Beyond Upset!!

StressedOut2ndtimeBride · June 2018

So 2 years ago I asked the first friend I made in a new town to be one of my bridesmaids. She also helped my fh contact me on the website we met on.

Now fast forward to now: Her ex-husband is dating one of fh cousins. The cousin has tried to get the friends fiancé to cheat on friend with her. Cousin is 21 boyfriend/ex husband is 35-40.

Now cousins dad, fh uncle is trying to tell us who is and isn’t allowed. He thinks he’s the hottest guy in town bc he owns one of the bars in town, a pizza franchise, a private ambulance company, and has a few strips clubs in multiple cities. He’s starting drama and rumors saying that our friend is running her mouth and that cousin is bringing friends ex-husband no matter what

StressedOut2ndtimeBride · June 2018

This is the exact crap I didn’t want to have to deal with and now have to put on a fake smile next weekend for my soon to be sil/bil wedding.

I have no idea how I should handle this because I am one who prefers to avoid confrontations at all costs

holyguacamole79 · June 2018

StressedOut2ndtimeBride said:

So 2 years ago I asked the first friend I made in a new town to be one of my bridesmaids. She also helped my fh contact me on the website we met on.

Now fast forward to now: Her ex-husband is dating one of fh cousins. The cousin has tried to get the friends fiancé to cheat on friend with her. Cousin is 21 boyfriend/ex husband is 35-40.

Now cousins dad, fh uncle is trying to tell us who is and isn’t allowed. He thinks he’s the hottest guy in town bc he owns one of the bars in town, a pizza franchise, a private ambulance company, and has a few strips clubs in multiple cities. He’s starting drama and rumors saying that our friend is running her mouth and that cousin is bringing friends ex-husband no matter what

StressedOut2ndtimeBride said 8:

This is the exact crap I didn’t want to have to deal with and now have to put on a fake smile next weekend for my soon to be sil/bil wedding.

I have no idea how I should handle this because I am one who prefers to avoid confrontations at all costs

flantastic · June 2018

Easy. Don't be part of it. Straight up ignore it. Do not engage. If someone tries to talk to you about it, say, "I'd rather not discuss this" or "Huh. Did you try this bean dip?"

I don't see how this has really anything to do with you. You're in luck - this does not require confrontation from you. You can still be happy for the couple getting married next weekend. You can change the subject anytime anyone tries to bring up your guest list.

I understand you feel like you have a bit of a loyalty dilemma. If you invite your FH's cousin to your wedding, she has to be allowed to bring her SO, even if that is your BM's ex. Your FH's uncle is right about that, if nothing else. If you don't want to do that to your friend, don't invite the cousin.

Or, you could all choose to be adults and see the first two paragraphs.

MobKaz · June 2018

flantastic said:

Easy. Don't be part of it. Straight up ignore it. Do not engage. If someone tries to talk to you about it, say, "I'd rather not discuss this" or "Huh. Did you try this bean dip?"

I don't see how this has really anything to do with you. You're in luck - this does not require confrontation from you. You can still be happy for the couple getting married next weekend. You can change the subject anytime anyone tries to bring up your guest list.

I understand you feel like you have a bit of a loyalty dilemma. If you invite your FH's cousin to your wedding, she has to be allowed to bring her SO, even if that is your BM's ex. Your FH's uncle is right about that, if nothing else. If you don't want to do that to your friend, don't invite the cousin.

Or, you could all choose to be adults and see the first two paragraphs.

@StressedOut2ndtimeBride, there is really no other advice to offer nor comment to make other than what @flantastic has said. You do mention a lot of information regarding your FI's uncle which on the surface seems unnecessary. Are you and your FI by chance making use of any of his establishments/businesses for your wedding? That would be the only reason I could see for some of your stress.

If that is not the case, then reread the advice suggested above and walk away from it.

ei34 · June 2018

Ditto PP. Try really hard to stay out of the drama. The more fuel a fire receives the larger it will grow. The uncle sounds like the biggest problem, since the cousin is entitled to date anyone she pleases. Try to be supportive of your friend without bringing your wedding into things.

MesmrEwe · June 2018

Bean dip is such an AMAZING recipe for this type of drama... It's only drama if you allow yourself to participate, stop participating! And "Thanks for the advice, we'll take it into consideration" aka "Bless his heart" and "This is one for the round file..." Do not allow yourself to get caught up in the drama and it'll go away. Do not talk about the wedding around those individuals who will cause drama, hard as that might be, that is your first line of defense!

climbingsingle · June 2018

I had to read this 6 times to understand what's going on here.

As PPs have said, don't engage in any of this drama. It's really that simple. Your FH's cousin is allowed to bring her SO, even if that happens to be your friend's ex-husband.

ahoywedding · June 2018

climbingwife said:

I had to read this 6 times to understand what's going on here.

As PPs have said, don't engage in any of this drama. It's really that simple. Your FH's cousin is allowed to bring her SO, even if that happens to be your friend's ex-husband.

I still don't get it.

OP, you're an adult. Ignore their attempts to start drama. Invite who you want (unless any of the drama starters are paying for your wedding). Allow your guests to bring anyone they consider to be their SO. It goes without saying you should try to seat whoever is the ex-partner and whoever is the current partner at different tables.

mrsconn23 · June 2018

ahoywedding said:

climbingwife said:

I had to read this 6 times to understand what's going on here.

As PPs have said, don't engage in any of this drama. It's really that simple. Your FH's cousin is allowed to bring her SO, even if that happens to be your friend's ex-husband.

I still don't get it.

OP, you're an adult. Ignore their attempts to start drama. Invite who you want (unless any of the drama starters are paying for your wedding). Allow your guests to bring anyone they consider to be their SO. It goes without saying you should try to seat whoever is the ex-partner and whoever is the current partner at different tables.

I had to read it a few times and I'm still confused too. But yeah, @flantastic said it all perfectly.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to keep your mouth shut and opinions to yourself, but it's the best way to avoid drama. And avoiding drama is the best way to enjoy *your* wedding day.

Beyond Upset!!

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