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Etiquette

Adults only wedding. SIL bringing baby

Hey Knotties, 
Wanted your thoughts on this. 
Hubby and I are going to a wedding out of town in about a month. 
It's a family friend so his parents and sister and BIL are coming as well with their 4 month old. They live farther out of town. (They have to fly in whereas we are driving 5 hours) 
We found out a month or so ago that the wedding is adults only. 
My MIL thinks its fine for them to still bring their kid because "he's a baby and won't be running all over, I'm sure the bride won't care." 
What are you thoughts on this? 

 

Re: Adults only wedding. SIL bringing baby

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Hey Knotties, 
    Wanted your thoughts on this. 
    Hubby and I are going to a wedding out of town in about a month. 
    It's a family friend so his parents and sister and BIL are coming as well with their 4 month old. They live farther out of town. (They have to fly in whereas we are driving 5 hours) 
    We found out a month or so ago that the wedding is adults only. 
    My MIL thinks its fine for them to still bring their kid because "he's a baby and won't be running all over, I'm sure the bride won't care." 
    What are you thoughts on this? 
    While I agree with your MIL that the baby *should* be welcome, you should never bring anyone (even a baby) who isn't invited by name. 

    I'd call and ask.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    ahoyweddingMairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I disagree with the PP.

    The MIL is wrong. The couple are entitled to not invite babies, and it's possible that their venue has a "no children" rule. That would include a 4 month old. The MIL should not assume that the bride (or groom) won't care (or make any other assumptions).

    Your SIL and BIL can call to clarify this with the couple (although IMO that shouldn't be necessary because people not listed on the invitation should be considered "not invited" and again, that includes babies). The couple may agree to invite the baby, but if they do not, their wishes need to be respected.


    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyknottiee6675337a68ed0ae
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hey Knotties, 
    Wanted your thoughts on this. 
    Hubby and I are going to a wedding out of town in about a month. 
    It's a family friend so his parents and sister and BIL are coming as well with their 4 month old. They live farther out of town. (They have to fly in whereas we are driving 5 hours) 
    We found out a month or so ago that the wedding is adults only. 
    My MIL thinks its fine for them to still bring their kid because "he's a baby and won't be running all over, I'm sure the bride won't care." 
    What are you thoughts on this? 
    While I agree with your MIL that the baby *should* be welcome, you should never bring anyone (even a baby) who isn't invited by name. 

    I'd call and ask.
    When my son married, they chose an adult only wedding.

    My nephew and wife, who typically never attended anything if it did not include kids, actually planned to attend this wedding.  They would leave the 3 older kiddo's at home, but would bring the 4-5 week old baby, "if that was OK".  I assumed it would be, but said I would check with my son.

    Son said it was NOT fine.

    I was so very sad and frustrated.  Clearly this event was important enough to my nephew that they were willing to get a VERY rare sitter in order to attend.  I did try to impress that argument with my son.  Nope.  Sigh. 

    Call. Ask.
    charlotte989875ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • MILs plan is to just bring the baby and if the bride isn't okay with it then we will take shifts watching him in the hotel room. "She probably won't notice anyway" 

    If by "we" she means the parents and her since she mentioned it then sure. But I am not going to a wedding to be a babysitter. Like PP said. Not my circus not my monkeys. I am not automatically responsible for your child because you brought him to a place he is not welcome at. 
    I would definitely not be voluntold to do something like that and do think that they're out of line to not ask.

    But kiddos are such an odd manner that I wouldn't bring it up and specifically ask.   I suppose if you're talking to the couple you can insert that, "You'll get to meet the baby!" and see how that goes over or if there's lead in the balloon.   However I wouldn't start to call or ask questions about this. 


    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensahoyweddingJen4948
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    SIL and BIL should call and ask about bringing the baby. This happened for DD and SIL's wedding. Good friends had a 6 week old at the time. They called to see if they could bring her. I thought it was fine since she would be in a carrier the whole time (DD and SIL are the ones who wanted a child free wedding). They agreed to the friends bringing her. I honestly forgot she was there until I went over to speak to them as they were getting ready to leave the reception early (because you know- newborn). 

    Yeah, you shouldn't have to babysit but MIL,SIL and BIL might just have to take turns babysitting since plane tickets have already been purchased. The bride and groom have no say in that.
    JeeGooDowster
  • I don't get the whole no kids thing at weddings, but I certainly understand that hosts have a right to an adults only party, wedding or anything else they choose. In this case, I empathize with the parents of the baby, especially if the mom is breastfeeding. It's not always easy to pump and get your kid to take a bottle when the baby is used to the breast. If I was in this situation and the kid absolutely was not welcome, I would decline. No one else can feed your child, after all.

