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abysmom25
member
Bachelorette party drama
OK. I'm the Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding. I'm planning her bachelorette party and need some help.
She knows what she wants and basically won't budge. On the other hand, I don't have the money or the patience for what she wants to do. FYI, she wants to go to Bourbon Street and hit up the strip clubs and get a hotel room and stay the night. I live in Mississippi and would have to drive to her home (an hour and a half away) to pick her up, then drive to New Orleans (another hour and a half away), book a $500 a night hotel room (her party is during the Essence Festival, so NOLA is going to be packed!), and pay for my and her dinner, entrance fees to the strip clubs and tip money. I, on the other hand, want to stay here on the coast and get a hotel, hire a stripper, have dinner, and go clubbing. I will still go pick her up from her home, but we will come back to the coast.
Is there a way to convince her to do things my way without pissing her off? I love her so much (we've been best friends since 1999) and want her to have what she wants, but I just don't feel comfortable spending that kind of money.
She knows what she wants and basically won't budge. On the other hand, I don't have the money or the patience for what she wants to do. FYI, she wants to go to Bourbon Street and hit up the strip clubs and get a hotel room and stay the night. I live in Mississippi and would have to drive to her home (an hour and a half away) to pick her up, then drive to New Orleans (another hour and a half away), book a $500 a night hotel room (her party is during the Essence Festival, so NOLA is going to be packed!), and pay for my and her dinner, entrance fees to the strip clubs and tip money. I, on the other hand, want to stay here on the coast and get a hotel, hire a stripper, have dinner, and go clubbing. I will still go pick her up from her home, but we will come back to the coast.
Is there a way to convince her to do things my way without pissing her off? I love her so much (we've been best friends since 1999) and want her to have what she wants, but I just don't feel comfortable spending that kind of money.
Re: Bachelorette party drama
If she insists on something that continues to be outside your budget I'd probably meet it with a giggle, "Well yeah - that does sound like a fun party. Who is paying for it?"
She can't make you spend money you don't have.
I would be up front with your friend and tell her it's just not in your budget. If she pushes back, stay firm. It's poor etiquette for her to make demands for a party someone else is hosting in her honor. What you've suggested sounds just lovely! Who else would be attending the party? Just the two of you? If there will be other guests, you could also get their thoughts and present a united front to her.
Totally agree with the other PPs that no one gets to reach into your wallet. Not to mention, a bride isn't supposed to be dictating or have much to do with the planning of her bachelorette. Also, while the other people attending the bachelorette party will often chip in the bride's part for some/all of it, it is actually the bride's responsibility to pay her own expenses.
Especially since she apparently doesn't have any way to transport herself. I can see where that would be especially difficult for you. That makes the whole thing a 6-hour round trip for you to pick her up and get to NOLA and back. And that's without traffic. There's going to be a lot of traffic on 4th of July weekend.
I actually live in NOLA. Is there some reason it has to be this weekend? The summer is the low season here and is typically a cheaper time to come. Just not a weekend that already has a big event going on. And not just hotels, entrance fees/food/drink will probably be higher than normal. Tons of AirBnBs will have vacancies also on other weekends. They're usually cheaper than hotels and have kitchens, so that every meal doesn't have to be eaten out.
If you'd be okay with the extra driving, I'd give her the choice of MS Gulf Coast this weekend or NOLA on a different weekend. Because budget $XXX is not doable for this weekend. Maybe she'll offer to chip in the difference.
I also meant to mention as a funny, do you know where people in NOLA go when they want a destination bachelor/ette party without going too far? The MS Gulf Coast casinos and clubs, lol :P.
I hope, once you tell her what she wants isn't feasible, that she is gracious about it. Otherwise she might be showing you some true colors. Good luck.
I agree with the PP in that you NEED to tell her it's not in your budget as well as she needs to figure out her own transportation. Six hours round trip isn't horrible but that eats into a lot of weekend. Also, change the date of the Bach party! If you know that week is going to be super expensive, change the date.