Embarrassed about shower host

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 · June 2018

I'm embarrassed because my maid of honor is hosting a shower for me and forgot to add the store info for where we registered, and now I have people asking me. I told her to not forget and it seems she forgot and now I'm humiliated. So do I make up new invitations and send them out myself with registry info or do I ask her to make new invitations? I don't know what to tell people, several friends showed me the invites they got and no info at all!!!!

redwoodoriginal · June 2018

Humiliated? Really?? Of all things to be humiliated about... it was a mistake. Just take it in stride. It’s not the end of the world.

Relax.

People need to rsvp to the shower, right? She could tell them about the registries when they rsvp. Or she could send out an email to them or call them and update them. I don’t think making brand new invites is necessary, IMO.

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 · June 2018

Problem is that they don't know my maid of honor directly so these friends are giving me their RSVPs and it was a whole thing, she made it seem like it was rude for me to hand out the shower invitations, and now look what happened. So she said that i should tell them to ask her about the registries when they give her the RSVPs, but it looks like I'm the one who is collecting the RSVPs. From like 7 people. Its now my nightmare

redwoodoriginal · June 2018

So tell them to rsvp to her. And then she can tell them. You shouldn’t have anything to do with the rsvps.

lovesclimbing · June 2018

I'm hosting a baby shower in a couple weeks. I don't know plenty of the people who are invited, but they're still RSVPing to me because I'm who the invitation indicates should be rsvped to. A handful of people have rsvped to the guest of honor, and ... so? It's really not that big of a deal. The invitation clearly indicates she's not hosting her own shower given that it's thrown at my home, the invitations were sent by me, and I'm the one receiving rsvps even if a few people choose to rsvp to her.

This is absolutely not a nightmare or a humiliation. When someone asks you where you are registered, just say "It's at Florence's Floofy Flounces for Little Fluffybutts" and leave it at that.

It's really not a big deal. It is not rude to tell someone where you're registered if they ask.

There is no reason to send out new invitations.

MobKaz · June 2018

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I'm embarrassed because my maid of honor is hosting a shower for me and forgot to add the store info for where we registered, and now I have people asking me. I told her to not forget and it seems she forgot and now I'm humiliated. So do I make up new invitations and send them out myself with registry info or do I ask her to make new invitations? I don't know what to tell people, several friends showed me the invites they got and no info at all!!!!

Humiliated is a tad melodramatic, don’t you think?

No, you don’t ask her to make new invitations. How would you send out new invitations? Ohhhhh....perhaps you could ask for a ride from your MOH, and since you’re already in the car, swing by a dress shop?

missJeanLouise · June 2018

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I'm embarrassed because my maid of honor is hosting a shower for me and forgot to add the store info for where we registered, and now I have people asking me. I told her to not forget and it seems she forgot and now I'm humiliated. So do I make up new invitations and send them out myself with registry info or do I ask her to make new invitations? I don't know what to tell people, several friends showed me the invites they got and no info at all!!!!

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

Problem is that they don't know my maid of honor directly so these friends are giving me their RSVPs and it was a whole thing, she made it seem like it was rude for me to hand out the shower invitations, and now look what happened. So she said that i should tell them to ask her about the registries when they give her the RSVPs, but it looks like I'm the one who is collecting the RSVPs. From like 7 people. Its now my nightmare

7 people?? Give your MOH their phone numbers and have her text them the info.

“Hi, this is Barbara, knottie#s MOH, I forgot to include registry information for the shower on the invite. She is registered at ABCStore.

”

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2018

Agree with PPs. She can give them info when they RSVP or you can tell them. It was a mistake and no big deal. No reason to be humiliated (really???), you are blowing this way out of proportion. I am hosting a shower for a friend next month a probably don't know half of the guest list. They are all still RSVPing to me but if they tell her instead, I certainly won't get my nose bent out of shape about it.

MobKaz · June 2018

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Agree with PPs. She can give them info when they RSVP or you can tell them. It was a mistake and no big deal. No reason to be humiliated (really???), you are blowing this way out of proportion. I am hosting a shower for a friend next month a probably don't know half of the guest list. They are all still RSVPing to me but if they tell her instead, I certainly won't get my nose bent out of shape about it.

