folder of crap every sunday afternoon and my dad would sit w/ her and help her do math because she can't math)
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