    So I think the parents of the baby should ask if they can bring him and then decide whether to decline for the mother if the bride and groom say no.
    charlotte989875JeeGooDowster
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Having a Plan B, everyone taking turns babysitting, indicates to me that your MIL suspects the baby might not be welcome at the wedding. The baby's parents should call the B or G and ask if they may bring the baby. If it's not okay, they need to come up with a plan that doesn't involve family members leaving the wedding to babysit. 

    Saying that, I don't understand why anyone wouldn't accommodate a newborn baby, but I guess it's their right. And 'ouch,' to MobKaz. That must have been a really awkward phone call. 

                       
    MesmrEweMobKazei34charlotte989875
  • The parent of the baby needs to hold a neutral stance, and give the bride/groom a call and ask...  Babies are one of those gray areas especially when it comes to latching babies because there's no backup to Mom.  If the couple says "no" that's their choice which should be respected understanding that some people won't be able to attend because of no one to watch the baby.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hey Knotties, 
    Wanted your thoughts on this. 
    Hubby and I are going to a wedding out of town in about a month. 
    It's a family friend so his parents and sister and BIL are coming as well with their 4 month old. They live farther out of town. (They have to fly in whereas we are driving 5 hours) 
    We found out a month or so ago that the wedding is adults only. 
    My MIL thinks its fine for them to still bring their kid because "he's a baby and won't be running all over, I'm sure the bride won't care." 
    What are you thoughts on this? 
    That it’s none of your business 
    missJeanLouisePrettyGirlLost
  • banana468 said:
    Hey Knotties, 
    Wanted your thoughts on this. 
    Hubby and I are going to a wedding out of town in about a month. 
    It's a family friend so his parents and sister and BIL are coming as well with their 4 month old. They live farther out of town. (They have to fly in whereas we are driving 5 hours) 
    We found out a month or so ago that the wedding is adults only. 
    My MIL thinks its fine for them to still bring their kid because "he's a baby and won't be running all over, I'm sure the bride won't care." 
    What are you thoughts on this? 
    I think the baby should be welcomed.

    I'm curious about how you found out this was adults only and if this was communicated ever beforehand?   

    At this point if they're flying I honestly think it's too late to tell them that the baby isn't welcome.

    What I'll say is that I think your MIL is onto something.   As a parent I can tell you that managing my kids at a wedding was FAR easier at 4 months than when they got older.   

    I just went to a family event last weekend where there were at least 4 babies between 1 and 7 months old and an additional 60 kids who were 1 year - 16 yrs.

    The ROUGHEST age to manage was the toddler to younger elementary school aged kid.   The babies were quiet and nursing and were just carried around.

    Also, this is not your circus and these aren't your monkeys.   So while I'm giving you my opinion on the matter I also think you shouldn't say a thing unless somehow you are asked for your opinion on the matter. 
    Why would they get to bring a baby that wasn’t invited just because they bought plane tickets without an invite?
  • banana468 said:
    Hey Knotties, 
    Wanted your thoughts on this. 
    Hubby and I are going to a wedding out of town in about a month. 
    It's a family friend so his parents and sister and BIL are coming as well with their 4 month old. They live farther out of town. (They have to fly in whereas we are driving 5 hours) 
    We found out a month or so ago that the wedding is adults only. 
    My MIL thinks its fine for them to still bring their kid because "he's a baby and won't be running all over, I'm sure the bride won't care." 
    What are you thoughts on this? 
    I think the baby should be welcomed.

    I'm curious about how you found out this was adults only and if this was communicated ever beforehand?   

    At this point if they're flying I honestly think it's too late to tell them that the baby isn't welcome.

    What I'll say is that I think your MIL is onto something.   As a parent I can tell you that managing my kids at a wedding was FAR easier at 4 months than when they got older.   

    I just went to a family event last weekend where there were at least 4 babies between 1 and 7 months old and an additional 60 kids who were 1 year - 16 yrs.

    The ROUGHEST age to manage was the toddler to younger elementary school aged kid.   The babies were quiet and nursing and were just carried around.

    Also, this is not your circus and these aren't your monkeys.   So while I'm giving you my opinion on the matter I also think you shouldn't say a thing unless somehow you are asked for your opinion on the matter. 
    Why would they get to bring a baby that wasn’t invited just because they bought plane tickets without an invite?
    I think the bride and groom can but think it would be shitty to do it.  Yeah it's worse what the parents are doing but I think at this point it's battle picking and not one I would.  

    Then again,  I wouldn't show up with my uninvited kid either.   I often prefer the path of least resistance.
    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • I completely agree.    Just because the baby needs you the entire time is not the same thing as the baby is welcome everywhere you go. 

    Oh, I'm sympathetic to breast feeding moms parents. I would absolutely allow the baby to be brought along to the wedding. But I'm only allowed to make that decision when I'm the one issuing the invitation.
    Agreed.  I can issue all of my own side eye after having a baby and then wrestling my almost 4 yo both in AND out of his clothes today.  

    Babies over asshole toddlers.
    MairePoppyei34charlotte989875
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