I hosted a baby shower in Los Angeles, but live in Chicago. I did not know one single guest. We managed to communicate quite well.

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1, how or even why did these guests feel compelled to actually SHOW you these invitations? Did they take pictures of these embarrassing invitations? Did they walk around with them until they had an opportunity to offer a big reveal?

STARMOON44 · June 2018

You really need to get a grip. This is not a calamity.

ei34 · June 2018

Inhala, exhala. There’s nothing awkward about mentioning a registry when a) asked and b) it’s related to your shower. If it’s killing you, just refer all registry queries to your MOH (simple enough, as you should be doing that when they rsvp to you anyway).

Jen4948 · June 2018

Once, for a shower, I contacted the hostess, whom I didn't know. (I knew the honoree.) I needed some advice on what to give the honoree, and the hostess knew her better than I did at that point. The shower invitation didn't contain any registry or theme information.

Just go with the flow. If anyone needs your registry information, they can ask your MOH. Or, they can Google it online. Nothing to worry about.

STARMOON44 · June 2018

Jen4948 said:

Once, for a shower, I contacted by the hostess, whom I didn't know. (I knew the honoree.) I needed some advice on what to give the honoree, and the hostess knew her better than I did at that point. The shower invitation didn't contain any registry ior theme nformation.

Just go with the flow. If anyone needs your registry information, they can ask your MOH. Or, they can Google it online. Nothing to worry about.

Right? You actually don’t need to know someone to reach out and rsvp for a shower and ask where someone is register

flantastic · June 2018

If anyone is being embarrassed or humiliated by someone else's behavior, I'd bet money it's your MOH. I genuinely feel sorry for her because she is throwing you a freaking party, and instead of being grateful, you are on her case about every (completely unimportant) detail.

You keep asking for people to do everything for you and yet inserting yourself where you no longer have business, like with where to send these shower invites, vetoing dresses, and then these RSVPs. If the guests are not adult enough to text/call/email/mail the host of a party because they don't know her, that's on them. If the guests simply don't know what they're doing and hand you their RSVP out of convenience, just pass it on to the actual host. No need to (and actually you just shouldn't) get more involved.

They'll either figure out where you're registered (via the Google, or asking your MOH when they RSVP) or they'll get you something not on your registry, as is their prerogative anyway. Who tf cares.

Let. It. Go.

The general drama-llamaing is making my head hurt.

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 · June 2018

I've never had a party this big before so I'm not familiar with what is proper and what isn't. It threwe off that my friends were asking me for the missing information. I told myaid of honor and she got annoyed because she has some surprises in mind and my friends almost ruined it by coming to me instead of her. I almost want to just ask her to cancel the whole thing now because of how much trouble she seems like this all is for her.

STARMOON44 · June 2018

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I've never had a party this big before so I'm not familiar with what is proper and what isn't. It threwe off that my friends were asking me for the missing information. I told myaid of honor and she got annoyed because she has some surprises in mind and my friends almost ruined it by coming to me instead of her. I almost want to just ask her to cancel the whole thing now because of how much trouble she seems like this all is for her.

Or, you could follow the advice you get from everyone every time you ask questions about this and just let it go and stop manufacturing drama.

MesmrEwe · June 2018

This is not someone filling out your WEDDING invitations for you and included the registry info, in which case, sucks and mistake, but meh... This is the shower... How you respond is the same when anyone asks where you're registered, whether for the shower or a wedding invite, you give them an answer "We registered at Harvey's Wine Emporium and Goldie's Cupcake Castle!" and if they tell you they're coming to the shower RSVPing to you, go ahead and pass that info along to your MOH as-if NBD because REALLY, it is NO BIG DEAL!

There's a time to get uptight about etiquette things and there's a time not to, this is one of those times not to.

charlotte989875 · June 2018

This is a minor snafu, but nothing to be humiliated about. When they RSVP either a) tell them where you are registered (easiest option) or b) tell them to talk to your MOH (also, not that hard).

I said this on another one of your posts, but I think it bears repeating: it is fine to be disappointed when things happen during wedding planning that you don't expect or didn't plan for. But it's a completely different thing to fly off the handle and be rude to your friends because things don't go as planned. I'm sure your MOH feels bad she forgot this on the few invitations that are missing the information. But threatening to cancel a shower (for a second time) because she did this seems, well unkind, IMO. If you don't want a shower, that's perfectly fine and you should have declined when she offered. But you accepted and now should let her make the arrangements, handle the RSVPs, and generally, you know, host the shower.

Again, it's okay to be disappointed, but this seems to be an overreaction to something that is easily fixed.

climbingsingle · June 2018

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I've never had a party this big before so I'm not familiar with what is proper and what isn't. It threwe off that my friends were asking me for the missing information. I told myaid of honor and she got annoyed because she has some surprises in mind and my friends almost ruined it by coming to me instead of her. I almost want to just ask her to cancel the whole thing now because of how much trouble she seems like this all is for her.

You're really making this way more dramatic than is necessary. Maybe you should let your friend cancel your shower, because it seems like you're very ungrateful.
You're humiliated and embarrassed because she forgot to include the registry info?!? This is a minor mistake, and a made by a FRIEND that is trying to do something nice for you. Let it go. If people contact you and ask for your registry info, just tell them.

thisismynickname2 · June 2018

My mom forgot my registry info for my baby shower. (Edit- she designed and sent the invites.) She, my sister, my MIL, my BFF (all cohosting) and DH of course all knew where we were registered, so every guest had a mechanism for learning about the registry. It was fine.

Nothing to stress about.

CALM DOWN. I don't think I've seen anyone recently around here who needs a margarita and an orgasm as much as you do.

ahoywedding · June 2018

I've gotten shower invites with no registry info on them before, and just asked the hosts when I RSVP'd where the registry was. I've also RSVP'd to a billion hosts I didn't know, either when I could or couldn't attend. It's literally no big deal for adults. It's also not uncommon for guests to mention to the guest of honor if they're coming or not, but they may have also formally RSVP'd to the host. All you have to do next time you talk to your MOH is say "hey friend, did so-and-so tell you she won't be able to make the shower?"

Our ILs hosted our RD. We included the invite with our wedding invites for the guests included in the RD, with my MILs phone and email for RSVPs. I had a few of my family members email or text me their RSVP, and I just let MIL know. I also followed up with my side of the family if they hadn't RSVP'd yet and just let MIL know what I found out.

I understand this is new for you, and maybe you're younger, but life will be very hard if you treat every small bump as though it's a major catastrophe. Take a breath, have a drink, get a massage, go for a run, whatever you need to do to calm down. This is such a minor thing. If someone asks you for your registry info, tell them. It's a two-sentence conversation.

MyNameIsNot · June 2018

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I've never had a party this big before so I'm not familiar with what is proper and what isn't. It threwe off that my friends were asking me for the missing information. I told myaid of honor and she got annoyed because she has some surprises in mind and my friends almost ruined it by coming to me instead of her. I almost want to just ask her to cancel the whole thing now because of how much trouble she seems like this all is for her.

So a general rule of thumb when you don't know the etiquette, is don't be an asshole. You're going to come into lots of new situations and do lots of things for the first time. When you're in a new situation and you don't know what is proper, start by not acting like an asshole. As you get the hang of the situation, you'll learn more but not being an asshole will serve you well anywhere while you get your bearings.

You're being completely ridiculous for no reason. Many hosts choose not to put registry info on invitations, and that's perfectly fine. If your guests RSVP'ed to you instead of the host and potentially screwed up a surprise, that's their fault for not knowing how to RSVP. Having registry info on the invitation wouldn't have taught them how to RSVP to the host. You could have simply said "please make sure you let MOH know you'll be coming. We're registered at Macy's." But no, you choose to be humiliated (WTF?) and try to start drama with your MOH. As above, don't be an asshole.

ShesSoCold · June 2018

MyNameIsNot said:

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I've never had a party this big before so I'm not familiar with what is proper and what isn't. It threwe off that my friends were asking me for the missing information. I told myaid of honor and she got annoyed because she has some surprises in mind and my friends almost ruined it by coming to me instead of her. I almost want to just ask her to cancel the whole thing now because of how much trouble she seems like this all is for her.

So a general rule of thumb when you don't know the etiquette, is don't be an asshole. You're going to come into lots of new situations and do lots of things for the first time. When you're in a new situation and you don't know what is proper, start by not acting like an asshole. As you get the hang of the situation, you'll learn more but not being an asshole will serve you well anywhere while you get your bearings.

You're being completely ridiculous for no reason. Many hosts choose not to put registry info on invitations, and that's perfectly fine. If your guests RSVP'ed to you instead of the host and potentially screwed up a surprise, that's their fault for not knowing how to RSVP. Having registry info on the invitation wouldn't have taught them how to RSVP to the host. You could have simply said "please make sure you let MOH know you'll be coming. We're registered at Macy's." But no, you choose to be humiliated (WTF?) and try to start drama with your MOH. As above, don't be an asshole.

This. 10000 X this.

You keep saying that you've never had a wedding or a party this big or blah blah blah. Stop looking at it like that. Common decency doesn't change from size and type of party to another. If you wouldn't send out "corrected" invitations to a birthday party that you're not even freaking hosting, you probably shouldn't do it for a shower either. Stop inserting yourself where you don't belong and stop with the ridiculous demands that everyone somehow just magically can read your mind and do exactly what you're thinking they should do.

Be thankful that anyone is even throwing a shower for you. Be thankful that you have friends that want to be your bridesmaids. Be thankful for the rides you've gotten and other nice things your friends have done, don't demand more. Calm down, take a step back and think of how you'd feel if the tables were turned.

levioosa · June 2018

Jesus you are the biggest drama llama. The dresses your friends picked aren't good enough, no one is obsessed enough with your wedding, they had the gall to throw you a nice shower but made a tiny mistake. You should be humiliated by your own actions.

InLoveInQueens · June 2018

levioosa said:

Jesus you are the biggest drama llama. The dresses your friends picked aren't good enough, no one is obsessed enough with your wedding, they had the gall to throw you a nice shower but made a tiny mistake. You should be humiliated by your own actions.

OMG thank you for reminding me where I recognized OP from, their other ridiculous drama llama post about the dresses!

OP, you need to take a serious chill pill, have a drink, take a bath, masturbate, go for a walk, binge watch your favorite TV show, do something to distract you until you chill out because if you don't, after this wedding is over you won't have any friends left. You are making mountains out of flat ground, not even mole hills, they're so innocuous, and you are going to turn all your friends off if you continue to behave this way and treat your friends like Barbie doll maids.

You have chosen these people to honor them and thank them for being in your life, they're not your slaves and they're not your props. If people are RSVPing to you, gently remind them the host is the one who should receive the RSVP and if they ask where you're registered, tell them! That's it! It's the simplest thing that you're turning into a whole production.

banana468 · June 2018

I feel like all of this can't be real. Between the dresses and wanting to turn down help but not driving I can't wrap my head around this.

It's too much drama OP!

If the shortest distance between two points is a line don't zig zag it.

climbingsingle · June 2018

banana468 said:

I feel like all of this can't be real. Between the dresses and wanting to turn down help but not driving I can't wrap my head around this.

It's too much drama OP!

If the shortest distance between two points is a line don't zig zag it.

This is where I'm at, now realizing this is all the same poster.

knottie7d6129cc92a62680 · August 2018

i guess you both can fix it nicely, each of you has a role to play since it's your special day and she is your maid of honor.

MobKaz · August 2018

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Agree with PPs. She can give them info when they RSVP or you can tell them. It was a mistake and no big deal. No reason to be humiliated (really???), you are blowing this way out of proportion. I am hosting a shower for a friend next month a probably don't know half of the guest list. They are all still RSVPing to me but if they tell her instead, I certainly won't get my nose bent out of shape about it.

I hosted a baby shower in Los Angeles, but live in Chicago. I did not know one single guest. We managed to communicate quite well.

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1, how or even why did these guests feel compelled to actually SHOW you these invitations? Did they take pictures of these embarrassing invitations? Did they walk around with them until they had an opportunity to offer a big reveal?

knottie7d6129cc92a62680 · August 2018

you don't have to feel embarrassed about this. it's a mistake and everyone did made it at some point. i agree that u can tell the others to contact her for the details or if u managed to give the people the info, it's good too.

Embarrassed about shower host

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